The fourth of July is among one of the most vain holidays celebrated around here. That isn’t to suggest that there isn’t one holiday around here that does not have a trace of vanity within it, but indeed, the fourth of July is a holiday that is among the most exploited. I hate the fourth of July. It is a waste of time.

I have a new pair of glasses. I cannot say that I appreciate them all too much at the moment, I hope it’s only because I need to get used to them. It feels like I’m wearing someone else’s glasses. I miss my old glasses, :3

I’ve been thinking of my aspirations toward evolutionary psychology and after much consideration, evolutionary psychology is absolutely the last field I want to study. I hadn’t thought of it all that much before, but what relevance does evolution have to what is now established as, evolutionary psychology? Yeah, absolutely nothing. Evolutionary psychology is a field that reeks of confabulation and hindsight bias. All of the claims evolutionary psychology makes can only be established after the fact. I mean, think of it: evolution and natural selection, cannot be applied to psychology without losing its meaning. Anyone who knows anything about evolution to begin with could come to terms with that. Evolution results from natural selection- mutations which do not benefit the organism die out; mutations which benefit an organism make the organism more likely to reproduce, and as that mutation spreads among a population, the population evolves. How could this be logically correlated with psychology?

Evolutionary psychology’s heuristic procedure is to pick out a behavior and use the evolution of humans in an attempt to explain the behavior. The problem with this logic is that evolution does not explain all behavior, and most behavior is societally influenced more so than biologically influenced. Although this is a problem within every field of psychology, it should definitely be brought up- free will exists, yeah. Furthermore, the notion that there isn’t a universal behavior pattern across cultures is altogether ignored.  It is also amusing of how evolutionary psychologists attempt to explain behaviors such as rape and sexism with such mitigating power, as if biology favors them. And, of course, we must not forget that their claims are not falsifiable, which almost instantly categorizes it as a pseudoscience. Most importantly, the time in which modern humans have existed is too short of a time for any sort of Darwinian evolution to occur.

This sucks, though, because I was completely ready to go into this field, but now that I realize it isn’t too credible, I have to figure out something else.

A little too much for friends, but not enough to share

I finished reading A Raisin in the Sun today. I felt pretty disappointed about the play, especially after hearing such flattering reviews about it. Perhaps I need to look into the meaning further, but as of right now, I am left very unaffected. It seemed too short, so I didn’t really grow with the book. There seems to be no plotline at all. I did love that Asagai dude, though. :3

The main character is this dude named Walter, who is married to Ruth. Walter’s mother lives with him, as well as his sister and his son, in a rented apartment in Chicago. The story begins with the family anticipating a check in the mail, which is an inheritance check to Walter’s mother as result of her husband’s death. The story centralizes around how the family deals with receiving this large sum of money, seeing as they are impoverished to begin with.

Walter is clearly the protagonist of the play, but his personality is so complex- I am unsure of how I feel about him. The play starts out with him arguing with his wife, which is what most of what the play is about- their relationship. Walter is always hung up on making money- he always discusses his plans to start up his own business. He finds the inheritance check as a way to propel his career, and once he convinces his mother to give him the money, he eventually loses it all because he gets scammed, essentially. He is extremely bitter and drunk for most of the book, up until the denoument, at which point he’s euphoric and hopeful.

Perhaps Walter symbolizes the transcendental properties of idealism- despite having far-fetched plans and virtually no means to carry them out. But, he still associates the future with his utopia, therefore, he finds no reason to actually begin assessing his current state and his lack of understanding of the future.

I do appreciate Beneatha’s godlessness, although, I’m unsure as to what it meant within the book. Beneatha is among the most intelligent within the play, but she is also cold and stubborn. She is described as very beautiful, and has the potential to date one of the wealthiest people within the play, but ends up falling for the Asagai dude, who isn’t particularly wealthy but is optimistic and intelligent. He only appears twice within the play, but the author clearly wishes for the audience to favor Asagai over the other dude (his last name is Murchison!! What a plonker!)

We went out yesterday to a bookstore in Tacoma. I ended up getting The Great Gatsby (which is written all over!!!! klasjfklsjd), Tender is the Night, Crime and Punishment, and Dostoevsky’s Notes From Underground. All in all, not a bad day.

I came home and did homework. Not so cool. I still have things to do, actually. I could just roll over and die right now, I’m telling you.

You will always be a little far for me to reach

HAPPY PI DAY!

Cody hugged me yesterday and I got all cuddly-wuddly on him. I don’t think anyone realized that I was mimicking Megan, and I suppose, I was mocking her, by doing so. Besides Megan, that is. She caught on pretty quickly, thankfully.

Yesterday was pretty terrible, though. I hadn’t been as unhappy as I was for a while. I mean, I had planned on crying through my study period because I thought I needed some sort of outlet, and that would be the way to do it. Incidentally, Kate had my study period and we talked the whole time about her boyfriend. Uh. So, yeah, everything built on that for the rest of the day.

The way my parents think are the product of the culture we live in. And honestly, such infantilization is ridiculous. In other societies, there isn’t even a term for adolescence- children become adults, children do not become adolescents. I dislike having my thoughts and suggestions degraded because of my age. I want to be judged on my merits and my actions and not my age. Everyone does.

Man, I can’t wait until spring comes. Spring and summer are better than fall and winter, since one doesn’t need to wear sweatshirts all the time to stay warm!

Mom and dad are thinking of having me take driving lessons this summer. Even if it’s a year later than the state requirement, I don’t think I want to take the lessons. What I mean by that is that I don’t feel rushed. What’s terrible is that being able to drive has become so iconic with the American culture; it’s a milestone- it really shows how prevalent this industry has become. I do not want to contribute to global warming any more than I have- I’ve made that point already. But the thing is, I may as well learn to drive when I can because it’s a skill I will inevitably need.

Cognitive Daily was the first blog that focused on psychology that I read, well, daily. I haven’t read it in months, maybe that’s because I steadily adhere to the standpoint of evolutionary psychology. Which is a stupid assumption to make. So I’m going through their archives.

I have three days off from school- so great. Give me three days to do absolutely nothing.

I couldn’t sleep last night. R.Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet was on, so I watched it…

And. I. Just. Couldn’t. Stop.

It was very intriguing, although, he had to use the word, “midgit,” to make the verse rhyme, and so for the remainder of the episode it was talking about this woman who was cheating on her husband with a midgit. And who was pregnant with the midget’s baby. And every time there was a transition between plots, I exclaimed, “rofl!” or, “lol.” or, “roflcopter.” because the cliffhangers were so ridiculous. And when I managed to fall back asleep, the tune was stuck in my head. Yeah.

And I’d do it again!

I held off going to the bathroom for the entirety of an hour and thirty minutes, because I didn’t want to miss anything. It’s terrible. But I enjoyed it.

And I don’t really know what I think of it exactly. I was surprised that I wasn’t too annoyed by the constant singing. I was also surprised that hearing R. Kelly make his voice deeper or higher to imply different characters didn’t annoy me, either. Perhaps I was too interested in the plotline.

Here is the plotline of what happened in the part that I watched. I don’t remember any names, but like in math, I’ll separate the subject-nouns with the adjectives that are modifying it to make it easier to understand, that is, if you read it all the way. You find a theme of cheating alot here and it gets a bit boring sometimes, but whatever. Quite honestly, I’m surprised I remember so much of it.

This dude cheated on his wife with a woman he met at a club.  The woman ended up being married to a pastor. This woman’s husband came home while the dude was at her house, and the woman made him hide in a closet. So, this is the first time the “trapped in the closet” thing happened. (The man the woman is married to) is a pastor, who is also cheating on his wife with a gay man. Then the first dude decides to go home, but when he calls his wife a man answers the phone. Immediately, the dude decides his wife is cheating on him, and goes home angry. He is in such a hurry that he gets a speeding ticket for it, but when he finally gets home, he realizes that his wife is alone and that everything is fine. The wife’s brother just got out of jail and was home. But no! The wife was cheating on him with the policeman that ticketed the dude earlier! But they forgive each other and start having fun and laughing about everything that happened UNTIL! the policeman comes in and thinks the dude is trying to murder his wife, and the dude is at gunpoint with the policeman! And then they get in a fight and they accidentally shoot the wife’s brother! And he just got out of jail and was going to turn his life around! But in the end everything’s k with him because he knew how to fix it so whatev.

Later, we find out the dude’s wife and (the woman that the dude was cheating with) are friends, haha. And we find out that the dude was paid to cheat with the woman because the woman wanted to end the relationship with her husband. And the policeman was also cheating on his wife, and his wife was also cheating on him… With a midgit. Who was hiding in a closet. That’s when I exclaimed, “roflcopter.” :3

… Jeez, there was tons more that happened, but uh, it really sucks having to write it out because I don’t know their names.

From a literary standpoint (yeah, music can be a form of literature) I do like the reoccurring theme of being trapped in a closet, though. The building of suspense was great. I enjoyed the plotline, because everything mixed together. It reminded me of the way Charles Dickens’ had set up his plots. The reoccurring theme of cheating, though, became very tedious and I wanted something else to happen. Hah, and the midgit part made me laugh alot, although, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to laugh at it.

Sometimes when he couldn’t get it to rhyme, he would just carry on the note for a few seconds and continue. Or he would force the rhyme, which annoyed me. I forgive him for that, though, I realize how hard it is to rhyme for an entire hour and a half. I also loved that if within the story, people would be fighting (even if this doesn’t happen all the time) he would layer his voices and make it sound like an argument. It really made me understand the confusion with which the protagonist was feeling.

The concept itself is an original one, but I don’t know if this is something I want to become common.  I appreciate the originality of it, and from an inspirational standpoint, it’s cool that he used this as a way to spark his creativity.

… I really do not know what else to say about it, haha.

My thoughts send me on a carousel

I talk to you every now and then, I’ve never felt so alone again.

I knitted up three hats today. Wow. My fingers really hurt.
… But in the process of doing so, I managed to watch Forrest Gump in its entirety. My opportunity to prove how manly I am has come and gone, and indeed, I passed. Even if I’m a girl. But yeah, I didn’t cry at the end, which is some kind of indication of my masculinity. I did laugh a bit, though. It was so stupid, but so stupid that it was funny. But at some parts, I would laugh, and question as to whether they were being serious or if they wanted me to find it funny. I guess I will never know.

John Dewey is such a great writer. Oh, I should post some of the stuff he writes. Every sentence in this book is worthy of being quoted. A good quarter of the vocabulary that he uses I am unfamiliar with- which I absolutely love. Not to mention his absolute smackdown of religion, which only accentuated my love for this man even more.

I just thought that was cute. Via FFFFOUND!

And I just felt a bit nostalgic, bite me.

Winter break is coming up. We have half a week of school. I have a ton of homework to do, but I’m too set on getting these winter solstice presents done to even begin thinking about getting a headstart on all the homework. But whatever, I’ll have something like two weeks to get it done, I’ll be fine.

Yes, but no.

So, school is going to be somewhat out-of-order tomorrow. In some way, it will be. It’s been snowing like crazy. Catching snow on our tongues is rather easy, but keeping the snowflake (which is really a snowflake on steroids) only in your mouth is quite difficult, since it gets all over your face. But I wouldn’t do that, if I were you, since who knows what’s in that snow, even if it’s fresh.

Two trees outside our house have fallen down because of the amount of snow that’s on them!

I knitted most of the day. I watched the “new” American Gothic, yeah. I should buy that on dvd or something. I’m tired of waiting a month for a “new” episode to come out, even if the show ended over a decade ago. I like it, though. It’s very funny to watch, given the heavy southern accents. Not to mention my reaction to almost every gory scene: “Oh, dear god! He got fake blood on his shirt!” Oh, Amanda, I love you. The plot reeks of absolutely no scientific knowledge at all, but I suppose it’s a show that I’m willing to give up my rational side for only because it’s fictional. The only time I do not get angry about hearing of ghosts, the afterlife, astrology, palmistry, numerology, and any other psychic phenomenon is when I watch this show.

… And teh womenz are really cute, too, yeah.

Speaking of scientific literacy… I loathe the fact that studies like these are the only ones that ever get attention. Absolutely impractical studies which do nothing to better the public. How can I possibly become a better, more informed person by knowing that females do not talk more than men do on a daily basis, and that men supposedly live longer if they look at boobs every day? Yeah, this stuff is so intellectually stimulating, that it makes me want to punch the scientists who decided to conduct these useless studies. Oh, I’m absolutely furious. This is the reason why the public is so ignorant of any scientific knowledge! sldjfl;skdjf;lskjdfkje

… But you already know my point of view on this stuff. Or whatever.

Oh, and Amanda went nowhere because I’m stuck inside the snowglobe. Still.

My brain salutes you!

As does Turkules, from planet Turkulon. SuperNews is so am**ing. (If I have not said this before, I will no longer use the word am**ing. Never, ever again.)

Dick Cheney: Michael, look, Jesus had to die in order for there to be Easter, and these guys have to die in order for there to be Thanksgiving!

Michael Moore: That’s a horrible thing to say!

Dick Cheney: Am I wrong?

Indian chief: I can see that both of you are great chiefs, because you are fat, and only men of great influence can afford to eat as much as you obviously do. But you cannot change the course of history. For example, if you roll these dice and come up with a seven or eleven, I will double your money, but if you roll a two, three, or twelve, I will take your money.

Some indian woman: Honey, what are you doing?

Indian chief: Hey, have you seen those guns they have? They’re like magic killing sticks! We need an angle here, baby!

Aww, am**ing.

Anyways.

I forgot to set one of my clocks backwards in my room and I was freaking out over not being dressed for the festival of trees. I thought I would never make that mistake on THAT clock. But I guess I am too lazy to get up, walk three feet, and change the time on the clock and would prefer to change my entire mindset instead. This is the epitome of human existence.

Yar, I have a total of four things on my christmas list and my brother has about twenty. No, more than twenty. Because clearly, he has more time to waste than I do, and video games are the only things he can possibly think about. I have to say, his dreams must be the most uneventful ones imaginable. liek, omgz halo, yah!

I got started on my Amanda original letters for everyone for Christmas. I have Phar, Riza, Cody, Megan, Angela, Shelley, Mary, Cameron, and Amelia down. That’s only half of the people I have planned. I need to curtail this list of Holiday Happiness, though, because it’s going to stress me out so much. Don’t worry, every time I say something I’ve said in another letter, I punch myself and make myself write it again in a cooler way. Given this process, the first letter I write is going to be the worst letter, and the last one I write is going to be the best letter. This isn’t really fair, no. But they shouldn’t complain because I’m willing to go through, draft after draft, PAGE AFTER PAGE, to write for them. Not to mention the gift that will be enclosed. Not to mention that I’m wasting my life and could be doing my FST homework.

Oh, and concerning the people in my family and THEIR presents. I have no clue. Does this make me a bad person? Yah, it definitely does. OH BUT NO! I’ll make hats. Done, and done.

I’ve been reading Human Nature and Conduct by John Dewey. I bought this book at the thrift store, and it’s about seventy years old. I love it so far. I love the way he writes, especially the vocabulary he uses. I don’t know half of the words he uses- which makes it even more enjoyable. I love words. Another reason to love him- he’s a pragmatist.

I’m just going to say this because I’ve been tracking the process here for several weeks now. Yes, my hair is finally cut. Thank you, and G** bless.

And on that lovely note…
How could I have forgotten?

No one’s ever gonna love you like I do.

… “And anything to make you smile, it is my better side of you to admire.”

The culinary thing was a complete waste of time. Never again. I had expected the people to tell me something along the lines of, “Oh, if you want to pursue a career in the culinary arts, you can do this, this, this, and this.” But no.

OMGZ GO TO THE CULINARY WHATEVER OF AMERICA AND YOU’LL GET MONEEZ.

The epitome of propaganda.  Never again.

Decidedly, that pushed me away from the culinary profession quite a bit. Not just the propaganda, but the fact that it’s cooking, full time- five days a week, six hours a day? Sure, they may have smiling womenz on the cover, and advertise their snowboarding stuff and camping stuff. But is this something that I could get tired of quickly? Definitely. Soz, maybe evolutionary psychology is for me, mostly because it makes the most sense.

I found a necklace on the bus today that somebody left behind. Half of the chain was missing, yeah. I considered giving it to the office, and do not take this as a selfish way to keep something (seeing as I do not need any more shiny things. I don’t remember the last time I wore jewelry.) but here it goes: The ethics of the lost-and-found have been thrown out the window. But I can understand why, because it is so impossible to monitor these things. It still sucks. But if they say something about this on the intercom, of course I’ll turn it in. But if nothing happens, it’s something to put in my memory box: THE FIRST THING I FOUND ON THE BUS. :D

In AP Psychology, we were watching this NOVA film on the credibility of psychics. FINALLY, someone spreads the knowledge of how pointless and pseudoscientific it is. Yessssss.

Oh, and by the way, NOVA is the epitome of all things good in this world. That astrophysicist host brings the rad.

Last night, I fell in love without you.

… “The stars at night are as big and bright as you make them out to be! And every aching wound will cauterize and bruise in memory of what we used to call in love, and only time will tell by the usual swell in memory of what we used to call in love- we used to call it love!”

I will be the first to admit that homework has been put on hold for the next couple of weeks. D:

Er, I spent thirty dollars on yarn and I still need to buy more. I suck.

I have a new obsession with these darned comics. They ruin my life.

Anyways, I’m absolutely in love and it’s only going to get worse, yeah. And I still sound like a total idiot whenever he’s around, but it’s okay since he understands? I hate being this young. I don’t know where I stand, quite honestly, but I’m trying as hard as I can not to sink back into the state of despair, teeny-bopperness and literary references. It’s a bit difficult to remain sanguine while also being so darned unsure.

… All thanks to you. The closer I get to you, the farther I feel from me.

Other than that, life is pretty existential. Little to no change occurs within it, and one feels like they are feeding the machine, and that is all. Existentialism is natural, though, because there isn’t a meaning at all- I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: Just because I exist, there doesn’t have to be meaning behind it.
Oh, and I’ve managed to get into The Epic of Gilgamesh with no outside help. It’s easy to analyze once you get the point- at first, I felt this “literary masterpiece” could not be assigned a correlation coefficient when it came to the plot line, but it turns out that it does, indeed! So, Gilgamesh is this king who is two-thirds man and one-third god, but he misuses his power at the beginning and the people who he rules over no longer like him (mainly because Gilgamesh has the power to have his way with every new wife on their wedding night. Yah. He’s a jerk.) These people decide to contact the gods so they can try and solve the problem, and this is where Enkidu comes in. They created Enkidu so he could defeat Gilgamesh, but ironically, they end up becoming friends. The gods get angry at both of them and decide that one of them needs to die. They decide to kill Enkidu. Afterwards, they have this huge ceremony celebrating him (which is the most boring part of the book… IT TAKES UP AN ENTIRE TABLET!)

Enkidu’s death brings Gilgamesh to the realization that he could die, too, which motivates him to find the secret to immortality. In which case, he goes up to the mountains and tries to find a plant that will make him immortal…

And that’s where I got. I have some more to read, even if I was supposed to read it last weekend.. D: But the point is, I am interested in it now.

The thing that got me was, why did the gods decide to kill Enkidu and not Gilgamesh? Why not both?

1. Gilgamesh is worse morally than Enkidu, therefore, he should’ve been killed.

- But, the gods are pretty darned selfish, and because Enkidu didn’t carry out what they created him to do, he deserved to die instead?

2. Gilgamesh is not as stable or mature emotionally than Enkidu, so he would not have been able to face his own mortality or his friend’s mortality.

And so, what was the theme of this story?

Most of my classmates said friendship, but I think it’s the opposite. I think it’s about self preservation and on mortality. The term, “Danse Macabre,” comes to mind.

ENOUGH ON THE ANALYSIS,

time to get some hydrogen and oxygen compounds. Peace.

No, now my life is complete

The official 24 trailer for season seven is out. And you know, I’m really great at this.

Yah. I saw this coming.

Oh, life is good when Tony Almeida is alive. :D

Happy International Cephalopod Awareness Day!

Why, today?

… It’s the 8th of October! :D

I’m sick of the bends.

… “I can’t compete with all your damn ideas. I suffocate until the end. She whispers something in my ear, the message is unclear, she motions outside.”

Debbie’s so amazing. She really does not give herself enough credit for it. Admittedly, she does have flaws, she’s not that super-human, but she’s still really great. I felt terrible earlier today, but then I realized that I’d be seeing Debbie after school and it made me happier!

… Jeebus, we were falling all over the place today. :D It was memorable, indeed. Even if it totally proves that Debbie hates being my partner (because she dropped me… D:)

laskjflsdjf he smiled at me omgz. *roll eyes* Darn it, amygdala!

I watched the newest adaptation of Great Expectations. Ethan Hawke played as Pip some dude named Finnegan? I hate it when they change the names of the people in the movie. If you want to base it off the movie, at least make it recognizable other than the title. All-in-all, it was a nice movie. A wonderful modern interpretation of the book, although I wish they emphasized Miss Havisham’s Ms. Dinsmoor’s role on Pip’s Finnegan’s life. (Jeebus, using these new names is terrible.) They absolutely cut out the whole Estella-being-abused-by-her-husband (and him dying because his horse hated him) thing, as well as her birth parents, AND Pip’s birth parents… alskjdfoiwjer They cut out the elaborate parts of the book, and kept the more shallow sexual scenes. That, I disliked. I valued Great Expectations because of its intricacy, it’s what kept me interested. So much so, that three years after reading it, I remember! Even if it was a decent movie, I really think it could’ve been better.

Riza’s birthday is next week and I have to make her a present. D:

I’m going to that diversity thing next Friday. We have to be at school at six thirty, and we get at our destination at eight! It’s really far away, but they’re serving us breakfast so it’s okay? AND lunch? I’m getting back home at around four, haha. School ends two hours earlier than that/I can’t go to swing club. D: Hopefully, I will be able to go; only nine students are allowed to go on the field trip.

Psychology has been very stressful, seeing as the chapters are getting longer and more boring than I had originally expected. Don’t get me wrong, a job in this field would be wonderful- my interest in this subject is not as typical as one would expect from a teenager (omgz, I’m so special, I like psychology! Who wouldn’t be interested in psychology?! Anyone with a functioning frontal lobe would find it interesting.) because, as you can tell- I love science! I just feel that the way this course is set up this book sucks. I’ve read better textbooks from the thrift store. From the sixties. Yah.

Lately, I have been thinking alot about social psychology. There’s this principle called diffusion of responsibility, or something, which describes a scenario in which a person is less likely to react to a situation if there are more people around. One person thinks that someone else will do something effective, so they do not do anything to solve a circumstance. Sadly, everyone else in the room is thinking the exact same thing, so nothing is done. This usually happens when one person is in need of something or badly hurt, unfortunately.

… I was just thinking about it because in my classes, the teachers tell really corny jokes. I feel bad for the teacher because they chuckle at themselves and the class does not react at all. Because of the whole diffusion thing, I actually react because I know nobody else will. The same thing applies when the teacher asks the class a question and expects for them to answer, and nobody does. So, decidedly, I’m the loudest person in my classes.

Because poor people don’t exist when times are good.

… “So when you’re talking on a hotline to a suicidal soul, don’t let your voice sound like hot coffee, more like a scented pillow.”

Geez. The four weeks really have come to an end. It was pretty somber when we left because we had to say goodbye to these new friends we’ve made- especially since some of them are going to Oly and Klahowya. D:

Tomorrow, I’m going to hang out with Debbie. It’s so weird when you start to become close friends with someone, because it’s never expected. It’s not like we are very close or anything, but we’ve certainly become better friends over the summer. I had always seen Debbie as one of Allie’s best friends, not necessarily mine. Okay, that concept changed a while ago, but the surprise is still there.

I’ve been on this Little Drawings kick for a week or so now. Little Drawings is love.

I’m reading that book by Hemant Mehta. It’s really great. I haven’t read a nonfiction book from the first page to the last in a very long time!  I’m really impressed by Mehta’s approach to theism, as well as atheism. I really like his openness to things in his book, even though I am completely different. Although the author seems a bit… Self-conscious. He spends most of the books rebutting criticisms, as well as debunking stereotypes, as opposed to describing what he thinks. I understand why though, because he doesn’t necessarily have a point of view to back up because of his openness when it comes to religion.

I also started reading The Blind Watchmaker by Richard Dawkins. It’s also pretty great, but you have to really pay attention to what the author is saying. I didn’t appreciate the really long example of how we should define complexity, because it was really f*cking long. I got bored at that point and started reading Mehta’s book. Ironically, Mehta recommends reading The Blind Watchmaker in I Sold My Soul on Ebay.

It’s amazing how people come to my blog because they searched for themselves on Google. Some of the terms they used were pretty darned embarrassing, but I suppose I understand their curiosity when it comes to references to themselves on the internet. It’s pretty cool knowing who comes to your page, though, because IP addresses are not that helpful, haha.

I really dislike thinking about people I used to know. The worst thing about being a solipsist is that the only person you can blame circumstances on, is the person who made your universe. I suppose forgiving yourself is a pretty darned difficult thing to do.

I’m fighting myself to get you out of my head

… “But I’m hanging off every word you said.”

“If you want a more bucolic version of the ecological future, consult a paleontologist. The paleontologists look further into the future to a time when the great evolutionary opportunities are not agricultural habitats, but are, instead, vast forests—to a time when the seas are again filled with large species—to a time when new large vertebrates roam new kinds of plains. They look forward in time to a world more interesting to us than our present evolutionary future. The paleontologists can do all this because they begin their discussions of future evolution with the statement, ‘once humans go extinct.’ “
(From Seed.)

Hmm. Humans have made the world worse. We have cultivated the land, and exploited all of our resources. We have doomed this earth. And oddly enough, if someone considered a decade ago that humans will go extinct in the very near future, it would’ve been weird. And now, it’s so common to hear around scientific communities, I don’t even get the willies as I read it. Even the sentences I have just written feel like they have been said before.

And I mean, if there were another civilization far away from here, and we were extinct, there would be no trace of us. The way the world will end (via comet) it will look like Earth would be incapable of inhabiting life.

This could have happened before, somewhere else, and we are so unaware of it. Maybe the universe is a never-ending cycle consisting of civilizations ruining themselves and starting up again.

… Oh, and I’ve decided what my career is going to be. Evolutionary psychologist. Isn’t that so perfect for me? I can’t wait!

When I said, “I hate what I’ve become”

… “I lied, I hated who I was… B is for believing you’d always be here for me. E is for everything, even when we’d see it though. C, C is for seeing through you, you are a fake, which brings me to A because, because, you always run away.”

I like painting. But I don’t really like admitting it just because everyone loves to paint, whether they are good at it or not. But yeah, I finished painting my mirror. I intended for it to be olive green. But apparently, color constancy is out the window, and now it is a lovely dark blue. I like the change, but I still feel a little disappointed by not having an olive green mirror. And I’m not going to paint it again. I’ve painted two coats of paint + two coats of varnish and I’m NOT going back!

Uh, a slight change in subject, just to commit to memory but… Mirrors do not see themselves. They aren’t aware of what they look like; and I realized this as I painted it. Sure, mirrors are not necessarily alive, but figuratively speaking… Mirrors are a great representation of consciousness! Oh, Amanda, you amaze me so much. I’d marry myself, if it were possible.

Mmm. I’ve abandoned the idea of making a collage, seeing as collages suck and I didn’t realize that until I remembered the OTHER collages I’ve made. And how I told myself never to make a collage recreationally for any purpose ever, so I’ve decided that I will either paint something on it on my own, or stencil something onto it. Stencilling is a good idea, but it is very time-consuming… And I lost my X-Acto knife. I found another one in the garage but it is old. Oh, my beloved X-Acto knife! I cannot live without that thing. Likewise for my rotary cutters.

I’m thinking of just going out and buying some canvas as opposed to using a flat cardboard rectangular prism. It’s just that it is pretty expensive and mom hates going outside D:

Oh, and I put up that rad clock that I found from the garage. It’s cool, but I’m getting a little paranoid because I have three clocks in my room, and one doesn’t even work. And the new rad clock I found doesn’t have an alarm, while the digital clock I have does. Vanity vs. practicality, once more. Lame.

I want to do more stuff to my room. I crave change, I guess. I just need inspiration! D:

I placed you on a windowsill

… “Now I shadow my former self, once holy, now lonely. A chest full of holes, red wax, it paints me unclear when the big hand strikes twelve, I disappear.”

Mmph. I suck.

Today, we are supposed to clean. Again. This is stupid, because I’m the only one who makes the effort. This isn’t a plea for attention or sympathy, but really, I cleaned my room twice- do you think I stopped there?

Ugh. I’m so tired of my ability to analyze things. It is truly exhausting. But then again; if the mind is not concrete, and there is no kinetic energy at stake, wouldn’t that mean that being psychologically tired is an impossibility? What does it mean to be too tired to think? You have nothing at stake. There’s a reason why the Greeks invented thought experiments- it’s because you don’t lose anything. I wonder what happens to the brain, while being psychologically exhausted. Hmmm.

I bought two psychology textbooks yesterday, as well as a new sociology textbook. Ooh! I have so many f***ing textbooks right now, it’s quite ironic.

Last night, I watched Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life, after I persuaded my mother into renting it. She told me that if I wanted to waste my life, I may as well get it over with. Hmm. There was a song all about sperm. That was interesting. Oh, and there was a entire skit about sex. Yeah. I was surprised how perverted it was, but hey, I thought it was funny.

Amanda rant on the Disney corporation and elitism:

… And before I watched the movie, I was downstairs on the computer and suddenly, the television started screaming at me. And it was some Disney channel thing, but whatever. I hate the whole Disney corporation because of how stereotypical they can be! You’d be amazed of how they portray females on their shows; as well as minorities; they even include religious undertones within their animated films. That really depresses me. Children watch these shows and define that as “normal.” The Disney corporation is also incredibly elitist, but I guess I’ll write about that again sometime later.

So, onwards to the elaboration, in the form of a list. Because lists are awesome.

• Women are objectified routinely throughout Disney’s films, as submissive home-makers and in need of a man to keep themselves in line. Their programming is almost as bad- the stereotype of women being absolutely stupid is reinforced constantly.
• Arabian women are constantly objectified sexually throughout the media, no joke- Disney does the same. Cue, Jasmine from Aladdin.
• And, of course, black people are “naturally religious.”
• Women are constantly in need of a man to save them from the situation they are put in. They are, time and time again, hanging onto their lives and they have nothing else to do but wait for a man to come and save them.
• Their films also reinforce the importance of being physically attractive. A few great example of this is… Sleeping Beauty, perhaps? Cinderella?
• More importantly, their films associate beauty with morality and goodness. All of the villains in their movies are generally ugly, while the hero is generally good looking.
• Their films are also extremely ignorant of other races besides Caucasians. Every other race is portrayed as living in a poor little village in the third world; while the Caucasians are portrayed as rich and extravagant.

Yah. If you want to read up on the controversy surrounding Aladdin, I recommend going here.

Amanda rant on America’s debt crisis:

   I rented this movie on America’s debt crisis. It was really interesting. I was sewing so I wasn’t paying the most attention, but the part that interested me most was that banks make the most money off of the people who are least likely to pay them back. On average, for every dollar you owe, they earn two dollars in interest. In fact, most of the money banks earn is from interest.Oh, even more interesting- banks keep a list of influential people who go to their bank (like congressmen, even actors, etc.) and pay even more attention to them and make sure they do not make mistakes. They do this because they know that if they mess something up on their account, they would say something about it- and their word matters more than the other people.

Psh. I have been so boring lately. Read my archives if you’re just not into the things I’ve been writing about lately.

Just don’t forget to think about me and I won’t forget you

… “I’ll write you once a week she said. Why does it feel the same to fall in love and break it off? And if young love is just a game then I must’ve missed the kickoff. Don’t depend on me to ever follow through on anything but I’d go through hell for you and, I haven’t been this scared in a long time, and I’m so unprepared, so here’s your valentine, bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody, this world’s an ugly place, but you’re so beautiful to me!”

*sigh* Oh, blink… =(

I was on myspace today. A bit weird. People look at me funny whenever I’m on the website. But I commented people. But it’s not like I comment people I am actually really close to. It’s just like the whole thing with Christmas cards. But you’ve read my commentary of Christmas cards already =D

Top Ten Things Amanda is Currently in Love With:

1. The Format. The whole thing they have been doing lately is rad beyond words.
2. Uh. Certain awesome people =D
3. Myself. Because the more time I spend by myself, the more I realize how f***ing amazing I am. /narcissism
4. Summer. Just because it helps me break that habit in which I constantly question myself, period by period, as to which assignment is due the next day.
5. Solipsistic blogs like these, in which I can write whatever I want.
6. Awesome people at SciAm, because they just put up their magazine for free to download as well.
7. The Starting Line. Because now that I preordered their record, I am *this* much closer at owning it. *sigh*

Okay. So that was seven. But that does not rhyme.
The Earth Without Humans timeline. Be interested. And watch the video while you’re at it. And yeah, I totally laughed at the computer-simulated dude. I didn’t see it coming and started laughing. Really hard. Because I am that lame. Some dude commented this, and I’m not sure what to think of it:

“Although the intent is good, I am not in agreement with this film at all. I am horrifically worried that under pandemic, severe economic collapse, lengthy mass blackouts and so on, that hundreds of Nuclear Power reactors (both civilian and naval) would go unattended leaving to a melt down and raging fires that would (unlike Chernobyl) rage out of controle for years without anyone to put them out. All chemical storage facilities, tanker ships, pipelines, and oil wells under pressure would all probably kill EVERY LIVING THING on the planet with such toxic waste. You talk about plants growing and steel rusting, Um… there are far more serious consequences which can actually happen in pandemic situation. That is one reason I don’t believe in nuclear power. After the collapse of Russia their naval ships and storage facilities just sat unattended and became horrifically radioactive.”

So. Amanda’s pseudo-intellectual ramblings involving the universe and stuff:

• Actually, I have this theory of how the universe came into existence. (But then again, thanks to Freud… Somebody else has probably thought of this before. But whatever. I’m committing this to memory.) I was watching this show about certainty and quantum mechanics came up and they said that atoms come in and out of existence without cause. So, if the atoms came into existence, then, there you go, my fellow theists.
• I may not even know how the earth came into existence, but I am very sure there will be an end.
• I am so tired of theists acting like they know what they are talking about. The Book of Revelation was a critique of Nero’s empire. Nero was, indeed, the sixth emperor of Rome. The gematria value of 666 translates to Nero. It is so stupid how people believe that 666 is really an unlucky number.
• I doubt that humans will be completely extinct, though. Just because there are far too many of us. And, you know… Bomb shelters, dude.

I post too often. Maybe I should go out and buy some puzzles or something.

A stopped clock is right twice a day

Dude! BABY JESUS SHARK RETURNS!!!

Yesssssssssssss.

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• death (8x)
• suck (6x)
• hell (5x)
• hurt (4x)
• dead (3x)

Hahaha. I cannot believe that.

Woah. But anyways.

I am utterly bored living inside this house right now. I started reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I may as well get started on it because the new book is coming out soon. I am going to read the newest book as quickly as I can without any outside interferences because I do not want to know who dies (and you know everybody is going to be talking about it. That is how I found out that Dumbledore died. Before I even opened the book.)

… Harry is totally going to die.

I love atheists!  =D

OMGZ! I couldn’t find a way to post it here, but it’s so cute! I was squeeing for about ten minutes after I saw it. Srsly.

… Uh, dude? I have no idea as to what this uncyclopedia thing is for, but it’s pretty darned interesting to read. To be honest, every single page is offensive to one group of people or another.

*ahem* but anyways.

My bruise is purplish yellow. It looks really punk.

I may post again later. Because I can.

A dollar under water keeps on dreaming for me.

… “ This time it’s on my own, minutes from somewhere else.
Somewhere, I made a wish with Lucky Denver Mint!”

Bowling alley french fries suck.

Finally, they came out with the study about the music preferences and activity within the brain. I’m not that enthused because I have been wanting that study about preferences and personality, but I suppose this will have to suffice. I’ve been waiting forever for this, yet I am not reading it. Weird. And even after this realization, I feel motivation because I am writing right now.

We went to St. Vinnie’s after school today to find Super Nintendo games. There were none. But I was not disappointed since I bought this book I have been eyeing for a couple of weeks now (Body-Mind and Creativity… It’s a really old book; it was published in 1954. Okay, not that old, but still.) and a textbook on anthropology AND a book on the brain! Oh, the excitement!

Ah, school is ending! It is all I have managed to think about (among other things) and I’m pretty sure it is what everybody else is thinking about, too.

I was watching this thing on television and the stupid narrator kept using the adjective, “catastrophic”. I screamed at the television, “STOP USING THAT WORD!” and my mother asked me what I was talking about. And then she told me that yelling at the tv “really helps”. I then proceeded to pout.

Yesssss. It’s a crossword puzzle first filled out by a scientist, and then a creationist. F*** yeah.

Hehe.

AND I PRESENT TO YOU, COOL PICZ. (And no, not Amanda picz. Hopefully, if my HTML is right, you can click the image to see the original. If you have the time, I highly recommend seeing the pictures on this dude’s blog, because they are nothing short of any cliche phrase.)

Uh, yeah. With that wonderful segue, I have to tell you- I love travelling. If only I had the means. I would love to actually experience “life”. Because I get the feeling that staying here is not really experiencing it. My parents would never allow me, and that thought depresses me.