toothpastefordinner.com

Aw, I love that web comic so much, haha.

We went out to eat at a mexican restaurant in Tacoma yesterday for breakfast. I don’t really know why it was so important, but we went there. We also went to a mexican grocery store, Borders, and the Tacoma mall. It was a pretty good day.

I have a ton of essay questions to get done, but quite honestly, these questions only get stupider and stupider, so I have little to no motivation to get them done. Except I will get them done. Because I have to get them done. Decidedly, my work ethic has changed alot within the past couple of months.

At least I can name all the presidents in nine minutes. But that’s a result of practice. Basically, it’s for Knowledge Bowl, haha.

This must be it- welcome to the new year.

… “But the postcard that’s taped to the freezer reads, “Wish you were here.” Oh, how I wish I could disappear. I’m trying to find out if my words have any meaning. Lackluster and full of contentment, it always ends the same.”

I spent a little over six hours yesterday logging Dante’s Inferno. I’m about halfway done, and I could definitely get it done today. I feel so rushed to get this out of the way- I wish I felt like this earlier during break so I wouldn’t be freaking out so much. I’m going to get my dress started either today or tomorrow, because I came to the realization that Tolo is a month away, and whether I’m going or not, I may as well get a dress ready so I won’t be so stressed out.

Man, the year is almost over. This year was absolutely terrible- for everyone. The more I became aware of the things that are happening around the world, the more it depressed me. I was watching this pod on Current where it was a year in retrospect- it made me cry.

Oh, wow! I completely forgot to tell you guys how the Winter Solstice hand-out went!

The thing I love about my friends is that if you make them something, no matter how ugly it may be- they’ll wear it. Who knows, maybe they like the hats I made them, but I hadn’t the time to block them or anything. But still- everyone wore my AmandaHats on Wednesday. Everyone loved the CD covers I made them, especially Megan. She was astonished by it! Rightly so, since I spent a good four hours making those things for everyone. It was well worth it, but it was time consuming!

Cody was laughing so hard that he nearly cried when he got my present. Phar lent a bible to me because bibles are really expensive at the book store (and that’s the only resource I really had at the time) and it ended up being a bible called something like The Holy Bible For Healthy Young Women or something..

I’m still in the giving mood, though, since there were some people that I didn’t have time to make presents for. I had started making these presents in November and I still didn’t have enough time. All in all, even if it absolutely stressed me out and monopolized my time, I think I’m going to do it again next year. It felt really great. I guess that’s because you know that you have the ability to make other people happy, and sometimes, this is how you can get it done.

I just found a ton of patterns that I want to knit up. Man, I’m sure glad it’s winter break, even if I was planning on studying for finals the entire time. I’m so stressed out when it comes to finals. Each final we have is two hours long, and in between, we have an hour to study. We only have three classes on those days. This happens for about a week or so, I think. Everyone’s going to be on edge, I tell you. I’m not looking forward to it.

I’m planning on reading my world history book (which is a good fourteen chapters, and each chapter has around four to five sections.) since the final is going to be pretty comprehensive. It’s going to be taken on computers, so it’s multiple choice, but it has around five hundred questions. I’m not so worried when it comes to my english final or my psychology final since I’ve been working really hard in those classes and I know the material. Biology is another final I’m worried about, since I’ve been doing pretty badly in the class. My teacher doesn’t teach the class directly- she thinks that if she gives us labs and worksheets and stuff that we’d be able to make the connections and understand it. Clearly, it doesn’t work; almost seventy five percent of the class has a B- or lower.

I have to read Dante’s Inferno over winter break, too. I hope I will not be too bored by it. We have to log it, which is going to take forever. I have plenty of little assignments that are going to be due once winter break ends, but I can do those in an afternoon.

Even though I said that psychology is a final that I’m not worried about, one of my classmates told me that I should start studying now if I want to have any chance of passing. She said that the final kicked her butt last year. Because of her warning, I’m thinking of going over the chapter review packets that the teacher hands out. He gives the packets to us for no apparent reason, seeing as he just gives it to us and doesn’t tell us what to do with it.

Yesterday, Debbie and I had a pleasant conversation, sort of. She was on IM and I started talking to her but something is going on with her best friend and she said that she didn’t want to talk about whatever is going on with us, but that we could talk about other things. I was fine with that, so we kept talking about other things until she had to get offline. That made me feel a bit better about things. If only she were a bit more talkative, to make the conversation less awkward for me. I just kept talking and talking and then she’d say a word or so.

I spent some of this morning watching The Four Horsemen, which is basically a conversation with Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, and that Dennett guy. The Four Horsemen is two hours long, and I watched about forty five minutes of it. It got a bit boring at times, but that’s mostly because my mind was on something else.

But anyways.

Amanda Pattern Wish List:
Jen’s Sweetie Pie Hat, mostly because I’m trying to get into cables.
Sunshine!
Mrs. Darcy Cardigan
Pretty Puff’s Slouchy Hat, that is, if I manage to figure out this whole crochet thing. *shudders*
One row handspun scarf

I’m also hoping to make a blouse for myself, but I’ve said that before. Maybe a hoodie as well, but I don’t think I’m going to try using my knit fabric until I get a serger. I sure hope I get a serger, because that’s the only thing I’m really counting on.

Yes, but no.

So, school is going to be somewhat out-of-order tomorrow. In some way, it will be. It’s been snowing like crazy. Catching snow on our tongues is rather easy, but keeping the snowflake (which is really a snowflake on steroids) only in your mouth is quite difficult, since it gets all over your face. But I wouldn’t do that, if I were you, since who knows what’s in that snow, even if it’s fresh.

Two trees outside our house have fallen down because of the amount of snow that’s on them!

I knitted most of the day. I watched the “new” American Gothic, yeah. I should buy that on dvd or something. I’m tired of waiting a month for a “new” episode to come out, even if the show ended over a decade ago. I like it, though. It’s very funny to watch, given the heavy southern accents. Not to mention my reaction to almost every gory scene: “Oh, dear god! He got fake blood on his shirt!” Oh, Amanda, I love you. The plot reeks of absolutely no scientific knowledge at all, but I suppose it’s a show that I’m willing to give up my rational side for only because it’s fictional. The only time I do not get angry about hearing of ghosts, the afterlife, astrology, palmistry, numerology, and any other psychic phenomenon is when I watch this show.

… And teh womenz are really cute, too, yeah.

Speaking of scientific literacy… I loathe the fact that studies like these are the only ones that ever get attention. Absolutely impractical studies which do nothing to better the public. How can I possibly become a better, more informed person by knowing that females do not talk more than men do on a daily basis, and that men supposedly live longer if they look at boobs every day? Yeah, this stuff is so intellectually stimulating, that it makes me want to punch the scientists who decided to conduct these useless studies. Oh, I’m absolutely furious. This is the reason why the public is so ignorant of any scientific knowledge! sldjfl;skdjf;lskjdfkje

… But you already know my point of view on this stuff. Or whatever.

Oh, and Amanda went nowhere because I’m stuck inside the snowglobe. Still.

My brain salutes you!

As does Turkules, from planet Turkulon. SuperNews is so am**ing. (If I have not said this before, I will no longer use the word am**ing. Never, ever again.)

Dick Cheney: Michael, look, Jesus had to die in order for there to be Easter, and these guys have to die in order for there to be Thanksgiving!

Michael Moore: That’s a horrible thing to say!

Dick Cheney: Am I wrong?

Indian chief: I can see that both of you are great chiefs, because you are fat, and only men of great influence can afford to eat as much as you obviously do. But you cannot change the course of history. For example, if you roll these dice and come up with a seven or eleven, I will double your money, but if you roll a two, three, or twelve, I will take your money.

Some indian woman: Honey, what are you doing?

Indian chief: Hey, have you seen those guns they have? They’re like magic killing sticks! We need an angle here, baby!

Aww, am**ing.

Anyways.

I forgot to set one of my clocks backwards in my room and I was freaking out over not being dressed for the festival of trees. I thought I would never make that mistake on THAT clock. But I guess I am too lazy to get up, walk three feet, and change the time on the clock and would prefer to change my entire mindset instead. This is the epitome of human existence.

Yar, I have a total of four things on my christmas list and my brother has about twenty. No, more than twenty. Because clearly, he has more time to waste than I do, and video games are the only things he can possibly think about. I have to say, his dreams must be the most uneventful ones imaginable. liek, omgz halo, yah!

I got started on my Amanda original letters for everyone for Christmas. I have Phar, Riza, Cody, Megan, Angela, Shelley, Mary, Cameron, and Amelia down. That’s only half of the people I have planned. I need to curtail this list of Holiday Happiness, though, because it’s going to stress me out so much. Don’t worry, every time I say something I’ve said in another letter, I punch myself and make myself write it again in a cooler way. Given this process, the first letter I write is going to be the worst letter, and the last one I write is going to be the best letter. This isn’t really fair, no. But they shouldn’t complain because I’m willing to go through, draft after draft, PAGE AFTER PAGE, to write for them. Not to mention the gift that will be enclosed. Not to mention that I’m wasting my life and could be doing my FST homework.

Oh, and concerning the people in my family and THEIR presents. I have no clue. Does this make me a bad person? Yah, it definitely does. OH BUT NO! I’ll make hats. Done, and done.

I’ve been reading Human Nature and Conduct by John Dewey. I bought this book at the thrift store, and it’s about seventy years old. I love it so far. I love the way he writes, especially the vocabulary he uses. I don’t know half of the words he uses- which makes it even more enjoyable. I love words. Another reason to love him- he’s a pragmatist.

I’m just going to say this because I’ve been tracking the process here for several weeks now. Yes, my hair is finally cut. Thank you, and G** bless.

And on that lovely note…
How could I have forgotten?

Trust me when I say, just a few more weeks

… “Don’t move. Resist temptation or do as you see fit- just choose. Stay away from me now. Unless you’re gonna see, gonna see me out. No, I can’t dance less it’s slow or sad, to a song that’s far less obvious. If you’re using me, do it slowly, make it last until I have to go. “

I feel so terrible for the ninety-five percent of Americans that are stuck indoors today because of all the traffic and absolute chaos when it comes to the general public after Thanksgiving.

So, I was on popurls today, and there was an article about why men are not as touchy-feely with their emotions- I thought it’d bring me to some Freudian theory. But no. It was some thing far worse. Not a new psychology study, not a freshly-baked theory thrust upon the voracious clinical psychology crowd. Dude- ASTROLOGY?! There is only one thing that can get me truly angry, and it’s ridiculous stuff like this. People actually believe this stuff. For some people, it is the premise of their being. Yet, it’s another example of the placebo effect, and they can’t even begin to comprehend that concept. And come on- astrology? The epitome of pseudoscience? I didn’t even read the entire article, because after I read the bold-faced letters, I knew it was my time to leave. But then again, I was turned off right after I saw the logo, describing it as a relationship help site. Generic websites like those normally yield no scientific evidence- it’s the virtual equivalent of Seventeen in comparison to, say, Scientific American.

WHY DO THIS TO ME whyyyy

*ahem* But anyways.

I started getting into the documentaries they are showing on CNBC. They show them every weekend or so, but gosh, I love them so far. I just watched one on Wal-mart. They portrayed Wal-Mart was in a surprisingly unforgiving way. They personally attacked some of the people who head the corporation, particularly the man who proposed the idea of expanding Wal-Mart stores outside of the US, who they described as an old, chain-smoking man. They said more, but I forgot. Either way- every person who was supporting Wal-Mart within that documentary looked like money-hungry, and thriving for power.

I was also surprised how anal Wal-Mart is when it comes to making money. They have monitors within the exporting station that checks how much room is in between each item, because there should be as little as possible. They also check weather reports because they know that if there’s a major storm or something, that people will, for example, buy more poptarts (They put a huge emphasis on the strawberry poptarts, which I found very funny.). So, they send out extra boxes of poptarts to wherever the storm is going to hit, all to make more money. It’s not as convincing as I write it, but it’s a documentary I think everyone should watch. It was very informative, and highlighted a bunch of problems I did not know existed. Great job, CNBC, for not making a documentary primarily about money and not making it boring.

I’ve been thinking alot about duality lately. When it comes down to it, I’m a huge supporter of it. I find the mind and the body to be two separate entities. Undoubtedly, there are major flaws within that observation, but there are plenty of flaws supporting a mind-body connection, too. I see the world too much as black-and-white for now so it’s really hard for me to imagine that there isn’t total submission to either component.

Disclaimer: I am an idiot. A young idiot. I have little to no confidence when it comes to this thing I’m going to write. It’s something to commit to memory, basically.

And here’s another dilemma I’ve been facing: despite the adherence to scientific process (excluding the psychodynamic field), can psychology be considered a valid science? Somehow, the Hawking paradox works here. It’s a confabulated success, but stay with me. Maybe it is pointless examining the human mind because of how complex humans are. I don’t know, I have other reasons as to why I doubt psychology as a scientific field, but they are rather half-baked, so I’m not going to say anything yet.

Aw, I really miss middle school. I know nothing stays the same, but these changes that are occurring are far too drastic for me.

Oh, and by the way- I’m getting some kind of illness. BUT MY IMMUNE SYSTEM DEFEATS ALL!
… So yeah, everyone hates me when I’m sick and I hate everyone when I’m sick. It works out. I do love Megan’s reaction when I told her this:
“Dear, god, you CANNOT possibly be sick. You really suck when you’re ill. Not to mention that I might get sick from you too, which would also suck because I’d hate everyone. So for an entire two weeks we’ll hate each other all because of this illness. Way to go, Amanda, way to go.”

I’m considering getting my own domain. For rlz this time. I’m not sure if I’d really do it, since this webpage is mostly for me. But the thing is, no one would ever type in, “ismsarebad” and expect something important. And of course, no one on this planet would use such an obscure Ferris Bueller allusion like this, haha. Oh, and not to mention the frustration people endure because of Movable Type. That’s one of the major reasons why I’m afraid to get my own domain. Aw, and I’m so technologically illiterate at this point, that I read at the term, “web host,” and drew a blank. I didn’t even know I had a web host. Or whatever. Usually, I can get with teh lingo, but I guess not anymore.

… Oh, and about that new tv. My brother and my dad are playing Halo on it, but since we haven’t put away our old television, I guess they’re watching football at the same time. But then again, these are the people who went to Sears when the power went out to watch football.

“Patience and time do more than strength or passion.” Jean De La Fontaine

Thanksgiving wasn’t entirely egregious. But I keep reminding myself after every half hour or so of how I couldn’t imagine how I ended up in this current situation, of course, outside of Thanksgiving.

I’m doing Black Friday tomorrow. Beginning at two in the morning. All that means is that I can buy some new earbuds at last, and wear my “new” coat. I haven’t worn this coat in public once since mom and dad bought it for me. No longer shall I wait. NO LONGER.

But anyways.
Amazing. Somehow, I only like people on the internet, because that is where you can weed out the stupid ones. Yeah, the stupid ones.

Oh, and my turkey was so great, that Calvin went A Christmas Story on it and ate part of it. Sadly, that was the only part that was really crunchy and good. Because of him, I’m not getting that part. I’m angry, indeed.

Uh, but yeah. I’m brainstorming Christmas ideas for my friends, which’ll be great fun to make. I love doing this stuff. The mix cds are going to be fun, too, because that’s the epitome of SUPER DUPER MAGICAL FANTASTIC ULTRA WISH TIME!

… Gosh, I love who I am, I just hate the things I do.

But whatever.

We’re not alone, just lonely all the time.

… “Are we ever going to get it right? Are we ever going to start making sense and stop pretending that we care?”

I’m making Riza a crocheted amigurimi bear for her birthday, which is next week. I am not an expert at crochet at all. I suck at crocheting- I’m most definitely a knitter. But, this thing is going surprisingly well! The arms just look a bit… anabolic as of late, so I’m going to need to fix that? D: Anyways, I crocheted for a few hours last night and all I have left is doing one arm, and the legs. Very quick and easy!

I’m also thinking of making this for her. She loves cutesy stuff like this, as impractical as it may be, haha. I also need to think of Christmas winter solstice presents to make for people, too, which is a bit stressful, but it can be done!

Mom and dad are pressuring me into making my Christmas winter solstice present list. I really desire a serger. Okay, I do not desire one, I need one. My sewing machine now is the absolute dreg of sewing machines- it meets my most basic needs (straight stitch/zigzag) but other than that, it does nothing for me. It may have a buttonhole stitch on it, but every time I use it, I end up wrecking the fabric because it is so overzealous. It is impossible! to sew any kind of jersey fabric; I’ve never sewn spandex or anything stretchier than jersey on my sewing machine, but I dread the day when I am forced to!

… Ironic, how Santa Claus and Jeebus are so interrelated!

Er, I’m dying to find the alternate version of When Paula Sparks by Copeland. I deleted it off of my computer a few months ago when I hated the song, but now I love it, unfortunately. So, help a brother sister out?

Jeebus, I love this scratch-out effect. Thanks, wordpress!

I’m looking forward to making this fettuccine with asparagus and mushroom recipe. Little did I know, Epicurious is a show, too! -embarrassed-

Okay, so something not crafty.

My life has been going at such a fast rate right now. It’s very nice, actually. I love being busy and having things to look forward to. Speaking of it, this dude from Ashworth University asked to syndicate some of my blog entries than pertain to psychology onto this other blog for older students. I haven’t even graduated and something like this happens?! It’s a pretty big deal, I think, just because it proves something about the way I write. Maybe?

And the whole diversity thing is pretty big to me, too, it’s all I can think about, because I haven’t done anything like this before. Katelynn got a chemical burn from some chlorine at the pool and she was gone, I hope she gets better. I heard that the burn is pretty severe- they had to call urgent care at the swim meet. She can’t put clothes over the burn because it’s so sensitive. She really wanted to do the diversity thing, too, I hope she gets well enough to go!

So, I guess this is what people mean when they talk about, you know, “life.”

… If only my SCs truly looked like SCs. They look too knitter-ly. Too, loose? They aren’t chunky! I broke crochet!

… I don’t care, I just want to make something as cute as this!

make me think beautiful unexpected thoughts

… “I trace every curve on your precious face and pray some day you’ll beg me, to beg you run away. Please make me not so crazy. Make me fall apart. I should mean more.”

Oh, how I would love to stop thinking about this. And I keep telling myself that this will be over and worth it, but I’m very sure I am wrong. I wish I could think in any other way than that of a teenage girl. Darned amygdala!

Ah. He said he missed me. What he was missing about me, I don’t know. Maybe he was just trying to look sweet. Maybe he was feeling insecure and needed to make someone feel special. The year is over and this infatuation should be, too. Or maybe I hoped too hard and it meant nothing. He sounded serious to me. Out of all the people in the world to love, I chose the one that is farthest away from me.

Forget it.

Synesthesia post. I haven’t thought about my synesthesia in months. I don’t feel that special, even though I should.

So. I’m going to carry on this trend that other blogs have been engaged in, and that is to list all of the weird searches people used to get to their blog. Let’s see. These are only the interesting ones. If only I cursed here more, because that’d be interesting. My blog stats are kind of high, but they aren’t due to searches, haha.

Just don’t forget to think about me and I won’t forget you

… “I’ll write you once a week she said. Why does it feel the same to fall in love and break it off? And if young love is just a game then I must’ve missed the kickoff. Don’t depend on me to ever follow through on anything but I’d go through hell for you and, I haven’t been this scared in a long time, and I’m so unprepared, so here’s your valentine, bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody, this world’s an ugly place, but you’re so beautiful to me!”

*sigh* Oh, blink… =(

I was on myspace today. A bit weird. People look at me funny whenever I’m on the website. But I commented people. But it’s not like I comment people I am actually really close to. It’s just like the whole thing with Christmas cards. But you’ve read my commentary of Christmas cards already =D

Top Ten Things Amanda is Currently in Love With:

1. The Format. The whole thing they have been doing lately is rad beyond words.
2. Uh. Certain awesome people =D
3. Myself. Because the more time I spend by myself, the more I realize how f***ing amazing I am. /narcissism
4. Summer. Just because it helps me break that habit in which I constantly question myself, period by period, as to which assignment is due the next day.
5. Solipsistic blogs like these, in which I can write whatever I want.
6. Awesome people at SciAm, because they just put up their magazine for free to download as well.
7. The Starting Line. Because now that I preordered their record, I am *this* much closer at owning it. *sigh*

Okay. So that was seven. But that does not rhyme.
The Earth Without Humans timeline. Be interested. And watch the video while you’re at it. And yeah, I totally laughed at the computer-simulated dude. I didn’t see it coming and started laughing. Really hard. Because I am that lame. Some dude commented this, and I’m not sure what to think of it:

“Although the intent is good, I am not in agreement with this film at all. I am horrifically worried that under pandemic, severe economic collapse, lengthy mass blackouts and so on, that hundreds of Nuclear Power reactors (both civilian and naval) would go unattended leaving to a melt down and raging fires that would (unlike Chernobyl) rage out of controle for years without anyone to put them out. All chemical storage facilities, tanker ships, pipelines, and oil wells under pressure would all probably kill EVERY LIVING THING on the planet with such toxic waste. You talk about plants growing and steel rusting, Um… there are far more serious consequences which can actually happen in pandemic situation. That is one reason I don’t believe in nuclear power. After the collapse of Russia their naval ships and storage facilities just sat unattended and became horrifically radioactive.”

So. Amanda’s pseudo-intellectual ramblings involving the universe and stuff:

• Actually, I have this theory of how the universe came into existence. (But then again, thanks to Freud… Somebody else has probably thought of this before. But whatever. I’m committing this to memory.) I was watching this show about certainty and quantum mechanics came up and they said that atoms come in and out of existence without cause. So, if the atoms came into existence, then, there you go, my fellow theists.
• I may not even know how the earth came into existence, but I am very sure there will be an end.
• I am so tired of theists acting like they know what they are talking about. The Book of Revelation was a critique of Nero’s empire. Nero was, indeed, the sixth emperor of Rome. The gematria value of 666 translates to Nero. It is so stupid how people believe that 666 is really an unlucky number.
• I doubt that humans will be completely extinct, though. Just because there are far too many of us. And, you know… Bomb shelters, dude.

I post too often. Maybe I should go out and buy some puzzles or something.

My thoughts send me on a carousel

… “ Here I am standing on my own, not a motion from the telephone, I know not a reason why, solitude’s a reason to die!”

Geez. I miss blink. I miss alot of old bands. But I definitely do not miss the Spice Girls. And sadly, people are saying the one band that defined the teeny bopper within my four-year-old body, is returning. I can hear it now:
“If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends / Make it last forever friendship never ends / If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give /Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is.”

I’ll tell you what I want. GTFO.

But anyways.

I’m going to the dentist today. And then we are going grocery shopping.

Yesterday, I was listening to this unreleased song called “Love” by the Cure. I cannot tell you how disappointed I was. Dude, every line starts with “Love is… ” and then there’s a noun. Surprisingly enough, the noun varies. And then the chorus is all like, “Love is you. Love is you and me. Love is believing we are to be.” or something like that. I threw my arms in the air and punched my brother’s swiss ball. The swiss ball is a ninja so it was not affected. Then I got even angrier and started cursing. Then I felt better.
*ahem* But yah. I was very disappointed.

AH!!!!! Official TSL preorders… With a signed CD. And a t-shirt. Not sure if I’ll buy it. Mostly because preorders suck and the CD comes late. That’s what happened with Brand New’s record. Mmph. I feel so much closer to owning it!
… And I’m worried that if I preorder it now, Best Buy’ll end up adding five bonus tracks or something. Not to mention that Best Buy is so much cheaper.
… Actually, the band manager already said that other stores are going to have bonus tracks. Lame. But this means signed stuff! =(
… And dude, the t-shirt is really lame.
Oh, f*** it. I’ll preorder it. And now that I’m at the store, maybe I’ll get a TSL sweatshirt. Because I’d be awesome once I own a TSL sweatshirt.

/impulse shopper
_________________

Mmph. So, I think I should define my beliefs once more. In a list because lists are cool.

• The bible is a story, and should not be taken as fact.
• If you can pick and choose whichever parts of the bible are metaphorical, who is to say the creation of the earth is not a metaphor?
• The afterlife does not exist. You are no longer conscious after you die- this rule applies to non-believers and theists alike. The laws of nature will not change for you if you decide to believe in one thing or another.
• Fate does not, either.
•  I am not worried about being condemned to hell forever, because god is a man-made concept.
• I only believe in abstinence before marriage not because of religious beliefs, but because there are less problems that way.
• When I die, I do not care how you dispose of my body. I’ll be dead.
• Angels do not exist. Just because something good happened to you, it does not mean that you have to give credit to a divine being. Good things happen without divine intervention.
• Souls are not really there, either. Our consciousness does not correlate dualism.
• I don’t really believe in love, either. Love is a byproduct of evolution, and that is it.
•  And, of course, god does not exist. (I’ll quote Lorren here, “So, where is god? Is he hanging around Saturn or something?” xD)
• The devil (or the new name, “satan” (here, I’ll digress. The bible uses the term “devil”, but modern-day christians call the devil “satan”, instead. Are they getting a little embarrassed, here? The same thing applies to creation —> intelligent design.))  does not exist.
• Hell does not exist.
• Heaven does not exist.

Overall… Anything that implies divine intervention, I do not believe in.

[/rant]

A stopped clock is right twice a day

Dude! BABY JESUS SHARK RETURNS!!!

Yesssssssssssss.

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• death (8x)
• suck (6x)
• hell (5x)
• hurt (4x)
• dead (3x)

Hahaha. I cannot believe that.

Woah. But anyways.

I am utterly bored living inside this house right now. I started reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I may as well get started on it because the new book is coming out soon. I am going to read the newest book as quickly as I can without any outside interferences because I do not want to know who dies (and you know everybody is going to be talking about it. That is how I found out that Dumbledore died. Before I even opened the book.)

… Harry is totally going to die.

I love atheists!  =D

OMGZ! I couldn’t find a way to post it here, but it’s so cute! I was squeeing for about ten minutes after I saw it. Srsly.

… Uh, dude? I have no idea as to what this uncyclopedia thing is for, but it’s pretty darned interesting to read. To be honest, every single page is offensive to one group of people or another.

*ahem* but anyways.

My bruise is purplish yellow. It looks really punk.

I may post again later. Because I can.

A dollar under water keeps on dreaming for me.

… “ This time it’s on my own, minutes from somewhere else.
Somewhere, I made a wish with Lucky Denver Mint!”

Bowling alley french fries suck.

Finally, they came out with the study about the music preferences and activity within the brain. I’m not that enthused because I have been wanting that study about preferences and personality, but I suppose this will have to suffice. I’ve been waiting forever for this, yet I am not reading it. Weird. And even after this realization, I feel motivation because I am writing right now.

We went to St. Vinnie’s after school today to find Super Nintendo games. There were none. But I was not disappointed since I bought this book I have been eyeing for a couple of weeks now (Body-Mind and Creativity… It’s a really old book; it was published in 1954. Okay, not that old, but still.) and a textbook on anthropology AND a book on the brain! Oh, the excitement!

Ah, school is ending! It is all I have managed to think about (among other things) and I’m pretty sure it is what everybody else is thinking about, too.

I was watching this thing on television and the stupid narrator kept using the adjective, “catastrophic”. I screamed at the television, “STOP USING THAT WORD!” and my mother asked me what I was talking about. And then she told me that yelling at the tv “really helps”. I then proceeded to pout.

Yesssss. It’s a crossword puzzle first filled out by a scientist, and then a creationist. F*** yeah.

Hehe.

AND I PRESENT TO YOU, COOL PICZ. (And no, not Amanda picz. Hopefully, if my HTML is right, you can click the image to see the original. If you have the time, I highly recommend seeing the pictures on this dude’s blog, because they are nothing short of any cliche phrase.)

Uh, yeah. With that wonderful segue, I have to tell you- I love travelling. If only I had the means. I would love to actually experience “life”. Because I get the feeling that staying here is not really experiencing it. My parents would never allow me, and that thought depresses me.

And I present to you

… THE VIRGIN MARY OF SHARKS!

And with that pseudoscientific evidence, I have come to believe that Jesus is coming back to save the non-sinners. Because this baby Jesus shark is going to be huge.

AND WITH THAT I PRESENT:

The chronicles of baby Jesus shark!

Once upon a time there was a little female shark who was kept isolated from other male sharks for three years. She was isolated from male sharks because these male sharks would cause this female shark to sin and make love. Making love is not condoned in the bible. It is illegal and not condoned by the bible for sharks to get married, either. So this lady shark was all by herself and decided she wanted a friend.

After years of hard work, she pooped out a baby shark and named it Mighty Jesus Man (because God created man first, you know. Jesus is not pronounced Jee-sus, it’s pronounced heh-soos, ftw.) She soon found out this new “friend” of hers was so much stupider than she was and slightly schizophrenic. This little dude wanted everything! “Oh, I’m God.” this, “God did it, and I am God.” that, this poor female shark got really angry!

This female shark no longer cared about the ten commandments Mighty Jesus Man kept talking about, but she didn’t want to go to Hell. She decided to put Mighty Jesus Man in the microwave and cook him for a good twenty minutes. The bible said nothing about cooking people in microwaves. The bad thing was, she was a shark and needed help from people.

She then proceeded to talk in shark-talk to some dudes who would not stop killing THEIR babies and abusing THEIR wives. She put some fuzzy angel wings on and started to talk to the men, saying she was God. They didn’t believe her because God created men first. A magical mustache was on the floor of her tank and she put it on, and began to communicate to the men.

She told them extraordinary things about her Mighty Jesus Man. She lied about all of it because all she wanted was for people to hate Jesus and find how annoying he is, and was satisfied years later, after he was crucified. THE END.

keep in mind it’s picture time

… “My smile wasn’t staged but anyway.”

The best feeling in the world: Reaching for a glass of water and realizing it is apple juice. F*** yeah.

I napped today. Which was quite nice. Until my dog barked the loudest he possibly could have, in which I proceeded to cry. Thanks.

Oh, and today I totally had a conversation with the one person I *really* care about. It was swt. And I did not act like a total bimbo. Or maybe I did, but I don’t remember. Either way, the memory is rather nice. And he looked at me awesomely. Although it had no connotative meaning, it was still pretty rad. (Actually I remember this vividly now (five minutes after I wrote this paragraph… He was all freaking out over homework. I guess the oxytocin is not flowing much through my brain right now but dude, why overreact?! )

I took a math test today and I was on the very last question and the bell rang. I was pretty lucky because my teacher is giving us extra time tomorrow. It was a bit odd though, because my teacher was handing out the test to our row and was like, “Amanda, you look so sad!” and then Cameron was like, “what’s wrong?” I was completely surprised by my teacher even asking, I wasn’t even looking sad! And if I did, it was completely unintentional. So I said, “Really? I am? I’m as happy as I can be!” it was a little weird since I never seem to get attention from any of my teachers throughout the day.

It is also weird that everybody cares so much about the dress I’m making for the dance! Every now and then somebody would ask me how it is going (and it does not have anything to do with the conversation) it’s nice. I can’t help but wonder if they are just making small talk, though. You know me and my pessimism!

I stayed a little after school today and bought my ticket for the dance *finally!*

You know what’s swt? Visual illusions. It’s cool because they had this contest and chose the top ten. They have possible explanations of how they work for most of them.

This is something almost as awesome: An article from Wired talking about how absurd security measures (like banning fake guns in school plays) are psychologically satisfying but not practical at all. Finally, the world is not as stupid as I once thought! These dudes at Wired should have my babies. Hmm..

I think it is time for me to reflect on the year. This year was pretty terrible, but I think that was due to the stress of school. What can I say? I enjoyed every single hug I received, we all had such awesome conversations. I absolutely love how my friends (from either lunch during the year) had always made me feel better. We always laughed! Which was great! If it weren’t for this year, I would not have been able to truly appreciate the people around me. This year, psychological maturation has progressed at a much faster rate than the past two years combined.

I’m trying to find some kind of atheism thing I can do to put on my portfolio. It’s something I really “believe” (if that’s the right word) in- and it’d be swt if I could do it. But then again, the separation of church and state is far from here, and some colleges may reject me for being an atheist. Sure, it’s discrimination, but I do not doubt it would happen. The *slight* psychosis I have been diagnosed with will not help either, oops!

Hah, Jerry Falwell has died. Oh, you don’t know who he is? Let me give you a brief synopsis:

1. He was a strong segregationist. He changed his mind later, but he referred the Civil Rights Movement as the “Civil Wrongs Movement”. He even wanted a book to be banned because the main character was black.

2. He advocated the death penalty for homosexuals

3. He believed public schools were bad because they condoned atheism, secularism, and humanism.

4. He opposed women’s suffrage

5. Falwell sued people. He seemed to like it too.

6. Yeah, wikipedia’d. “In November 1983, Larry Flynt’s pornographic magazine Hustler carried a parody of a Campari ad, featuring a fake interview with Falwell in which he admits that his “first time” was incest with his mother in an outhouse while drunk” Yeah, he sued them for it, too.

7. He sued some dude for making a website called Fallwell.com. I guess he missed the extra L.

8. He was anti-semitic and believed the anti-christ would present itself as a Jew. In the Middle East.

9. He claimed Tinky Winky was gay because he is purple. And has a triangle on his head. Really. Yeah.

Oh, and by the way- thank you for that link, Heather- it is a bit late but it is still pretty useful! And I’m thinking of taking some pictures, because this is the freshman dance! =D

Oh, it’s so hard to have something to love

… “and keeping quiet is hard. Because you can’t keep a secret if it wasn’t a secret to start. At least pretend you didn’t want to get caught.”

OMGZ! Pathetic, I know. But he totally said one sentence to me today. (oh, you don’t realize how much this means to me! Look at the tags for this entry and you will soon see.)

I bought some new fabric today, although I wasn’t planning on it! I just went to the store to buy some muslin and I came out with different fabric for my dress. It’ll work because it’s so much nicer- but gah! I didn’t see that coming.

Today felt really weird. Cloudy, I guess. It happens every so often when I get really stressed out. I got around to sewing the crinoline, which is pretty darned time consuming. It’s time consuming because in order to make one you have to:

1. cut out the tulle, which is VERY difficult to do because it’s so delicate/see through so it ended up all jaggedy on the ends. 2. Hand sew the top evenly.

3. Gather evenly. I suck at doing this! I spent forever and a day making sure it was even. Andandand! It’s more than one layer of tulle, which is so confusing!

Maybe it seemed so much harder because it was like nine last night when I was working on this.

I took three AR tests today and I now have… Six and a half points. F*** yeah.

Mondays are always really depressing, it seems. As emo as it is going to sound, it really seems to help not showing how stressed out I am/sad/blah during the day. I mean really, look at me anytime during the day! I’m sitting there clapping or smiling for no reason at all. Smiling tends to breed more happiness, it seems. And with the friends I have, I can never be truly sad! =D

Dear you:

I saw you today and it made me feel so happy. You even saw me back! And even though you’ve overheard me talk of these things so many times before… This one has lasted pretty darned long. On one hand, I can see why you do not care as much for me. On the other, I feel incredibly hurt, because you chose her over me. And made it very obvious. I hope you know you’ve always been my favorite! You walk the red carpet in my eyes! And has anyone ever remarked of how your eyes change color? Today’s teal was so wonderful in comparison to the sapphire from last Thursday! And did you know that next week marks a year from when I played that trick on you? And we had a real, lengthy conversation about it? I hope you remember, because that was my only true plea for your attention. Oh, if you but knew! I adore you more than you will ever know. I believe it’s time for me to assign you a number according to your name, here it is: 38792.

I was hurt when you thought I made it up, in more ways than you will know. Maybe I will get up the courage to ask you for three minutes. It’ll be the best.

On a lighter note… AH! PERSON L IS GOING TO RELEASE AN EP LATER THIS YEAR! Can’t wait here, either. This year is going to be *beep* awesome.

On a more thought-provoking note.. This sucks. I’m experiencing existentialism. Again. It always seems to get me when I’m all frazzled. Ugh. I need to stop sounding so emo. Because I have nothing to be emo about! The current situation I am in is pretty stressful but I mean, my parents love me, my friends love me… I have everything I have ever dreamed and more. I have nothing to complain about, yet I am. Yeah.

You give me something to miss

… “And I believe it, I believe that you are gone and I was the one to let you… I can’t handle three nights, so I shudder to think when the nights turn to weeks.”

Gah! I am now assigned the duty of doing the laundry. Yes. I knew it happened to other people but I didn’t think it’d happen to me. So, I’ve spent my entire day worrying over whether or not the load is done because I’m afraid of not getting a load done. Stressful business, doing the laundry!

I also spent the afternoon (during loads) trying to figure out how my dress is going to look! I’ve decided the dress will be cross-bred between about three dresses from Baby The Stars Shine Bright, I believe. I’m not quite sure. But these dresses are beautiful- hopefully it’ll work out! I need to get started on creating my crinoline, which I have drafted. It’s terrible though, because there are virtually NO instructions online. Anywhere! I finally finished the math review a few minutes ago. But it doesn’t help that I absolutely need to finish another book by the end of the weekend, but I can’t focus on anything because I am so worried about my dress! Oh, and I need to shower. AND! I need to figure out what is going on with Teagan’s birthday because I said I would go hang out with her, but considering the fact that the dude she likes is going to be there… I do not think she is going to talk to me much. Or when she does, she’s just going to tell me the same inside secret we’ve been playing over and over for the past year. Uh.

I went to Old Towne with Allie yesterday. It was swt. I got sand dollars and some really cool rocks. But since we went to the library beforehand, I had to carry around the hugest bag of books (although, it has not been the biggest as of yet) As a result of such hard-core exercise, my arms hurt. We ate lunch at a bakery. We saw April. Oh! I also bought the beloved Rowan Classic yarn (ten percent cashmere!) and Jo Sharp Silkroad Aran (five percent cashmere… What can I say? It was *kind of* on sale!) But yeah, I totally wasted all of my money (fifteen dollars for two skeins! I couldn’t believe it, either)

You know of when I stated I finally grasped the concept of death? I think I was wrong. I really think I have it this time, though. I’ll tell you something- I’ve never been one to fear death. Never. Which is another reason why I do not buy into the whole Christianity thing. But anyways- I was just thinking of how when you die, how incomplete it would feel. And how one wouldn’t even know they are dead after. And how you would be (yes, another cliche) nothing. Absolutely nothing. It’s such a weird concept to grasp. And here we go!

Pseudo-intellectual ramblings! Oh, and I realized why people our age are smarter than they appear. And that is because we have so much time on our hands (thanks to the now broken National Association of State Boards of Education.) to think about things like this during school. Hah. (This idea was *kind of* stolen from Samson after he told us about how there will never be another Isaac Newton)

Oh, but I didn’t steal this idea! I believe I once read “safety pins- nonexistent while necessary, strangely abundant when not.” somewhere. Forget about the part about safety pins, you get the point. People notice safety pins (forget about the part about forgetting about safety pins. This is a good example.) when they are around, not while they aren’t. So of course it seems like they are abundant while not necessary, because one only counts the hits and not the misses! *chikapow* what now, universe?!

And with the whole tagging thing.. I love how I have forty-three “big life events”. I suppose I should have labeled these entries as “highly sentimental”, considering one of the posts includes a *cough* certain conversation I had with a certain *someone*.

Here’s to dying in each other’s arms

… “Oh, why did I have to try it? Here’s to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car, when the first star you see may not be a star, I’m not your star! Isn’t that what you said, what you thought this song meant?”

I love Konstantine because it alludes to “For Me, This is Heaven”, by Jimmy Eat World. *teeny bopper scream*

I saw Heather this morning but couldn’t think of anything to say.

GAH! The freshman dance! It’s what everyone is talking about and I’m going to need to take the time out of my day to get permission slips. Maybe I’ll get more than one so I’ll save somebody the trouble. Ah!

Oh, and I’ve finally decided: I’m going to pre-order Directions. That way, I won’t have to wait! And given the fact that there will be tons of promos for it which include free stuff, why not? My love for The Starting Line is truly insurmountable- I am willing!

OMGZ! TSL!!!111
/preppieness.

So, uh. You guys haven’t heard much about the devil and god raging inside me. Hmm.

Dear you:

I cannot forget those three seconds. It’s so terrible! How we hardly talked about anything. “Show him how clever you are.” And how you type. Like a total idiot. And the only thing we discussed. Was my best friend. Slightly creepy. And how you looked at me the next day with such acknowledgement! I suppose I’ll say this just like I have in the past six letters to you. If you but knew! I adore you more than you will ever know.

Appreciate the fact that I have not mentioned him in a very long time. To anybody, really, besides when he walks by, and I proclaim my adoration. But ANYWAYS!

And you know what I’ve been saying about Ted Haggert’s heterosexuality? “Some people say he puts the ‘men’ in ‘amen’.” So, here’s the youtube link! And I’m not sure if I came up with this or that dude did, but hey: “You put the ‘fun’ in ‘fundamentalism’!!”

“Friday, May 13, 2005

Aev92: lol at lunch me laurie shelley and lorren and megan were carrying each other around

Aev92: it was so fun

bebes2392: haha

bebes2392: i was eating

Aev92: they said that i was really light and they were thinking of dropping me

Aev92: but then they thought

bebes2392: haha

Aev92: “its amanda, we cant drop her! she is too lovable” Aev92: thats what they told me

Aev92: lol

bebes2392: haha

bebes2392: no one should drop amanda

bebes2392: cuz shes fuzzy

bebes2392: haha

Aev92: yea lol

bebes2392: want to hear my favorite song

Aev92: okie dokie

bebes2392: IF I HAD MY LITTLE WAY

bebes2392: ID EAT PEACHES EVERYDAY

bebes2392: THEY WERE PUT INTO A CAN

bebes2392: THAT WAS MADE BY A MAN

Aev92: lol

And, uh, the way I typed at the time… Disregard it- that was two years ago. Oh, dear… I just read some of my old Xanga entries. I sounded like an idiot and wrote the stupidest things. I actually filled out memes. Alot. And loved mainstream bands. Alot. *shudder* And no, I will not provide the link. It is so full of stupidity. And unnecessary angst. And just stupid things! Never again! ANYWAYS!

Upon discovering my own beliefs, I have discovered other people’s beliefs. I don’t mean to sound so… Uh, terrible, and normally I would not even write this, but I am committing this to memory- it is so depressing how such smart people can believe in such stupid things. I should join the Rational Response Squad.

And you don’t like being here in the future

… “So you say the present is just a pleasant interruption to the past.”

Today was pretty terrible. Actually, it was okay, but all the bad parts seem to catch up to me right as I come home. My narrative sucks. But I’m not sure if I really believe that. I think I’m just adding to the list to make myself feel slightly better, paradoxically.

I’ve started up a blogspot account, and I may be using that instead. I just need to find a way to upload all of my entries (who knows, maybe I can find a way to add my old, old, Xanga entries. I’ve had that blog since sixth grade, I believe.) to it, because I am not going to copy and paste for three hours. I have almost four hundred posts here. I’m not going to waste my life.

Anthony is finally getting around to read my arguments. But he’s also picking fights now! O.o Before math today, he challenged me. I was caught completely off guard, therefore, I sounded like an idiot. The more I thought about it, the more I think I should have told him, “This is not the time or place to deal with things like this.” But then again- I’ve done the exact same thing, just not as formally as he did! Ugh. So, uh, I should take the blame here. But the thing that really got to me was that some dude started talking to us about it. I don’t even know that dude.

But, I’m PMSing, so I’m not in the best mood. I’m pretty darned bi-polar when I’m ending the cycle. Just because I feel absolutely terrible, I’ll give you a quick list, describing how great today was:

1. I was running late again, and forgot my lunch.

2. I’m on my period.

3. I will soon present a powerpoint in digitools.

4. I’m on my period.

5. I’m really stressed out about school ending. I feel like there is so much I have to do! I don’t know when AR ends (and if I don’t get my points, I will have to do normal PE next year. But then again, this is my fault, too)

6. The freshman dance is coming up and even though I could care less about the dance, I’m afraid I may miss out on something if I don’t go. I have to confirm plans before my father leaves.

7. I let Debbie borrow something in like March, I think, and I need to get it back before school ends.

8. I have decided I need to trim my hair.

9. I need to decide how my dress is going to look for freshman. I can make the dress in a full afternoon, but I am still planning.

10. I am very tired of stupid people. And because of my slight bi-polar-ness, it gets to me even more.

BUT ANYWAYS! Yay! Apparently, atheism is becoming more mainstream. YES! No more stupidity! … Sadly, it will be a very long time until something DOES change. And you know what else made me happy?

#1 Wave their hands in front of my face making it impossible to see the stage. (Will you put your hands down? I get it. They’re singing a song. I’m happy, too. Use your mouths, people. Jesus doesn’t love you any more because your hands are in the air.)

#2 Yell out random words (”Praise Jesus, Hallelujah!”) while I”m trying to listen to the sermon. (You agree with the pastor. We understand this. But just say it in your head or nod silently.)

#3 Walk in after the music- or worse yet, the sermon has started. (If it’s not that important for you to be on time, just stop showing up.)

#4 Look at me with anxiety because I’m brown.

#5 Look at me with excitement because I’m not white.

#6 Assume that because I know about the Bible, I must believe in the Bible. (It’s the opposite that’s true.)

#7 Perform a skit that is supposed to tell the day’s message. (They’re not funny. And frankly, the kids are bad actors. Let’s get to the sermon already.)

#8 Tell me I’m on the “right path” by being there. (I was doing just fine a couple hours ago, thank you very much.)

#9 Pass out Christian business directories. (It’s like saying the Christian lawyer is trustworthy, but the Jew lawyer will take your money and the atheist lawyer will try to lose your case on purpose, and don’t even get me started on those brown lawyers… these directories aren’t helping me understand “Christian love.”)

#10 Ask me if they can pray for me. (If you want to, just go ahead and do it.)

#11 Ask me if they can pray for me, then put their hands on my shoulders and begin praying. (Stop touching me.)

#12 Mischaracterize people of other faiths or no faiths. (”Those atheists know God is there; they just don’t want to follow His rules!” “Those Muslims really want to become Christians’ to the MissionaryMobile!”)

#13 Assume that everyone who is not Christian must be “saved.” (I’m quite alright. And stop putting your hands on my shoulder.)

#14 Bring their children, then proceed to fall asleep during the sermon. (If you don’t want to be there, don’t drag your kids with you.)

#15 Say that those of other Christian denominations aren’t practicing “true” Christianity. (They believe in Christ, but they speak in tongues! The heretical bastards!)

#16 Look at their watches mid-sermon. (You know this pastor goes long. If you weren’t prepared to sit through it all, you shouldn’t have come.)

#17 Pray for things they can just as easily take care of themselves. (You want that promotion? Then work harder. You want to pass that test tomorrow? Then go study.)

#18 Pastors tell stories without giving citations. (There’s this true story of a guy who [insert random Bible-based act here] If it’s true, give me some actual facts.)

#19 Pastors ask questions with obvious answers. (Who here believes the Lord is going to save them today?! I think the people in church are going to say “yes.” Call it a hunch.)

#20 Pastors take an hour to analyze a simple, straight-forward Biblical verse. (The verse told me to trust in God. I get it. Let’s move on.)

Okay, miscellaneous links: Anything that involves Richard Dawkins makes my day. Richard Dawkins, have my babies?

Also awesome? God’s Digital Home. AKA God Alrighty.

Little Drawings. Matt Rawlings is one awesome dude.

That one band I saw live with Riza on Angela’s birthday, Left At the Castle.

Sorry for all the myspace links. Myspace’s layout just creeps me out. Do names really influence a person’s future? Yeah. I’m a psychology nerd.

If you want to persuade a woman…Look her in the eye. (An article talking about your influence on a person via eye gaze.

Yes, you saw it coming. BBC’s documentary on the effect of anti-sleep medications on health and society.

Memory’s affect on hunger. Yeah! Am I interesting now? =D

Okay, besides that… There is not much else to discuss. The content of my ideas lately are just atheism. Depressing, I know.

CUE THE CONTROVERSY!

Oh, I love the internet. (oh! Before I get started, I’ll have you know that I’m almost halfway through tagging my entries!) It’s all about the National Day of Prayer. And how it was not a success at ALL. They set up six hundred chairs, and not one person attended.

And how the abstinence training programs having absolutely no effect.

I just thought this was funny.

I just came up with some GREAT arguments against creationism and the basic existence of god, but Anthony is really stressed out right now and I don’t want to add anymore to it than I have. I didn’t know he was this stressed out earlier- if I knew it, I would not have fought as much as I did. And yes. I am hacking up tons of stuff out of my mouth. It’s almost like the exorcist. If only I had some pea soup… (Not really. I’m just coughing alot. But didn’t that sound SO cool? /nerdiness)