Alright- today’s my day to do my stuff.

That is, I’ll categorize the uncategorized posts here AND title the posts I’ve been lazy about. Yaaaaaay. Except not.

In your heart there’s a spark that just screams

For a lover to bring, a child to your chest that will lay as you sleep and love all you have left like your boy used to be, long ago wrapped in sheets warm and wet.

I swear, that’s the only song I like by Neutral Milk Hotel.

I stayed home today. Like, everyone in my house is puking and experiencing diarrhea and all that stuff. I didn’t eat at all yesterday and I didn’t eat much today either.. UNTIL THE AFTERNOON. At which point, I pigged out and forgot about my illness. Nothing that bad has happened as a result from it, so I think I’m good.

But yeah. Today was pretty terrible because of that. I accomplished very little. I hate days like this because the only thing you’re really capable of is sitting around watching tv. Even if there’s tons of stuff I could have watched, I didn’t really want to. I feel like I wasted my life today.

I did take some practice AP tests online, though. I also took the technical college test thing for math. I was amazed how easy it was.

I’m still freaking out over Knowledge Bowl. I really want to do well. It’s kind of hit or miss, though.

sldkfjlksjflksjdf

dsjlkfjs;ljf. Man, I want to go to this so badly but nobody can take me. :3

;saljflks;jdf;lsdkjf

Obama isn’t coming here. Now I need to re-invite Amelia to Tolo. I hate everyone.

And dance round the room to accordion keys

We might go to Ikea tomorrow. Instead of going to the seminar since I don’t think I’d enjoy myself too much, even if I paid fifteen dollars to register.

I bought clotted cream, scone mix, and lemon curd over the internet yesterday. For like, ten bucks so I could use my free shipping coupon code. Yeah, I just put tons of filler into my basket because the only thing I really wanted was clotted cream. In order to buy it, I had to order three of them to use the code. I suck. I’ve never tried clotted cream before and I bought three of them to save almost thirty dollars on shipping and handling. The payoff is reasonable, but I still feel pretty stupid in spending ten bucks on food. Over the internet.

I also bought One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest for my brother’s birthday. It’s about time he reads a book, especially a classic like this. Except I doubt he’d read it. I bought it used, but still, I spent a good seven bucks on it. I also bought myself a collection of the greatest existential works or something. I was hoping to buy the dictionary of existentialism, but it is, indeed, a hundred dollars. I thought the library was kidding or something.

I keep having these stupid dreams that are replete of paranoia. I don’t particularly care about it anymore, but it still haunts me in my dreams and eats away at my soul.

I’ve been addicted to Ask MetaFilter. I would love to join, but I would feel really dumb paying five bucks just for a membership. It makes sense why they have the fee there, but it would feel a bit embarrassing to use tangible money to pay for something as impalpable as a membership to Ask MetaFilter, haha.

I watched the democratic debates, yeah. It was good until I fell asleep. I had managed to watch a good hour and a half of it before I felt a nap coming on, and, well, if there’s an opportunity to sleep, I TAKE IT.

__

K. Now that I’m older and should be considering what I want from relationships, I’m having a problem with the concept of monogamy. Er, yeah, I’m a hypocrite.

Cons:

1. Monogamy is a social, not a biological, law. Case in point, we aren’t birds.
   • What is the point of being in a relationship if it isn’t exclusive? The reason why you are in a relationship is to be singled out- to be special, or whatever.
     • But, then again, I don’t understand why it would be so important if one is treated differently over other people; it may seem like a monogamous relationship (in the sense that they are treated with such undivided attention while together) even when one shares such an experience with other people.
2. I don’t understand why people are so possessive over their significant others, really. I think this is more of a personal flaw rather than a flaw of monogamy, but it is a still a flaw that exists and is related to monogamy. I think the reason why this personal flaw is so common is because we are brought up in a culture that greatly values monogamy. People get punished for being unfaithful in this society. So, basically, this flaw can be attributed to the basis of monogamy because it describes how strong of a hold it has on society and how unhealthy those implications are.
3. If you trace the origin of whoever began promoting the idea of monogamy, it’s pretty easy to figure out: Christianity. Sexual repression is the core of such an institution.

The bottom line is: Why is promising sexual exclusivity important in the first place?

All this fighting will amount to nothing more.

I bend to break.

I’m getting sick. Therefore, it made finals pretty unbearable and left me feeling incredibly used up. I finished my first final in an hour and had nothing to do for the rest of the period. Basically, today was full of inactivity, up until the final.

I want to get out of this carpool deal so badly. I can’t stand the frustration I am experiencing right now. Honestly, I could hurt myself, I am so frustrated.

So, uh, the guy that I’ve like(d) for however many years digs my best friend. I shouldn’t worry about it. I’m trying to remain as indifferent as possible. I know she’d never hurt me.

Got snowed in. Finals are delayed. Bought some books for the upcoming week. Progressed on my dress. Slept. Ate. Found a huge dislike for grapefruit. Saw Mr. and Mrs. Thompson at Costco, which made me cry. Almost. Saw one of my classmates working at Arby’s. Came to the conclusion that he is no longer worth it.

All in all, not a bad day. A pretty good day. I also discovered a new appreciation of my friends and wanted to give Megan a hug. I never give out hugs. A new era has begun.

In the parlor with the moon across her face

So true. I am so guilty of this. But I guess I don’t have much of an idea of what I want from life because I’m so young, which is different from what this person said, because they were emphasizing the point of how people are too distracted to think about what they want from life. Perhaps this ties into my post on dreams, but whatever.

I’m going to update my 101 things in 1001 days list today.

Surge of static electricity

Brought on by the fear of being seen.

Somehow, I end up watching these obscure horror movies late at night. The other evening, I was watching a movie, I’m not really sure what it was about, but this dude had sewn this other guy’s eyelids and mouth shut with fish hooks and then was stringing him onto a larger contraption, which he raised up or something and the dude exploded. Okay, I didn’t watch the guy explode, I had imagined that part, pretty much, because I changed the channel before I could see anything too gross. Decidedly, I need to stop watching television.

I finished knitting my really pro-looking lace scarf. I dig it. I just don’t know if I’ll ever wear it.

My sewing machine hates me and refuses to finish sewing a straight line. I’m pretty unhappy, even if it’s under warranty. I start sewing and then it goes, “Nu-uh, oh no, you didn’t!” and one of the lower loopers end up being unthreaded. I think the only thing I have to do to mediate this problem is to re-thread the machine, but I was too angry last night to even think about it.

It sucks knowing that today is the last day of the weekend. I’ve been bored this entire time. I tried to do something productive and that didn’t happen because of my sewing machine. I’m going to do something cool today. Yeah, I’m going to do something cool today. But the first thing I have to do is shower. Peace out.

Such magnetism, now you’re repulsed.

Something happened up in the heavens and it snowed last night. So, cool, GIVE ME NOTHING TO DO FOR AN ENTIRE DAY.

I finally updated my 101 things to do in a 1001 days list. I love how I unintentionally did these things. Especially number 67. Perhaps I’ll add more things to the list, since I have seventy one right now on the list. Which is not equal to 101.

But anyways. I don’t know if I’m going to Tolo at all. The only reasons why I went to Homecoming was because a) I liked my dress and b) I had fun at the dance before it, Freshman. Except for the fact that Homecoming sucked. So now I only have one reason to go- teh dress. I have the best idea for my dress, I think it’s going to turn out great, but maybe I’ll just wear it for Allie’s party instead. I don’t have anyone to go with to Tolo because Megan has ski school that day and I don’t think anyone else even wants to go since Homecoming was so egregious.

But anyways. What a great way to start the year, man. Here’s to year that won’t suck.

If I’m so freaking beautiful/gorgeous/amazing, then why don’t people ask me out more often? Oh, yeah, I only hang out with guys that actually have girlfriends. Man, I need to get new friends. But even so, why not? WHY SHOULD I EVEN CARE?! sldkajfksjdf

This must be it- welcome to the new year.

… “But the postcard that’s taped to the freezer reads, “Wish you were here.” Oh, how I wish I could disappear. I’m trying to find out if my words have any meaning. Lackluster and full of contentment, it always ends the same.”

I spent a little over six hours yesterday logging Dante’s Inferno. I’m about halfway done, and I could definitely get it done today. I feel so rushed to get this out of the way- I wish I felt like this earlier during break so I wouldn’t be freaking out so much. I’m going to get my dress started either today or tomorrow, because I came to the realization that Tolo is a month away, and whether I’m going or not, I may as well get a dress ready so I won’t be so stressed out.

Man, the year is almost over. This year was absolutely terrible- for everyone. The more I became aware of the things that are happening around the world, the more it depressed me. I was watching this pod on Current where it was a year in retrospect- it made me cry.

I went to see Alvin and the Chipmunks today with Allie. The storyline was extremely typical for a Disney movie, but it was really cute. I wouldn’t say that I’d watch it again, but the overwhelming cuteness of those things…

Man, we never have anything to eat in this house.

I don’t have too much to anticipate for the rest of this winter break. I’ve given up on the quest through the World History book, seeing as they portray the bible as fact (Really. It got me angrier than you could ever believe.) and the redundancy within their writing style puts me to sleep almost as much as the psychology book does. I have a few math assignments to do and the logging for Dante’s Inferno, but other than that, I’m clear. I can’t wait to use my serger for something useful. I’m gathering ideas at the moment, yeah.

I think I’d better get started on the whole scholarships deal. There are, indeed, tons of them, but I don’t know where to get started. I’m motivated because I know there are tons of scholarships that go unclaimed. Oh, and with these scholarships, you have to have a clue as to which profession you want to be in, which school, etc. but I’m not too set on those ideas right now.

You say you’ve got a headache and it won’t go away

… “But I’m part of that problem and you want me to stay. . . I’m a ball of emotion, you’re a half-open book, but I can’t read a thing, so it’s not looking good. But it can. You breathe so they can- all those men.”

Things are getting exponentially better. I guess. I fell asleep during first and second period today. My AP Psychology teacher is so suave. He comes in for three seconds, puts on a video and leaves because he has a meeting or something. I don’t blame him for it, I just find it a bit funny.

I’m volunteering for the Festival of Trees soon. It’s going to be fun because Riza’s there, yeah.
Oh, and by the way- he’s absolutely everywhere. And I love it more than you could imagine. But then again, Riza says that I’m really pathetic. But kinda, not really- because I actually told him how I feel. Sure, it was two years late but I done-did it.

I was watching Current the other day and this dude came on screen and he was talking about after shooting this movie in the wild, that people started to look really funny to him. He said something that I’ll probably remember for a while, it was along the lines of:

“When I came back to Hollywood, people just started to look funnier to me. Everything people did just seemed so impractical to me. This isn’t to say that I think people in Hollywood are superficial- people are people, but they just began to look very silly to me.”

I admit, I’ve called people, “superficial,” before, but the way he stated it made me question whether that is a valid qualifier. Quite honestly, it isn’t. People who supposedly lead superficial lives do not believe it is superficial because it’s not something one really works toward. So, technically, they are being true to themselves. I hadn’t really thought of it in that way, but I’m very glad that I did.

I’m cooking Thanksgiving dinner once more this year for the family. I just hope that my mom doesn’t get all, “OMGZ, cook this and this and this and this.” and critique me. If I remember correctly- you have little to no aptitude for any kind of culinary art. Yeah.

No one’s ever gonna love you like I do.

… “And anything to make you smile, it is my better side of you to admire.”

The culinary thing was a complete waste of time. Never again. I had expected the people to tell me something along the lines of, “Oh, if you want to pursue a career in the culinary arts, you can do this, this, this, and this.” But no.

OMGZ GO TO THE CULINARY WHATEVER OF AMERICA AND YOU’LL GET MONEEZ.

The epitome of propaganda.  Never again.

Decidedly, that pushed me away from the culinary profession quite a bit. Not just the propaganda, but the fact that it’s cooking, full time- five days a week, six hours a day? Sure, they may have smiling womenz on the cover, and advertise their snowboarding stuff and camping stuff. But is this something that I could get tired of quickly? Definitely. Soz, maybe evolutionary psychology is for me, mostly because it makes the most sense.

I found a necklace on the bus today that somebody left behind. Half of the chain was missing, yeah. I considered giving it to the office, and do not take this as a selfish way to keep something (seeing as I do not need any more shiny things. I don’t remember the last time I wore jewelry.) but here it goes: The ethics of the lost-and-found have been thrown out the window. But I can understand why, because it is so impossible to monitor these things. It still sucks. But if they say something about this on the intercom, of course I’ll turn it in. But if nothing happens, it’s something to put in my memory box: THE FIRST THING I FOUND ON THE BUS. :D

In AP Psychology, we were watching this NOVA film on the credibility of psychics. FINALLY, someone spreads the knowledge of how pointless and pseudoscientific it is. Yessssss.

Oh, and by the way, NOVA is the epitome of all things good in this world. That astrophysicist host brings the rad.

This is a friendship

… “Not Where’s Waldo!”

I need socks desperately. I honestly think my washing machine is eating up my socks. I don’t care what they say, NO!

Tomorrow’s school again, and I have to organize my Gilgamesh notes. Not particularly something I am looking forward to, since I feel like I’ve analyzed this enough (around fifteen pages of notes, yeah.) but I will continue to conquer this book and do the best that I can for this class.

Tomorrow is also Guy Fawkes’ Night, so get your parties crankin’, yeah!

Oh, and I realized Friday night that that marked a year from, er, this. Of course, that led me to read Les Miserables for only this part, though. But eh, at least something’s happened, though. He notices me now. For rlz, yah. It’s quite wonderful but it is also incredibly bizarre because I’m not adapted to it at all, and so when he looks at me, I feel like he’s looking at someone behind me. Or whatever. I suck, yeah, but that’s okay because most people at this age do, and most of the time I am exempt from the generalization. Except for now.

YOU CAN IMAGINE IT HAPPENING, YEAH.

Christmas Winter Solstice is coming up and I need to come up with ideas for my list. I never have something that I truly desire for this occasion, although I really need a serger. Or at least, a better sewing machine because the one I have is only full of pain, sorrow, tension problems, inconsistent stitches, and of course- BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM. I hate my sewing machine so much that I only use it when I absolutely have to. I just need to find a reasonably priced one that has, at the absolute least, an overlocking stitch. That is what I desire, end of discussion.

… Next to a few books and a new pair of earbuds because my old set broke. Okay, last two sets. D:

So, here’s something that has actual substance:

My mother was not much of a touchy-feely person when I was a child. Once (okay, much more than once.) when I was a child, my mom was making peanut butter cookies and I came in and wanted to help and she yelled at me to leave. Decidedly, she is not one for being superfluously comforting, no. And for some reason, she’s being very touchy-feely lately, and I have to say that I loath the situations. (For those who are not aware, “loathe” with an e means something one deeply hates, while “loath,” without the e, is avoiding something.) It’s not something I’m used to, and quite honestly, I dislike it quite a bit. My mother takes offense to this, but she still does not respect the fact that I don’t appreciate it. So she smothers me to death.

Two of my friends dated. And then they broke up. And the woman is being making their breakup so interminable that their relationship ended around three months ago and it is still dramatic. The dude, on the other hand, isn’t handling the situation particularly well either, but he went so far as to say that he hates his ex-girlfriend, and their entire relationship was a mistake. I only understand the latter, only because they were best friends beforehand and now they never speak to each other. She is coercing everyone into choosing a side, and I chose hers. But now, I am questioning that decision, and I find myself feeling so bad for him that I am trying to reestablish our friendship.

It’s not like I ended our friendship; I chose sides but I hadn’t made that message clear to him because I don’t see him around enough to do that.

Even if he said that he hates her, and I find that as a completely egregious way to approach the situation, I don’t think that choosing sides is necessarily the correct way to approach this either. This has not been made apparent to other people in our group, but hatred only spreads hatred. If I choose to take part in this, I will only make it worse. He has been nothing but nice to me (okay… Even if he said that I am a bad person and that I am dooooooooomed forever because of my secular beliefs and all that jazz, I am willing to look past that because people get weird when it comes to those things. Everyone does. I do.) and I should not treat him differently just because of what he said about his ex-girlfriend. That circumstance has nothing to do with me.

And, of course, this only leads me to believe that dating people within my own group of friends will only lead to chaos. I can honestly say that I have never liked a person within my group of friends- which is a great thing. As unreasonable as generalizations are (paradox!) I don’t think I will ever date someone within my group of friends because the implications of our inevitable breakup will ruin everything.

This somewhat makes up for the absolutely useless posts I’ve been churning out, right?

You can tell me that I’m an idiot who doesn’t know what to say

… “but I’d write a million letters to you every day until I get things right.”

Gosh, why do you have to be the way you are.

MSCL came out on DVD a few weeks ago. Oh, that show is so wonderful. I’m exactly like Angela, yeah.

There’s a person from the Culinary Institute of America coming to my school sometime and I signed up to go check this person out. I’m interested, but I have no clue as to what I should expect.

I’m tired of paying testing fees, gosh. Within the past two months, I’ve spent a little under fifty dollars paying for things that pertain to school ONLY! The PLAN is coming up soon, so I signed up for it. It’s supposed to be harder than the SAT, so I’m a bit frazzled, but I should do fine since I’m so darned smart.

I had some pretty profound things to converse with you, but I completely forgot, so maybe tomorrow, yah? :D

We’re not alone, just lonely all the time.

… “Are we ever going to get it right? Are we ever going to start making sense and stop pretending that we care?”

I’m making Riza a crocheted amigurimi bear for her birthday, which is next week. I am not an expert at crochet at all. I suck at crocheting- I’m most definitely a knitter. But, this thing is going surprisingly well! The arms just look a bit… anabolic as of late, so I’m going to need to fix that? D: Anyways, I crocheted for a few hours last night and all I have left is doing one arm, and the legs. Very quick and easy!

I’m also thinking of making this for her. She loves cutesy stuff like this, as impractical as it may be, haha. I also need to think of Christmas winter solstice presents to make for people, too, which is a bit stressful, but it can be done!

Mom and dad are pressuring me into making my Christmas winter solstice present list. I really desire a serger. Okay, I do not desire one, I need one. My sewing machine now is the absolute dreg of sewing machines- it meets my most basic needs (straight stitch/zigzag) but other than that, it does nothing for me. It may have a buttonhole stitch on it, but every time I use it, I end up wrecking the fabric because it is so overzealous. It is impossible! to sew any kind of jersey fabric; I’ve never sewn spandex or anything stretchier than jersey on my sewing machine, but I dread the day when I am forced to!

… Ironic, how Santa Claus and Jeebus are so interrelated!

Er, I’m dying to find the alternate version of When Paula Sparks by Copeland. I deleted it off of my computer a few months ago when I hated the song, but now I love it, unfortunately. So, help a brother sister out?

Jeebus, I love this scratch-out effect. Thanks, wordpress!

I’m looking forward to making this fettuccine with asparagus and mushroom recipe. Little did I know, Epicurious is a show, too! -embarrassed-

Okay, so something not crafty.

My life has been going at such a fast rate right now. It’s very nice, actually. I love being busy and having things to look forward to. Speaking of it, this dude from Ashworth University asked to syndicate some of my blog entries than pertain to psychology onto this other blog for older students. I haven’t even graduated and something like this happens?! It’s a pretty big deal, I think, just because it proves something about the way I write. Maybe?

And the whole diversity thing is pretty big to me, too, it’s all I can think about, because I haven’t done anything like this before. Katelynn got a chemical burn from some chlorine at the pool and she was gone, I hope she gets better. I heard that the burn is pretty severe- they had to call urgent care at the swim meet. She can’t put clothes over the burn because it’s so sensitive. She really wanted to do the diversity thing, too, I hope she gets well enough to go!

So, I guess this is what people mean when they talk about, you know, “life.”

… If only my SCs truly looked like SCs. They look too knitter-ly. Too, loose? They aren’t chunky! I broke crochet!

… I don’t care, I just want to make something as cute as this!

WOOT!

I just finished tagging all of my entries. Have fun exploring the past if you have not already done so. … Actually, I’m probably writing this only to myself. Tagging is mostly… Simply put, I organized my blogs into topics, and now when you click here, you can view any blog that I have ever written, according to topic. It’s pretty neat. But I’m not that interesting so I don’t know how this’ll work out.

Static to the sound of you and I, I’m done for the last time.

I BEAT THE SYSTEM!
Heh. I woke up at nine this morning! Yus. I’m a happy camper.

It’s already Sunday! Maze Day is coming up pretty soon- I can’t wait to see my friends again. Maze Day was so fun last year- I remember I walked in, and Rachelle was there, and Karen too. I haven’t talked to Rachelle in such a long time- she was the coolest person in seventh grade. She was such a reasonable person, so real. I still know Karen, I’m happy because of that- we’ve become better friends- which is something I didn’t necessarily expect. I’m starting to realize that good things are unexpected, no?
[I remember, within five minutes of being there, I saw Ryan.. Hah. It was an interesting experience, considering his haircut was less than adorable. Needless to say, I got home and wrote an entire blog entry about it- figures.]

I want to get some clothes from American Apparel . Their stuff looks so comfortable. But, so expensive! Eek.. Sixteen dollars for a shirt? It’s on sale too! Their shipping costs seven dollars!

I’ve been looking around for those grapefruit mentos. The more I think about it, the more I contemplate getting a whole box of twenty. But, knowing me, I’ll probably get tired at around the tenth roll. I guess I’ll start that habit of hiding rolls around the house, so when I do find it, I wouldn’t be bored of it. It’s nearly impossible to buy just one roll of them online. I found one place, and they’d ship it to me, by tacking on a fourteen dollar shipping charge. I’m thinking of e-mailing the company, to see if they could send me just one roll of them. I’d pay for it, I’m just dying to see how it tastes:

“The color is lovely, like the center of a Ruby Red Grapefruit. The ingredients are pretty intriguing too, with the first three being: sugar, glucose syrup, grapefruit juice (3%). Wow! The front of the package says artificially flavored, but mentions nothing about the natural part!

They don’t smell like anything, which make me a little suspicious at first, but a bite and a chew later and not only is there a wonderful citrusy tartness, but an intense aroma of freshly sliced grapefruit. There’s no hint of that terrible bitterness you can get with grapefruit, but it’s not lacking in complexity at all. There are the sweet and sour notes, but also that oily zesty feel and the fresh scent of grapefruits. There’s a lingering feeling of that grapefruit peel long after the candy is gone - far different from the green apple chemical feeling in the mouth.

It’s actually a fun candy to be around other people when they’re eating it. It’s like someone has lit an aromatherapy candle (the grapefruit scent is supposed to “increase self-esteem and bolster confidence”). Our Canadian neighbors are quite lucky to have these as a regular product. If I were a motivated person, I’d petition Mentos to sell them in the States, but part of me knows that it probably wouldn’t play well here. “

Gosh.. That really made me want to try them. I’m not much of a grapefruit person myself, only because of it being way too sour for my tastes.

Another lonely night in Amsterdam.. [If we can see it, why can't we beat it?]

It’s getting late pretty fast. When you’re gone for most of the day, the rest of the day just seems to fall before bedtime.

I was so ecstatic when Fuse aired LGFUAD by Motion City Soundtrack.. I wouldn’t say that I loved it, but it was interesting. I liked how the people in the video kept moving and worded out the lyrics. I kept watching it mostly because I wanted to see who would come out next. I liked the part where the guy was wording out the words in his cell phone, and the next person who worded it out was the woman on the other line. I also liked how Justin came out in the beginning, and he didn’t come back until the end, trying to get into the liquor store ["the liquor store's closed, I was so close to scoring, it hurts, it destroys until it kills"].

Oh, and did I say that I ate Ivar’s clam chowder?! In a bread bowl? Most awesome stuff I have eaten in a long time. It kept me full for a while too. Until I wanted to eat something sweet. So I gave up and ate my awesome peach candies!

Anyways, the clam chowder was excellent. I have just discovered how delicious clam chowder is, so I don’t know if Ivar’s is good or bad. But right now.. It was heavenly. I wonder if I’ll ever get around to making some of my own. But I bet it’ll never beat Ivar’s.

.. As you can tell, I’ve been reading candy blogs and record reviews.

[The best chocolate in the whole wide world: Cadbury's milk chocolate. The extra creamy kind!]

There was this shop in the Tacoma mall.. Totally for nerds. Full of Anime stuff. I only went in there because I hoped to score some more foreign candies.. My luck ran out at the World’s Market.