Wow, this week was absolutely terrible. It was mostly because as much as I try to admit that I feel better, I don’t, and I should not still be thinking about this since I haven’t spoken to her in months. I suck.

Except when I don’t. :3

Aw, at least we’ll all die someday and this won’t mean anything. Despite everything, I hate how true that statement is.

… And I totally refuted the point about the importance of personality tests. Basically, here is what my teacher told me:

“This test is how you are.”

What I love is that I was the only skeptical person in the room. Everyone else willingly accepted this as truth. Really- is everyone that insecure about their convictions about themselves?

I couldn’t believe it. And I looked like a weirdo or an idiot because I refuted him. If I think it’s wrong and he fails to prove me otherwise, I’m not going to accommodate him. He basically told me that those results were indoctrinating in relation to my personality. Uh, yeah, now I realize why Zoe transferred out.

I’ll be as antagonistic as I want to be. Obviously, everyone else in the room was willing to accept it just because our teacher said it- and they were arguing against me about it, too, so the conversation would end. I’ve read more psychology textbooks than any of the other students- I have not read one that encourages the use of personality tests for practical or even personal purposes. In fact, I haven’t read one that even views personality tests in a positive light. I won’t say I know more than the teacher does (but that is by a very slim margin) but I do know more than the other students, who are taking the class because they are primarily interested in pop psychology. God, I’m angry.

… And yeah, he hit me with, “They’ve been using these tests for centuries!”

Shall I list the logical fallacies? Yes, I shall!

1. Appeal to Belief
2. Appeal to Common Practice
3. Appeal to Emotion
4. Argumentum ad antiquitatem

Everyone can suck it.

‘Nuff said.

Napoleon’s tailor dressed him in a giant hat,

“… and funny platform shoes. He said anyone can be a hero, you just got to force people to look up to you.”

So I expected that they wouldn’t pick me, but it really wasn’t enough. I’m trying hard to remain as selfless as I can be. I know this isn’t a personal attack. I know that there are people who are better than I am at this. Taking me could potentially ruin our chances at state. This is a competition. If they could take everyone, they would. They just can’t. I shouldn’t be taking this so hard.

But anyways. I went to the diversity alliance meeting today. We made posters. I left early with Melissa. I feel so terrible about it, though. I impose on her time with John. As misanthropic as I am, I am trying very hard to understand that she, like most people, appreciates the time spent with her significant other. It’s not just that, though. I don’t do it on purpose. If Debbie and I were cool, then I wouldn’t be doing this to her. The more often this happens, the more I feel I am a burden to her.

We have to take a personality test online for AP Psychology. Uh. Dear god- ALL of these traits can apply to ANYONE. This is comparable to astrology. I can’t believe I have to do this.

… “Are you sometimes rude to people? Rate how much you agree with this statement from one to five, five meaning agree, one meaning disagree.”

Dude, like, don’t even go there.

Not to mention how terribly wrong the results were. It suggested that:

1. I  do not seek out new experiences.
   • Seeking new experiences is what life is about. Why would I deny myself that?
2. I am “neither organized or disorganized.”
   • Er, way to be even less helpful than you were originally.
3. I tend to shy away from social situations.
   • I’m quite the social person. I have tons of friends. I giggle myself into a stupor so other people don’t feel uncomfortable, kthx.
4. I find it easy to express irritation with others.
   • Only sometimes. Which is not often.
5. I am generally relaxed.
   • Actually, that’s quite correct. Except when it’s not.

Er, yeah, that was fail. I expected more since this was an assignment for school. How wrong I was.

So that’s my rant for today. I now have to get started on the four math lessons I have to do, and prepare myself for the quiz. That is tomorrow. And I have no clue what this limit sequence thing means. Uh, yeah, I’m pretty angry.

… “This should be a night to be remembered. We’ll remember. You can be sure of that. Unexpected- you’re expected. No one else will know that you’ve been crying. Think of where we are and who would care.”

(This post is from a few months ago. I’m trying to clear out my saved drafts. I just don’t remember when I wrote this or if I did post it and wordpress messed it up. Whatever. Enjoy the nostalgia.)

Knowledge Bowl has been pretty amazing. We went to a competition last week. I couldn’t be prouder of our team. I suppose I get the point of “team morale,” now. And yeah, it’s a sport if you compete. I got a free pencil, even if I *kind of* stole it from one of the judges. I spent twelve dollars on two sandwiches and bought the most disgusting drink I’ve ever had. All in all, it was a great day. Even if the homie that asked me out in summer school was there. He goes to Olympic and we shared the bus with them. All the way to Fort Warden, which is about two hours from home? Awkward, yeah.

I’ve been knitting like crazy to get my winter solstice presents done. And just doing random stuff to get these presents done.

Other things have been going down, but it’s quite stupid and is a huge waste of time so I’m not going to elaborate further. It’s not stupid, but absolutely irrelevant. You know, disjointed.

It snowed. Our house kinda flooded, too. It was very minimal, but it was enough to get my mom nervous for days. Like, omgz a corner of our house is letting a tablespoon into the downstairs of our house.

I read what Logan wrote in my yearbook. I didn’t really know how to respond to it, mostly because I didn’t know how he wanted me to respond to it. Anyways, it made me cry for about an hour and I ended up speaking to my yearbook about it. Like, why do you keep doing this to me? And stuffs. He was like, yah, you’re a good person and a terrific writer. And then at the end he said that maybe “we’ll get closer.” How was I supposed to interpret that, necessarily? I was speaking to Anthony about it and he said that he thinks that Logan’s being sincere about it and that he wouldn’t mind getting to know me better. Because if he hadn’t brought it up again, of his own volition, then he probably was just being nice. And I’m thinking, “Cool.” Gosh, as much as I love him and as much as I try, I don’t think we’re ever going to get together in that way and if we were to, it’d be really disastrous. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.

Seven people like me right now. If one were to herd these seven people into a room, they would be a “small crowd.” Wow, I hate everyone.

But anyways. I don’t know what else to say. The last time I wrote here, things were very different, you know. Just… very different. I had no reason to think that Logan didn’t care about me, because he kind of does. At least enough to reassure me twice that I have some sort of chance to get it on. But uh, I don’t know what the deal is with Debbie, so I won’t go into that. But to everyone else that doesn’t read the newspapers; she doesn’t really want to have anything to do with me. Or whatever. So, that’s what the protagonist of my life story is dealing with at this point, among other things. I don’t need to elaborate any further now, yeah.

We bought a huuuuuuge tv for our downstairs living room. We didn’t have enough room in the car for me AND the television, at which point I discovered everyone’s true priorities. I had to sit on top of the cardboard box on the way home. Sure, we broke about sixteen different laws as we did it, but we brought “the big boy,” home.

And sink into oblivion.

Uh, yeah. The team I planned on going with didn’t make it to state. Melissa kept apologizing to me about that today. I know just as well as she does that they have no intention of taking me as an alternate. I don’t blame her for it. I’m still very bummed out, though. I really wanted to go. I guess this is a stupid thing to cry over, but I guess I’m willing to waste that energy. Yeah, my priorities are out of whack and I’m seeking attention from my audience. So much so that I choose to write stupid and corny metaphors to grab their attention.

You know how I said that Knowledge Bowl makes me feel inadequate? Yeah. I guess it is something worth crying over. lasjdflskjflkdsfk

I didn’t want to make my other post too long. I feel really emotional today. I have to say, after writing this letter, I’m pretty proud of it. I can breathe metaphors again. (Oh! I did it again!)

Hang me up to dry.

We ride different buses now. There are people who ride the bus, but there’s this dude named Charles who almost always has a seat beside him that is empty.

I enjoy his company greatly. I love talking to him. I absolutely soak everything in whenever we speak. It’s such fun. If he were my age, even if it’s just a year younger, I wouldn’t mind dating him. Or whatever. Megan has this huge thing against him, though. She opposes how he tried to advance their relationship so quickly- he called her house within the first week of school and asked her out. Typically, I attribute and favor someone who takes risks like that. Even before I began to get to know him, I thought that was a pretty admirable thing to do.

Hah, the only positive thing about changing buses thus far is that I can talk to him more often than I used to. Every time I talk to him, I realize how much we have in common. It is surprising, since I just met him. Even if I am aware that this has no divine intervention involved whatsoever, I still like the idea. It’s hopeful, if somewhat delusional.

I tend to gravitate toward people like this. Perhaps that is because it reflects how I am, actually. Or at least, I think so. It is very difficult for me to characterize myself since I just do whatever I think is right. I do not do anything for the sake of spontaneity or to look cool. I do things for myself. It is very difficult to pick out patterns within my behavior because of that.

Cody showed me a few pokemon cards that looked like cephalopods. I’ll be honest- I’ve never been too interested in pokemon, and I don’t have aspirations to be in the future. I do not have an opposition towards pokemon- I think it’s the cutest thing ever. Which is shallow, but whatever. Cody showing me those cards made my year, though. He always manages to find some way to make me happy.

And even then- the thought’s so soothing.

Cold War Kids. Yeah. I’m digging them now.

But anyways.

So the guy I like has a crush on another girl within our circle of friends. I’m really not supposed to know this.

K. So I got over him. I got over everyone else. And when I’m absolutely, positively ready to try something new- I find this out. Come on.

And I have every right to be.

1. I am frustrated because the only seemingly available vessel restrains me because it is the wrong time.
2. I am frustrated because I have/had to keep it a secret, once more.
3. I am frustrated because this will mean virtually nothing.
4. I am frustrated because I mean virtually nothing.
5. I am frustrated because the one person that I truly dislike is the person he loves right now.
6. I am frustrated because inaction is the only option I have.
7. I am frustrated because I do not particularly care about hurting anyone.
8. I am frustrated because acting upon my feelings will ultimately result in me being hurt.
9. I am frustrated because no matter how I set this up, there isn’t a way around it- I can’t do anything.
10. I am frustrated because the more we hang out, the more I realize how compatible we really are.
11. I am frustrated because this questions my values, but that fact means very little to me.
12. I am frustrated because this ultimately faces me with the fact that I am a hypocrite.
13. I am frustrated because despite all the agony that I went through to get to this point, it will remain unrecognized.
14. I am frustrated because nothing I ever do seems to get me anywhere.
15. I am frustrated because I am constantly tricked by an illusion of change.
16. I am frustrated because I know we will probably go nowhere.

I am something. You are something. We are nothing together.

Gosh- the more that happens in my life, the more I realize that there’s no way I live in a solipsist world. I could not have possibly done this to myself.

Or, inversely, the more that happens in my life, the more I realize that this world is a solipsist one. The real world could not possibly _be_ this stupid.

I keep making a fool of myself in front of the cool dude that wears slacks. It’s not like I’m fully aware of it, either. I’m not trying to show off for him or anything. I only realize he’s around once I’ve actually embarrassed myself, kthx.

toothpastefordinner.com

Aw, I love that web comic so much, haha.

We went out to eat at a mexican restaurant in Tacoma yesterday for breakfast. I don’t really know why it was so important, but we went there. We also went to a mexican grocery store, Borders, and the Tacoma mall. It was a pretty good day.

I have a ton of essay questions to get done, but quite honestly, these questions only get stupider and stupider, so I have little to no motivation to get them done. Except I will get them done. Because I have to get them done. Decidedly, my work ethic has changed alot within the past couple of months.

At least I can name all the presidents in nine minutes. But that’s a result of practice. Basically, it’s for Knowledge Bowl, haha.

But nobody says that you are so late.

Today, one of our teachers gave a presentation on Black History. He is a great speaker and I respect him tons. I was looking forward to the presentation. And, yeah, it was a spectacular presentation, except I knew almost everything within it. I was hoping for some sort of epiphany to occur, and even if it did for almost everyone else in the audience, it did not occur for me. I already view life in the way that he had hoped to establish during the presentation.

Decidedly, I have not had an epiphany in a while. Primarily because I have already questioned most of what life is right now- I have an opinion on virtually anything people can throw at me when it comes to societal issues. And this is what bugs me- his presentation did not inspire anything within me. All it did was confirm my doubts, or whatever.

But still. Someone give me some sort of confidence that this was an okay thing to happen. I feel like a bit of a loser. Having known everything and the insight and stuff made that powerpoint virtually useless to me. I wished so much for that to have reached down into the depths of my soul and brought about something to think about.

I feel so disappointed, and I can only attribute that to myself because I know stuff. And that irritates me.

Carousel.

Blink broke up three years ago today.

Aw, I remember when I came home and I read about it. I almost started crying. Man, that bummed me out for the rest of the day. And the following day. And it still saddens me. I think there are more posts here dedicated to blink than there are of any other band.

… I was always like, “Oh, they’ll come back in 2006.”

Knowledge Bowl was k. My team isn’t going to state, but another team is and the other team is tied with another local school. It’s interesting. I might even come along with them, since they need alternates!

On the way back, however, we had a huge conversation about religion. I did not establish this, mind you. I tried very hard to not be insulting towards everyone else.

… But man, I thought the people on Knowledge Bowl would be smarter than this. Yeah, it was a pretty ignorant assumption to make, whatever. I expected them to be slightly skeptical of things like this. I’m pretty ticked off. I do appreciate how the guy who thinks I’m hot looked at me with such hope and adoration when I said that I wanted to announce something to the group, only for his dreams to be smashed down by my antitheistic/atheistic views. Uh, that’s what you get for being Catholic? :3

The thing that bugged me the most was how I was so torn between my “it comforts them, let them believe whatever they want.” and my “oh my god, they are so wrong about everything.” I was ready to bring it. Aw, I had so much faith in all these people not to let me down with their religious stuff. Oh, and their arguments were so weak. And typical. The conversation was not thought-provoking at all, which disappointed me because I had hoped that it would be; that is the reason why I was listening in the first place. I had heard it all before. Only by people that I had respected less. Well.

With Christianity, I’m not completely all right with it but I do not necessarily disagree with it. I think I can attribute that to the fact that I have met more passive Christians than I have met, say, fundamental Mormons. And there are alot of fundamental Mormons that I know. I oppose LDS at about the same level of Co$. The degradation of women seems to be more prevalent within the Mormon community than the Christian community. At least there are some Christians that are somewhat skeptical about their religion and tailor it to their needs, but it seems like there are more Mormons who are willing to accept it. Hah, I don’t think passive Co$ believers exist. I mean, if you have to pay thousands of dollars to achieve a higher status in a church, it wouldn’t be particularly easy to admit that the system is wrong.

Oh, not to mention that LDS and Co$ are cults.

Me: What is the point of salvation if you don’t even know what God forgives and punishes you for?

*everyone else carries on*

Me: Oh, and by the way, Jesus never existed.

*Kenny glares at me from the depths of his soul*

Me: Yeah, you heard that, didn’t you?!

*Kenny resumes reading his Salvation Map aloud*

_edit

So, what has this conversation done to my perspective of my peers?

I would hope the impact would be very little. I want to judge people by what they do and not what they think. Somehow, I don’t think I’m at that point yet. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to think they are dumber than I am, that they are bad people, or that they are any less respectable. I’m not sure what this means.

It annoys me that people can lie to themselves this substantially just to maintain homeostasis. That they do not try to get all of the facts before making a proper assumption. That they aren’t strong enough to face the facts. I also understand, though, that getting all the facts and all that jazz may not work for everyone. There are certain things people have to do to make themselves feel comfortable- even if I acknowledge it as it happens, I still do this for myself all the time.

As illogical as it is, I don’t want to admit that I do not have all the answers. I don’t think that’s illogical at all, actually, I’m sugarcoating it. People are smarter than I am, but I have a full grasp of this religious thing. I know more than most “religious” people do.

Oh- but to completely ignore contradictory facts to make oneself feel comfortable, is a completely different thing. It is forgivable to do this for minor things- not while choosing the foundations of your life. laskjdfl;askjdflkjdsf

—> Now, let’s reflect this back to myself. I know there is nothing I can say to these people to make them begin to question their beliefs. Quite honestly, I think they attach too much sentiment to them, because really, they have inherited these beliefs from their parents; it is that simple. Am I really this stubborn that I consistently get into arguments with people about this, even if I know that I am not going to progress at all? Perhaps I have not been exposed to this stuff live much. I can recall about fifteen instances in real life within the past couple of years that bring religion into question.

Another thing is that during this discussion, I spoke very little. I do not know when I’m being too harsh or if something I am saying is even insulting. I say what I mean, but that’s a pretty bold statement because I try pretty hard to sugarcoat whatever I am saying. But I never really know if I am being insulting. I suppose that is the Enlightenment fallacy at work. I tend to think that if I just put the truth out there, people will see that, and not whatever else they perceive it to be. Which is, of course, wrong.

In your heart there’s a spark that just screams

For a lover to bring, a child to your chest that will lay as you sleep and love all you have left like your boy used to be, long ago wrapped in sheets warm and wet.

I swear, that’s the only song I like by Neutral Milk Hotel.

I stayed home today. Like, everyone in my house is puking and experiencing diarrhea and all that stuff. I didn’t eat at all yesterday and I didn’t eat much today either.. UNTIL THE AFTERNOON. At which point, I pigged out and forgot about my illness. Nothing that bad has happened as a result from it, so I think I’m good.

But yeah. Today was pretty terrible because of that. I accomplished very little. I hate days like this because the only thing you’re really capable of is sitting around watching tv. Even if there’s tons of stuff I could have watched, I didn’t really want to. I feel like I wasted my life today.

I did take some practice AP tests online, though. I also took the technical college test thing for math. I was amazed how easy it was.

I’m still freaking out over Knowledge Bowl. I really want to do well. It’s kind of hit or miss, though.

Two headed boy, all in floating glass

“I watch your mouth move. I listen to your voice. I do everything you tell me to. Minutes later, I find myself sitting on a metal chair with my hands cuffed behind my back. I tell you this is the second time that I have been handcuffed in my life. You say nothing but your expression makes me understand that you don’t care. I don’t mind being in this position because I trust you, and even as uncomfortable as this is, I don’t mind because it’s time spent with you and any time spent with you is special to me. You ask me why I love you and I tell you that no one talks to me like you do. Some of the best times I have ever known are when you call me and we talk later at night, they are.”

- Solipsist, by Henry Rollins.

I swear, I’m going to buy this book and keep it forever.

btw, BACKPACK SEARCH IS OVER! :D!

The sun has passed, now it’s blacker than black

I’m so frustrated. I mean, things with us could work. I don’t know anyone else who is so easy to be around than you are. Anyone who has more things in common with me. How I can always forget how life is and who I am whenever I am with you. And how I would love to experience that as often as I can. But everyone would hate me. She’d feed me cyanide through a straw.

And that’s what frustrates me more! How I keep getting frustrated at myself with this assumption that I am such a people-pleaser, even if I know the situation is a valid one and that I should avoid it and maintain it. How I keep using that excuse to somewhat mitigate the situation and prevent me from worrying about it too much because darn it- I want it. I don’t want anything to stand in my way.

It also frustrates me that despite my rationality and excruciating degree of self-control that I possess- it is virtually unrecognized and is therefore unredeemable in situations like this.

HOW I SPEND SO MUCH TIME AVOIDING ACTS OF ADOLESCENCE BUT CANNOT ESCAPE THEM COMPLETELY.

But I didn’t mind, because I trusted you.

Yesterday night, and I started crying again over you. This summer was wonderful, but I can’t think about it too much, yeah.

Lorren sent me her homecoming pictures, which are quite red, but they were still nice to look at. Oh, nostalgia.

We went to the cheese factory yesterday. We got home at around eight, and we left at around seven in the morning. If only I remembered to bring my schoolwork, so I would not have been so bored the entire time! The factory itself was pretty underwhelming, seeing as there was really nothing there. I took lots of pictures, though. :3

We went to Sonic, a thrift store, and a craft store on the way there. I live for days like those, as boring as it was. We all had fun together, so that made the tedium okay.

Mom cut my hair the day before yesterday. It looks a little different. I don’t know if people will notice. I look super cute, though.

I’m singing all the songs while I’m sleeping on your couch

I went to the library today. I got the Henry Rollins books. Man, the things he wrote made me cry. I underestimated his ability to be poetic.

“Not disabled, unable. In my dream I die and come back as a brick. Yes a brick. The brick I come back as is lodged in a wall that was built in 1951. My exposed side faces the window of the woman I love who turned me away years before. Day after day I stare into her room, into her life. I watch her come and go. I see her with different men. I cannot call out, I cannot move. I am embedded in cement. I can do nothing but silently and motionlessly watch. I see her alone. Sometimes she cries and holds her face in her hands. I am forced to watch endlessly. Sometimes she stares out the window and looks right at me. It is excruciating to look directly into her eyes and know she does not see me; she only sees a wall. . . One day she moves away. Days turn into months and soon the first year of her absence arrives. In this time, I have done nothing but make up every possibility of her return to my view of potential reality. Five years pass. My mind has begun to drift. I watch squirrels and birds. A few families move in an out. I see a few traffic accident, a robbery. Leaves explode into colors and fall off branches. But at night when everything is quiet, I think of her. She is somewhere. I am here. Always here. Not waiting, just here. Please do not let me live my life untouched and tormented. Please help me escape the tragedy of myself. I envision my face: contorted and agonized, wild eyed, my mouth frozen in mid-scream. Never able to say the truth. Forever trapped. Suspended inside solid black eternity. Embedded, silent, identical to the hundreds of others, stacked symmetrically around me.”

I can hear as you tap on your jar

Uh, yeah, I feel a bit nostalgic and that’s why I’ve been posting all these excerpts lately. It’s comforting to see how much I’ve grown.

Aw, whatever- I’m always nostalgic.

Today in world history, my classmates were playing baseball with an empty water bottle and almonds. My respect for these people diminishes every time I see them.

I don’t want to love you if love is this alone.

10/28/05

When I left, I saw him smiling through the glass window fixed in the door. I had the biggest smile on my face for the rest of the day. It amazes me how special that conversation, which was the third one we have ever engaged in, was. I could not focus on anything until lunch, because he was there. It’s so much like a movie. It feels nice to be able to compare my life to that.

3/25/06

I made Allie creampuffs for her birthday a few das ago. I went to her house yesterday after school, I rode the bus home with her. Debbie did, too, but C missed the bus so Allie and her dad went to pick her up. So me and Debbie had nothing to do. Allie told us to watch TV, and she had like, fifty remotes. So me and Debbie were trying to turn it on, and when we finally did, we couldn’t find anything to watch since NONE OF US REALLY WATCH TV.
So we counted all the cows in her living room and kitchen. We stopped at 96, then we kept finding more, and Allie had a notepad that only she writes on, and I wrote that she had 96 cows, but then we kept finding more, to a total of 110, then we found even more, and we gave up.
Allie and C came back, and then we started talking in her room. We went downstairs and ate, then we went outside and played for a little while until dad picked me up.

5/6/06

Okay, this week has been so exciting, yet I am so tired of repeating the story. We went to California by train for two days. Which was ultimately delayed by three hours. Dad thought the experience was spetacular, but it was okay. We went because my aunt became sick from antibiotics and as she is 72, this is pretty simple “disease.”

We stayed at my great aunt’s house. The experience itself wasn’t particularly enriching- I had an essay to do, which I had to do on someone’s laptop.

We boarded the train once more, grandma cried! We watch 24 the entire way back and got through the first season. We were dealyed seven and a half hours this time, which only made me angrier.

When I got back, I found out that Riza has a new boytoy! Yeah, she does. This dude’s name is Zack. Mmph.

9 /14/06

Some dude: “You knit in class?”

Me: “Yeah. Our teacher said I could, so I kind of am.”

Some dude: “Oh. Knitting’s so cool, I wish I could knit.”

Just like you, only sweeter.

Today was one of the best days that I’ve had for a long time. I talked to Cody before sixth period (Er, yeah. I’ve been mentioning him pretty anonymously lately, but whatever.); I got an A on my essay final!!! Uh, I suppose that’s the extent of happiness that occurred within my day, but whatever. It was good enough for me.

After school as I was going to Knowledge Bowl, I talked to Kat from Spanish class. It was surprising how she had the idea of how I am “smart in Spanish.” She’s really cute, haha. I didn’t really understand how she got that message, since I hardly ever speak within that class and when I do, I sound pretty stupid. And it’s not like I judge the merits of my classmates by the answers they give in class. That’s the only place she could have based her judgment from because I never, ever speak to her. I was surprised she even recognized me as we were walking up the stairs together. It’s not like I don’t want to speak to her, the opportunity has never come up.

As much as I hate to admit it, Knowledge Bowl makes me feel extraordinarily inadequate. It shouldn’t. For one thing, this is supposed to be for fun, but somehow it turns into a who-has-a-larger-nerdy-penis competition, if you get my drift. Another thing is that the knowledge that is exhibited during the practices and competitions are not a reflection of how smart I am; basically, whether one knows the answer to a question or not is a matter of probability.

It turns out that my cumulative GPA is substantially lower than I had expected it to be. It’s not terribly offensive; it’s a 3.3, but I thought I had a 3.8. Yeah.

Uh, yeah. Thankfully I have a few classes I can jump start because of the As I received. I just don’t know how much that will bring my GPA up. Man, I guess I didn’t understand the system as well as I thought I did.

WE HAVE ORANGE JUICE WITH PULP IN IT.

Even if it still tastes way too acidic or whatever- there’s pulp. And that’s the only reason why I drink it. Except it makes me use the bathroom *cough*pee*cough* during the day, which is strange because it means that I have to go into the bathroom. It’s just so awkward when you’re washing your hands and you hear someone peeing and they come out of the bathroom AND YOU KNOW THEM. laskjdfl;askjdflskjdf

My new alarm clock eats away at my soul. It’s out to get me- I swear it. I woke up this morning and I was debating with myself whether I should go back to sleep or not and I told myself, “Well, I have another hour, whatever,” (In case you didn’t know, I put my alarm clock in my dresser drawer so it wouldn’t make my brain explode as it rang) and I turned over and fell asleep. Right away, the bell started ringing, and I forgot to put it in the drawer last night and it absolutely broke my heart, dude. That was absolutely terrifying.

NEVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN!