This must be it- welcome to the new year.

… “But the postcard that’s taped to the freezer reads, “Wish you were here.” Oh, how I wish I could disappear. I’m trying to find out if my words have any meaning. Lackluster and full of contentment, it always ends the same.”

I spent a little over six hours yesterday logging Dante’s Inferno. I’m about halfway done, and I could definitely get it done today. I feel so rushed to get this out of the way- I wish I felt like this earlier during break so I wouldn’t be freaking out so much. I’m going to get my dress started either today or tomorrow, because I came to the realization that Tolo is a month away, and whether I’m going or not, I may as well get a dress ready so I won’t be so stressed out.

Man, the year is almost over. This year was absolutely terrible- for everyone. The more I became aware of the things that are happening around the world, the more it depressed me. I was watching this pod on Current where it was a year in retrospect- it made me cry.

I guess I lied when I said that I’m not afraid of anything.

I’m scared to death of losing sight of reason. To give into emotion and ignore logic. My ability to be rational is something I deeply value about the way I see the world.

SCIENCE, DO NOT LEAVE ME. :D

At the cafe, by the launchpad

I think I have it figured out.

I realize why I’m kind of angry at you. Why I don’t really love you anymore.  Why I can’t stop everything and be in love with you, for even a moment.

I went out on a limb and it seemed to have worked out for about a month. Things were looking up. You tried. Obviously, that was an illusion. In reality, nothing has changed.  Everything I said before is becoming more incontrovertible: You don’t love me, you have no desire to, and we are never going to get together. A few days ago, I told myself that I couldn’t lose someone as great as you are. That I should try as hard as I can to keep you in my life, even if you’re far away from me. To keep the door of communication open. But right now, I feel so lied to and tricked. I couldn’t love you right now if I tried.

I could’ve done anything for you. You were the exception, always. I’m such a heartless person who throws aside emotion for reason, just not for you. I’ve wasted so much on you.

… And I continue to write these imaginary letters to you,  put aside other, more crucial things, to figure out what to do with myself and with this.

I went to see Alvin and the Chipmunks today with Allie. The storyline was extremely typical for a Disney movie, but it was really cute. I wouldn’t say that I’d watch it again, but the overwhelming cuteness of those things…

Man, we never have anything to eat in this house.

I don’t have too much to anticipate for the rest of this winter break. I’ve given up on the quest through the World History book, seeing as they portray the bible as fact (Really. It got me angrier than you could ever believe.) and the redundancy within their writing style puts me to sleep almost as much as the psychology book does. I have a few math assignments to do and the logging for Dante’s Inferno, but other than that, I’m clear. I can’t wait to use my serger for something useful. I’m gathering ideas at the moment, yeah.

I think I’d better get started on the whole scholarships deal. There are, indeed, tons of them, but I don’t know where to get started. I’m motivated because I know there are tons of scholarships that go unclaimed. Oh, and with these scholarships, you have to have a clue as to which profession you want to be in, which school, etc. but I’m not too set on those ideas right now.

Two-headed boy, pt. 2

But anyways. I finished reading Dante’s Inferno, and sure, it was only at the expense of my vocal chords. Man, I hate this retainer with a passion. It dramatically slows down the rate at which I can speak. Aw, annoying. I can’t say I got alot out of reading it, which is a shame. I have to read over it again anyways to do the dialectic notes, so I guess I have another opportunity to fully understand this book.

… Oh, but at least I caught an allusion to the New Testament, which totally was not in the notes at the end of the canto. I just hope it’s the right time period, or whatever. Something about No’s and Yes’. It’s neat, though. It proves my biblical aptitude, and seeing as the entire class is aware of my atheism, I think they’ll be a bit surprised. Even if I am completely unable to verbalize it directly. I recall this during circle time:

Me: Uh, yeah. My worst holiday was last year when I told my parents about my, uh… disbelief, in uh…

Someone: Santa Claus?!

(Immediately, I thought of the whole, “wow, it’s amazing how similar Santa Claus and Jesus are!” But I didn’t say anything. I decided to be nice.)

Me: Yes, Santa Claus.

I’m just scared to death of verbalizing it like that in front of everyone. I’m afraid of offending someone. When you’re speaking to someone personally, it’s easier since you probably know them well enough to disclose that. But when you’re speaking to a room of twenty people with various degrees of religiosity, it freaks you out a bit. But then again, if I make it a big deal like that, maybe I’m making it worse for myself. Honestly, though, it’s very difficult for me to say it in front of everyone.

I went outside to shovel the driveway with my mom. It took less than five minutes but when I came back inside, I was absolutely soaked. Not to mention that within fifteen minutes, the driveway was snowed over again. Yeah, I’m not going to go outside four times an hour just to ensure the driveway is snow-free.

I am trying to brainstorm ideas for the dresses, or whatever, that I’m going to make. I have one or two good ideas right now, although, I”m not sure how they will turn out. One dress is going to be the same as the dress I wore for freshman, mostly because the pattern is extraordinarily easy to recreate and I could make it in just a few hours. The other dress, though, I’m not sure about. I also have to find something to cover up my arms so I don’t get too cold, since these events are in February and March. So, I’m going to try and make sure the dresses coordinate with one another so I could just use one sweater instead of buying two. The fabric, I’m not sure about, either. I have a few dresses a family friend gave me, and perhaps, I could use that fabric instead of the usual cotton/polyester fabric I use. I just hate shiny fabrics, or anything too fancy. I just feel like I should go with the fancier fabrics because it’s an event like that. Even if I shouldn’t feel obliged at all, since the reason why I’m making my dress in the first place is so it would be something I would be comfortable in, and something that I really like. And anyways, fashion rules are so 2007.

Especially since it’s pretty much expected for me to make my dress for any occasion like this. Allie’s mother got on the phone when I was talking to Allie and asked me if I was going to make my dress for her party. Any time I talk about a dance or a party or any occasion, really, where I wear a dress, someone will almost always ask me if I made the dress that I’m wearing. It’s really complimentary, but I wouldn’t be telling the truth if I were to say that it doesn’t put stress on me. When it comes to the things I create, of course I want to make people proud of me, or be in awe of whatever I make. Even if it’s not my direct intent, I do want people to be surprised at whatever I make, because, quite honestly, people don’t sew their own clothes anymore, and it does take alot of work. There’s a reason why people switched to readymade clothing so quickly. Well, after it was made affordable to them.

I went to St. Vinnie’s yesterday, which was a bit fun. I found two bibles, which were given to me for free, as well as two religious pamphlets for a nickel. One of the pamphlets you fill in on your own- oh, I’m having so much fun with that. It’s turning out wonderfully. I also found some old maps, which I’m going to turn into book covers. It’s going to look so cool. I found the cutest embroidery book, although, my embroidery aptitude is very limited. I got a book on sergers, which was a great find for me, yeah. All under three dollars, too. Life is good when you’re at the thrift store, even if it means that I get Enrique Iglesias stuffed down my throat.

Oh, and by the way: Thank you, Psychology Today, for always putting the sleaziest articles on the front cover. My mother now lovingly names it, “the perverted magazine.” I’m honestly thinking of unsubscribing since all they report on lately is the most useless things. Unscientific things. Psychology is a scientific field, and is not about sex and work and all that stuff, only. Obviously, these headlines have probably resulted in more sales and that’s why they continue to do it. But it’s making me look like a fool to my parents, man.

I suppose I’ll put in my year-end post right now.

This year was a very difficult one. I don’t think I have ever cried more, lashed out more, or had to work harder than I did. I also had more fun than I ever have had. Most of the stress within my life can be credited to my parents, but it was partially absolved by the love of my friends. Typical of a teenager,  I know. I loved who I was at the beginning of the year. That isn’t to say that I don’t love the person that I am now, but I love both of those selves for different reasons. I don’t think I’ve ever grown up more in such a short time period.

This year was pretty great, too. I worked to keep my friendships going and became a bit more sociable. I stepped outside of myself plenty of times, yeah. Most of the things I was able to do, I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing a year ago. *cough*likemeetingandrewmcmahon*cough*

I have to say, though, I’m extremely proud of myself to have made it through this year. It was really tough, you know.

So, what to expect of the next year. Quite honestly, I don’t understand what the big deal is about holidays. The days themselves do not feel any different. But, I’ll just do this for myself.

This year’d better not be as dramatic as last year. I hope to gain more independence from my parents and convince them to live more sustainably. I hope to keep my grades up and that I don’t forget to be happy and live life to its fullest. I also do not want to forget when times get good, and that they do. I want to keep learning. I also hope that maybe, I’ll get in touch with Jennifer Sam again. Someday. You never know.

But he just laughed it off and it was all okay.

Man, this serger is my new best friend. IT’S SO PERFECT! ;lskdjfl;skjdflksjdf

Ahem. But anyways.

I have been quite the phlegmatic atheist for the past couple of weeks. I read an article about the ID campaign, again. The fact that they are trying so hard to pass themselves off as scientific just angers me more than anyone could imagine.

I also read an article about global warming, which also set me off. Because our president isn’t doing anything to keep it from accelerating, it’s making everything worse. Oh, he has the power and doesn’t even think to use it in the one place that really matters.

I need to buy thread for my serger. The threads don’t come in spools for sergers- they come in cones. And you need four of them, per color. I’m going to St. Vinnie’s today to try and find some cheap thread, but  I do not know how fruitful this journey will be.

My throat really hurts. I’ve been reading Dante’s Inferno out loud to myself to get used to my retainer, but I do this hours at a time. I’m almost done with the book, I have about forty or fifty pages left, but seeing as I started reading this two days ago, and  I’m on page 250 right now, I’ve been reading tons! Is it just me, or does Dante employ tons of run-on sentences? It’s a bit difficult to discern whether a sentence is a complete one or not. Or maybe I focus too much on how I cannot pronounce anything, to pay attention to the story.

Haha, it’s not like I write that perfectly, anyways. I scold myself for writing fragments here all the time, and absolutely incoherent sentences, but since this blog is for fun, I shouldn’t worry about it too much.

Uh, yeah. Merry Christmas. I appreciate how people can act like Christmas is more significant than the other holidays. I hate Komo 4, seeing as they avoid being culturally literate/neutral whenever possible.

Today was pretty eventful as of late. I received a serger and a new digital camera. Not to mention and ABSOLUTELY NEW Rubik’s cuuuuuube. I want to take pictures of my serger with my new camera, but it’s charging right now. All in all, it was a great Christmas.

Man, I’m watching this interview with Andrew McMahon, and it makes me so hyped for their new record. Which comes out sometime. Sometime. The clips in the interview sound really great, I am really excited. I’m going to set aside twenty dollars so I can get it next year, haha. I don’t think I could ever be more excited for a record. sldjflksjdf

Allie’s birthday party is in a few months, but I’m thinking of utilizing my time and making two dresses. One for Tolo, or whatever, and her party. Now that I have this handy dandy serger, I think I’m good. Except I need thread for the serger. They’re sold in cones for the serger machines.

Today’s Friday, it is my day to do what I want.

… Put on my makeup, dress up in color, pretend to be anything you need.

Dear you:

Man, I hate thinking about you. I am really not into you anymore. I don’t understand why, but y’know, you’re a real jerk. You can be cool sometimes but you make it so easy to be uncomfortable, and I doubt that’ll ever change. I’ll never get used to you. You are such a people-pleaser. You dilute yourself too often to even know what you really are. You act like a jerk around your friends and you turn around and act wonderfully to me, but that’s only when you’re by yourself. I don’t think I can handle that. I need a degree of static to get along with you. I don’t know you all that much in the first place even though I’ve known you for years, but even if you say that someday we might get closer, I don’t think I’m looking forward to it. You’re the most awkward person on this planet because of your overconfidence. It’s just too much for me to deal with. I couldn’t read you if I tried. I understand there isn’t one “true” self, but your varying degrees of personality and adaptability are too disparate to be from the same source. You constantly make it impossible to make conversation. Hah, and you’ll never have the time, either.

But anyways.

Tomorrow is Christmas, indeed. We’re going to wake up early and open presents. My mom doesn’t want to participate in the ritual this time around, but then again, she is always the person who breaks traditional practices like these. We may have the same thing, but it seems like I try so much harder than she does.

Oh, wow! I completely forgot to tell you guys how the Winter Solstice hand-out went!

The thing I love about my friends is that if you make them something, no matter how ugly it may be- they’ll wear it. Who knows, maybe they like the hats I made them, but I hadn’t the time to block them or anything. But still- everyone wore my AmandaHats on Wednesday. Everyone loved the CD covers I made them, especially Megan. She was astonished by it! Rightly so, since I spent a good four hours making those things for everyone. It was well worth it, but it was time consuming!

Cody was laughing so hard that he nearly cried when he got my present. Phar lent a bible to me because bibles are really expensive at the book store (and that’s the only resource I really had at the time) and it ended up being a bible called something like The Holy Bible For Healthy Young Women or something..

I’m still in the giving mood, though, since there were some people that I didn’t have time to make presents for. I had started making these presents in November and I still didn’t have enough time. All in all, even if it absolutely stressed me out and monopolized my time, I think I’m going to do it again next year. It felt really great. I guess that’s because you know that you have the ability to make other people happy, and sometimes, this is how you can get it done.

I just found a ton of patterns that I want to knit up. Man, I’m sure glad it’s winter break, even if I was planning on studying for finals the entire time. I’m so stressed out when it comes to finals. Each final we have is two hours long, and in between, we have an hour to study. We only have three classes on those days. This happens for about a week or so, I think. Everyone’s going to be on edge, I tell you. I’m not looking forward to it.

I’m planning on reading my world history book (which is a good fourteen chapters, and each chapter has around four to five sections.) since the final is going to be pretty comprehensive. It’s going to be taken on computers, so it’s multiple choice, but it has around five hundred questions. I’m not so worried when it comes to my english final or my psychology final since I’ve been working really hard in those classes and I know the material. Biology is another final I’m worried about, since I’ve been doing pretty badly in the class. My teacher doesn’t teach the class directly- she thinks that if she gives us labs and worksheets and stuff that we’d be able to make the connections and understand it. Clearly, it doesn’t work; almost seventy five percent of the class has a B- or lower.

I have to read Dante’s Inferno over winter break, too. I hope I will not be too bored by it. We have to log it, which is going to take forever. I have plenty of little assignments that are going to be due once winter break ends, but I can do those in an afternoon.

Even though I said that psychology is a final that I’m not worried about, one of my classmates told me that I should start studying now if I want to have any chance of passing. She said that the final kicked her butt last year. Because of her warning, I’m thinking of going over the chapter review packets that the teacher hands out. He gives the packets to us for no apparent reason, seeing as he just gives it to us and doesn’t tell us what to do with it.

Yesterday, Debbie and I had a pleasant conversation, sort of. She was on IM and I started talking to her but something is going on with her best friend and she said that she didn’t want to talk about whatever is going on with us, but that we could talk about other things. I was fine with that, so we kept talking about other things until she had to get offline. That made me feel a bit better about things. If only she were a bit more talkative, to make the conversation less awkward for me. I just kept talking and talking and then she’d say a word or so.

I spent some of this morning watching The Four Horsemen, which is basically a conversation with Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, and that Dennett guy. The Four Horsemen is two hours long, and I watched about forty five minutes of it. It got a bit boring at times, but that’s mostly because my mind was on something else.

But anyways.

Amanda Pattern Wish List:
Jen’s Sweetie Pie Hat, mostly because I’m trying to get into cables.
Sunshine!
Mrs. Darcy Cardigan
Pretty Puff’s Slouchy Hat, that is, if I manage to figure out this whole crochet thing. *shudders*
One row handspun scarf

I’m also hoping to make a blouse for myself, but I’ve said that before. Maybe a hoodie as well, but I don’t think I’m going to try using my knit fabric until I get a serger. I sure hope I get a serger, because that’s the only thing I’m really counting on.

Cool, things are getting a little better.

It’s getting old, isn’t it?

I’m listening to all this old stuff that I used to listen to in eighth grade. When things were good, you know.

Man, I thought I had everything under control. I don’t even have the ghost of you anymore to live off of.

The bad news is, time flies

… The good news is, you’re the pilot.

Wow, lots of things happened today.

We had circle time in English today and omgz some womenz was hitting on my manz. Even if I’m supposed to be “over” him, the fact that she has a boyfriend (pretty much) and I have (and never had) absolutely no claim over him… I’m still affected by it. There are so many reasons why I shouldn’t care, and somehow, I do. And that annoys me.  He even caught me looking over at him while they were flirting, or whatever. I have absolutely no moral objection to it- that’s the problem- but when I think about it, it makes me feel bad. I cannot describe the feeling, but it’s just bad. I mean, flirting is a natural thing for people to do, especially teenagers. A person can enjoy the experience of flirting without having any kind of intention of getting with someone, too, and if I were to have the intention of actually wanting to date him (which I no longer have), even then I wouldn’t be completely offended.

Man, something’s up with me. Perhaps, I feel a bit offended just because he knows that I like him and he has the nerve to flirt with another girl in front of me. But then again, how does that involve me at all? Is this a problem of sensitivity or politeness? Er, whatever. I shouldn’t care, so I won’t.

… I admit, though, as much as I love him, I find myself incredibly attracted to the girl he was “flirting,” with. Terrible, really. But maaaaan, she’s got it going on.

Oh, and I found out that golf is, indeed, a spring sport. He’ll never have the time- I may as well utilize the other people around me, yeah.

Wow, never needed a guillotine to get you off my miiiiind.

I gave everyone their presents this morning. Cody was laughing so hard that he almost cried. Personally,  I didn’t think it was that funny, and I was the person who was giving him the present, but it was a nice surprise.

And speaking of Cody, Riza overreacted once more today and was all, omgz Cody is dating Rocky now, omgz. Come on. He obviously is not dating her. And she was crying. I could not help but remain the incredibly insensitive person that I am, telling her that she absolutely crazy and there’s nothing she needs to worry about.

The Youth Suicide Prevention Team came into my class today. It was really bizarre. The roleplay was a bit funny, though, since I am far too critical of the world and could not see why people said that the girl that was acting was good at it. It was a lot of screaming. That was it.

I got home and we went to see I Am Legend. It was a good movie up until this woman started getting all omgz jesus on us. I didn’t know what to expect.

Although, I admit, I loathe going to the theater. Not for the movie itself, of course, but because of the darned previews. I go to the movies to watch one movie because, for the most part, I have some deep moral issue with the other movies that are showing. That’s why I don’t watch the other movies. But, of course, it is a window into our society’s collective consciousness, which scares me to death. The first couple of movies, which are, indeed, Adam Sandler movies, contained tons of racial stereotypes and played off of them. omgz a terrorist wanting to be a hair dresser? A ridiculous story line on top of an absolutely offensive movie! Way to go!

Most of the romantic movies that are showing are elitist, although, that’s incredibly typical of American movies these days. Every character reinforces the stereotype of whatever they are supposed to portray. Not to mention the pre-pubescent humor that occurs within comedies, and how these movies are directed towards men. The plotlines within American movies have no depth at all, my father actually said today that I was looking into the movie too much and that he “only goes to see a movie for the sake of seeing a movie.” Somehow, I don’t think a director would waste millions of dollars producing a film without having some sort of intent behind it, if it weren’t a comedy.

Clearly, the MPAA is trying to make Americans stupider.  They regulate the kinds of movies we are allowed to see in theaters- if a movie does not have a rating from the MPAA, it is not allowed to be shown anywhere in theaters. It can be the most intellectually stimulating stuff you can find, but if it has one too many boobs showing or too many curse words, then it’s kicked out of the arena. You’d be surprised how meaningful a scene like that can be to the overall experience of seeing the movie and taking something from it.* So, instead of seeing a meaningful movie that could, perhaps, change your view on life, the MPAA decides to show you a film that is primarily filled with perverse comments, racial/homophobic slurs, and absolutely immature humor, all in the name of fun, of course.

*I’m not being sarcastic. kthx, Heather, for your suggestion, haha.

Man, it’s time for me to get all emo on you guys.

Quite honestly, things aren’t going great. They’re getting worse than I express. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I wish there was some way to get rid of this physical body of mine so it’d stop crying. So I’d stop feeling like I’m going to cry. But I’m not much of a dualist, or so much so that I’d think that the physical body can, indeed, separate itself from its mental “body” and have its mentality remain functional. But anyways.

I’m trying so hard to keep things together, with everyone, but it’s not working at all. I hate knowing that no matter how much you love someone and how much you care for someone, it does not prevent them from deciding to remove themselves entirely from your life.  There’s virtually no way to know whether this will happen or not with any given person.

I’m so thrown off-guard that I don’t care anymore. I have very little control over the things that happen to me, and even if I came to this realization years ago, I’m too darned stubborn to quit acting to change it. It’s quite heroic, actually.

Decidedly, this is the problem with the existence of other minds. When I was a solipsist, I felt some degree of control and jadedness that somehow made things work. Maybe it’s delusions that really keep people sane.

“The One,” doesn’t exist. It never has to me. Despite that, I was still betting on having him around, or whatever. I can’t give up on someone this great.  I can’t afford to lose contact with someone this wonderful, even if he’s a complete jerk. And now I’m betting the Vegas odds as to whether he cares or not. But then again, he never did. And there’s very little that I can do to change that since he’s so busy. He will never have the time.

I’m overwhelmed with guilt, too. I cannot condescend myself to make her feel better by lying. I cannot condescend to go along with her absolute lunacy. I am too stubborn to stick with this whole rationality thing in opposition to getting my act together and becoming a good empath.

The only way I’ve ever been able to deal with my problems is quite the unhealthy one, but that’s all I really have left right now.

You see, everything’s gone wrong.

… Open promise on display, disconnected family, without this, would there be reason to celebrate?

I guess you did something weird that turned me off incredibly. I think I just got over something.  Maybe.

So, can one honestly judge another person’s actions and receive an accurate assumption? The way I see it- the way a person acts is completely circumstantial, therefore, their actions should not be regarded as some sort of Freudian phenomenon. People’s actions aren’t really thought out, necessarily, especially when it’s during a verbal conversation.

… Decidedly, the argument I had with myself was becoming very psychodynamic, so I stopped myself, kthx.

I talked to this girl named Mallorie from my AP Psychology class. She’s relatively antisocial until you talk to her. I got into a pretty great conversation with her about religion, somehow. She completely ranted on me. This senior who hardly speaks at all was throwing out biblical allusions, curse words, and like’s all over the place. But anyways-  this is the first time in a long time that I’ve spoken to someone about religion without getting angry at their arguments. Except, most of the things she said were really typical of Christians to say. But she said, “I love God, I love Jesus, mostly because I know that Jesus loves me back.” and it didn’t make me cringe. That’s a start.

… Not to mention, she’s really hot.

There’s this girl who has science with me. She’s an absolute bimbo, and she flaunts that fact. Nobody respects her. You could say anything to her, and she could say anything to you, and that exchange would be absolutely transparent.

I listened to my old CDs from sixth, seventh, and eighth grade this morning. Man, the nostalgia was so thick, you could’ve commercialized it. I haven’t listened to Taking Back Sunday in years and all I could say was… Wow. I felt so much emotion listening to it again, seeing as all of those painful memories came back. So much scene, man. Oh, and the Simple Plan, too. That was just bizarre, seeing as I haven’t thought about elementary school since I went there. Four years ago.

And even though I’m not as cool as Han, I still want to be your man. Princess Leia, where are you tonight?

- Gosh, Blink was so great.

… I’m so freaking young and my intellect does not match my age at all. Jeebus, why can’t I just graduate today and talk to people that are actually smart?

Oh, god. You lied. You’re not always around when I need you. I’m slowly dying on the inside, yeah.

Solitude’s a reason to die

Man, I hate folded potato chips.

Even if my friends love me enough to stand up for me, they went a bit far. Basically, they told this guy to leave me alone because of his overwhelming crush on me. I had no clue they’d do this to him- oh, imagine the embarrassment. That was something I had not planned on. Even if he was annoying me, there’s no reason to hurt his feelings.

Aw, but anyways. I talked to Mary and Shelley for the first time in weeks–it’s a start. I still feel very lonely.

Extremely exhausted. I can’t wait until Thursday comes, so I won’t be so stressed out. There’s so much going on right now. ;lsjf;lksjdflksjdflkjsdf But yes, I am very stressed out and I feel like my brain is going to explode. I haven’t eaten in days, and my sleeping habits are pretty askew, as well.

Dear you:

Gosh, why can’t you be logical for once in your life?! Detect this exasperation of mine to realize how foolish you are being right now. He’s not important. He’s treating you terribly and you still want him back. There’s nothing you can do, so stop thinking about it.

I’m the most insensitive person on this planet but that’s something I won’t do for you–sugarcoat things so you feel like you’re right. You’re not. He’s acting normally. This isn’t an affair to remember. Even if he were acting strangely, that shouldn’t matter because you guys aren’t dating anymore. You have no claim over him.

My thoughts send me on a carousel

I talk to you every now and then, I’ve never felt so alone again.

I knitted up three hats today. Wow. My fingers really hurt.
… But in the process of doing so, I managed to watch Forrest Gump in its entirety. My opportunity to prove how manly I am has come and gone, and indeed, I passed. Even if I’m a girl. But yeah, I didn’t cry at the end, which is some kind of indication of my masculinity. I did laugh a bit, though. It was so stupid, but so stupid that it was funny. But at some parts, I would laugh, and question as to whether they were being serious or if they wanted me to find it funny. I guess I will never know.

John Dewey is such a great writer. Oh, I should post some of the stuff he writes. Every sentence in this book is worthy of being quoted. A good quarter of the vocabulary that he uses I am unfamiliar with- which I absolutely love. Not to mention his absolute smackdown of religion, which only accentuated my love for this man even more.

I just thought that was cute. Via FFFFOUND!

And I just felt a bit nostalgic, bite me.

Winter break is coming up. We have half a week of school. I have a ton of homework to do, but I’m too set on getting these winter solstice presents done to even begin thinking about getting a headstart on all the homework. But whatever, I’ll have something like two weeks to get it done, I’ll be fine.

I found a goldmine of cover songs, man. Loooooove. Although it mostly consists of The Cure, I found some fairly decent FOB covers. Yar.

Gosh, I have become so much of a hipster within the past couple of years, haha.

I’m experimenting with polymer clay at the moment, kthx. It’s loads of fun, but only after you condition it. But the process of conditioning is pretty annoying and interminable.

I have so much stuff to get done, gosh. Thankfully, I got a head start on these winter solstice presents, but still- I have tons to do.

You can’t say that we’re just friends, then walk away

… “Jen, no, don’t be scared, no, don’t be shy. We used to do this all the time, you know it.”

Riza and I went to the mall today. There was a power surge so the mall was without electricity for the first half hour we were there. I bought a twenty dollar sweater at Pac Sun. Don’t ask why. I was there to buy winter solstice presents, but the journey was fruitless.