Nothing but tactfulness and peace

… “So read up, turn off the tally, and say you do, say you love us like I know you will and that our deaths won’t be in vain or in the name.”

Doood. No school today either. I was positive we’d go to school today. Positive! Awesome.
… But I have homework, again. I can’t help but look at their stupid webpages, so I won’t have to deal with the whole absent work stuff. It confuses me. I don’t even bother knowing it. So if that means I’m screwed in the end, so be it.

I made a cassette tape necklace yesterday to go with my outfit.. I’ve had plenty of time to think of what I’m going to wear. Four days of staring at the plastic screen.

The air feels so dry, oh god. I’m dying over here, just thinking of how dry the air feels right now. It really sucks.

And I still feel guilty about that stupid penicillin project. Really. I’m thinking of just doing it all today so I can spend all of my energy on my essay, because my essays suck when I have other big things to do.

So, this is just for the record:
[Any given number] bands/records I want to check out:
1. Kay Kay and the Weathered Underground.
2. +44… Despite the fact that they are extremely mainstream, but I love Mark to death, and I’ve been hearing some pretty good stuff about their new record.
3. The Devil and God Raging Inside Me. I’m not sure though- there are mixed opinions of this one. It’s supposed to be very far off of YFW, but somewhat different from Deja Entendu.
4. Anti-Flag. I saw their newest video on Fuse, and I love it to death. “People spend millions of dollars trying to make YOU feel worthless.” That quote really made me think. I really love that video, and I love this band [As in, the people in the band. Incredible.], I just haven’t spent the time to listen to them. They are very charitable, and educated. They are so fascinating to learn about, really. These guys are awesome.

Okay, rant time.
It is very hard to enjoy blink’s music anymore, knowing how they feel about each other. I don’t even bother with AVA, because I think Tom is an idiot. I love Mark to death, and Travis is awesome, but I’m not sure how I’m going to take +44. I’ve been so used to the idea of blink being gone, but Mark and Travis feel more like blink than Tom does, if that makes sense. I rememeber last year, I kept thinking, “Oh, I can’t wait until blink gets back together so they can make a new record!”.
… Well, that is not going to happen at all, and I can’t help but feel slightly nostalgic when it comes to thinking about +44, and how it’ll be like blink. I heard a little bit of their new single, and it was very poppy, very much like blink.

Really- even though it is nice finally knowing why they broke up, it does bring closure, but I have very mixed feelings right now about +44. I’ll write more about this later when I’ve actually listened to it, I’ll have a more educated opinion.

I guess that’s one reason why I’ve stayed away from +44 this long. I mean, their record came out a few weeks ago. I have a mental block against AVA, despite the fact that I actually did [... Kind of..] like their single.

… And I actually like Panic!. I will deny that if anybody ever, ever holds that against me, and even though I’m writing it, I will make you forget this. I do not listen to them at all anymore, though. Ever since they went mainstream, I have a mental block against them.
But, anyways- the other day, one of their songs popped into my head. And I could replay it in my head over and over. And for the life of me- it was so hard to enjoy it.
Oh, god. Of course, as I wrote this, I decided to turn it on and try to listen to it. I’m sorry - before, it had this flair, it gave me this orange feeling my arms [of course, synesthesia], but it feels very empty. There’s nothing. No significance. No catchy flare that it had before.
“Don’t do this to yourself, Amanda.”

It feels very generic to listen to. Yet, I listened to these before so much- I know these still by heart. But this is the epitome of bubble gum pop. Just like CIWWAF. It’s something to listen to if you don’t want to be blown away. If you don’t look for significance, or passion. I’m not saying this out of spite, I feel very remorseful, actually. To think that I once loved this generic pop.

XD Yes, I really care about this stuff. I invest my time in this kind of stuff.

Scene makes me wish…

… That I was born deaf.

So, it stopped snowing but I am home. That makes you assume that I didn’t go to school, and that assumption is very correct. This makes up for the day that I could have stayed home, but went to school, all for the sake of a boy.

I am totally done knitting my sweater AND the doubleknitting! So, what do I have to do now? Wet block it. I’ve never blocked anything before so I’m scared to death that I’ll ruin my sweater. Because I am absolutely in love with my sweater, and I couldn’t be happier with it.

I am currently wearing two sweatshirts at the same time. Yes, two sweaters. Yes, it is very bulky, but considering that it’s twenty three degrees; it is really worth it.

I should continue reading 1984. I really like this book, but it’s one of those books that you have to read continually; like, all in one session. I cannot do that, so I just have to review it quite a bit before I start reading it.

I’m going to buy some stuff from office depot because of the free shipping offer they have going [I think], and I am crafting alot now with office supplies. No, I’m not making bracelets out of paperclips.

NOY is so awesome. I am currently in love with.. Heaven Runs On Oil. It’s really good. And poppy. And somewhat dance-y, which is something I particularly like. Get that image out of your head.

I am quite amazed that the CKSD decided to just do a two hour delay for today. I mean really- look outside- the world is so white. [The KKK would love this.] I wonder how many people were absent today. I doubt that Karen was, because she hasn’t emailed me back, and knowing her, she’d be online all day if she stayed home.

There are these people in the neighborhood behind us that are just standing around their car. I highly doubt that the homeless people have invaded the neighborhood behind me in some weird kind of masochism.. So I think this dude’s car broke. Haha!
/obnoxious-ness

I am trying to find something to indulge myself with. As in- I’m trying to find something to do around here workwise. And yet I cannot think of anything to do! I need to buy some new yarn so I can’t start on another project because I don’t want to work with that blue yarn again… The blue yarn is really starting to annoy me when I look at it from the skein. I have two kinds of mohair yarn but I want to use that for a special occasion, and I don’t really want to use that for a hat. I have plenty of WIPs, but I do not feel like working on them because I’ve either ran out of yarn or the project is now dead to me. Amazing.

I ended up scavenging around my room for anything that I can craft with. Then I went to the garage and looked through the bin labeled “beads”, despite the fact that it holds anything but. I ended up finding 1654984321654 birthday cards that Riza gave me, a picture from girl scouts, two pop-up Arthur books [that I found in the garage. I looked through it, and I tried to see if any of my syn colors matched the colors in the book.. No luck. So, I'm actually crazy- I'm not just remembering things from when I was into Barney.], plenty of jewelry scraps, and a seam ripper.

I cleaned my bottle caps and most of my pop can tabs, so I need to figure out what I’m going to do with that.

My room’s getting really boring. The way my room is arranged is the only way that I feel comfortable in, yet I still want change. Maybe I can make one of those beer can room dividers. If only I needed a room divider.

Wait, I’m a professional in feigning love.

… “I’m not that kind of man, but I’ll make an exception for you.. Don’t stall in the stall. “

Absolutely, no school today. Really awesome. Except for the fact that:
1. The snow is extraordinarily hard.
2. The sun is out. So we have school tomorrow.
3. It’s cold.
4. I keep thinking about California and how.. “It feels like summer all the time.”

Except for the fact that:
1. If it didn’t snow, I never would have seen Calvin try [and succeed]in eating the snow off the patio.
2. If it didn’t snow, Shelby wouldn’t have walked around with slight amnesia.. She’d step on some snow, realize it’s cold, and prance off. Then she’d step on another patch of snow thereafter, and realize it’s cold and prance off. Then she’d…
3. Tonton posted some Midtown b-sides. He is an avid Midtown fan, as I’ve read, and he decided to post all the b-sides he has. Pretty awesome. So I get to listen to some Midtown b-sides =D
4. Heh, dude, no school. XD

I am pretty much done with my sweater. But [gosh, there's always a "but" when it comes to this darned sweater!], I have to sew on the buttons and doubleknit whatever I want to, and I’m good to go.. Almost. I have plenty of split stitches. Oh, that really grinds my gears. I need to figure something out. And despite all my efforts, I can’t just maneuver the other stitches around the ruined one.. But I will not, I repeat, will not frog it back. No freaking way.

But yeah, I’m planning ahead, and I realize that I really need a hat. And I really need to buy some yarn so I can start my holiday knits. I just came to the brilliant realization that I can totally knit more than one scarf at the same time, just like knitting two sleeves at the same time, so that’s pretty darned awesome. I just need to get some yarn, because holiday knitting does not qualify as a stashbuster, and even if it kind of does, my stash yarns really suck. That’s why they’ve been in there forever.

Why is it, that everytime you use a search engine including the words “how to”, it always redirects you here? And it does not relate at all to my search? Like this?

She changes your mind..

… “When you see the joy in her eyes, it makes you feel.”

Today, I certainly woke up with a bright smile on my face when I looked outside and the sky was falling. No, really- it was snowing.

I watched it for a while, and I thought of calling Allie right away, but it was eight thirty, and I wasn’t sure as to when she’d get home [either last night or tonight], so I waited it out. And then the power went out. Uh huh. Great. All I know is that me and her need to talk, she’s missed out on so much, and I’d love to hear about her trip.

Dad and Andy are at George’s house because they really need their football. Last year, when the power went out, they went to Sears [yup.], and watched football on their televisions.

Last year when it snowed- it was the first day Allie came back from Hawaii- and we had a two hour delay. Sadly- it’s been raining. So the snow is pretty much gone. But I went along with my tradition and the first thing I did when I woke up:
I went outside and got some snow and stuck it in a tupperware container, and stuck that in the freezer =D

And, when it snowed last year, it was the first time I had ever talked to Jimmy, like a real conversation. I never would’ve thought that we would later, continue to have a real friendship. Too bad he turned out to be a huge idiot after he got some.

I finally got around to finishing up my penicillin project. I do not feel relieved. I do not feel accomplished. I simply I feel like I wasted my life. Wasting my life.

I am barely finished with my sweater- all I have to do is knit the button placket and I’m good to go.. But I’m going to go the extra mile and doubleknit some stars in.. It’ll be so awesome.

… And I still question myself on this whole atheism thing. I cannot help but feel biased in this area. I continually try to prove myself wrong and that there is a god. Christianity is the most common faith around. Someone must have done something right. But I keep proving myself right. I try to be as logical as I can, but I still end up right.

Oddly enough, I don’t believe in anything supernatural anymore, or that we get some kind of ‘outside’ help. Are we that egotistical to think that there is this “all-powerful being” really cares about our downfalls and our hopes?
I no longer believe in luck. Or magic, or even.. *gasp* Heaven. I doubt even the thought of soul mates. But I’m still thinking about that.

I’ve become more realistic this year. Which is really good. I needed that.
Seventh grade was the year of social drama. Eighth was of “people close to me” drama. This year, is a more personal drama, of my beliefs.

Well, there you go.

I won’t always love these selfish things..

… “Amazing, though it seems, I’ll be 23… Don’t give away the end,
The one thing that stays mine.”

Today, Dad and I went to the mall to get me a sweater. I got one. That costed fifty dollars. I never thought that I’d say that I own a fifty dollar sweater.

We went into buckle, and I swear to god.. Why does every other thirteen year old have to sound like that?! They laugh. At everything. No, it doesn’t make you look friendly, just stupid.
… I guess I did not grow out of my bad mood yesterday.

I am finally working on that sweater, actively. I picked up the sleeve stitches and I am actually working on DPNs. DPNs look so weird.. Honestly- it looks like you can attack someone with those things. But it’s pretty awesome, just going round and round, working in knit stitch. I finally figured out an easier way to purl. I usually go in through the back, but I figured out to do it through the front =D
/knitspeak

So, yeah. That penicillin project is still getting me angry, but really, I burned all my energy off yesterday. So, my stubborn-ness and will power has finally gone away and now I can truly get down to the knitty gritty of penicillin. *rolleyes*.

I can numb my frustration with the fact that I have one more day to relax. I don’t have to go to school right away. In other words, I can procrastinate just a little bit longer.

And because I can procrastinate, why not do so in the midst of a new project? Still figuring it out, but I’m thinking.. I totally need to put those bottle caps to use. Suh-weettt.

Blah.

In all honesty- today absolutely sucked. I’m hurting all over- everything’s pissing me off. This penicillin project is stupid and I’m stuck with it. I get to wake up again tomorrow and deal with this and chores. My project sucks because I hate it, I’m sticking in a bunch of crap- I just want to get this freaking thing done because I:
1. Hate penicillin.
2. I can’t even answer all the freaking questions
3. Who the ____ even gets addicted to penicillin? I’d love to meet the idiot who gets addicted to that stuff.
4. Penicillin is a freaking antibiotic- it’s so old and stupid that some bacteria is even immune to it. So it’s like hardly used. This is stupid.

Oooohhh… You do not want to be near me right now, but I’m sort of making you be near me by making you read this. The world needs to feel my pain! XD

Black Friday was also pretty stupid. We waited in line forever because this was the day that I ran out of shampoo and conditioner and I need it. I told you I’m going crazy.

At least I got the spin magazine in the mail. Actually- I don’t really care or anticipate for this magazine. It is very very mainstream and very very stupid and a huge waste of my time but I’m trying to bring some kind of optimistic light to this entry even though I am not optimistic at all. I want to rip something apart, like with my bare hands, I’m that angry.

I read 1984 today but since I read it in the car, Andy was being loud and I was stuck on page ten for most of the way to McChord.

When we got to McChord I could not find a sweater even though that was the hugest reason why I was there. There were no shopping carts so we had to carry our stuff throughout the store. Not to mention my cramps, my headache, and my huge desire to punch somebody.

Menstruation sucks. >:O

Ever since I was young..

… “Your word was the word that always won.” Sure, this is my darned third entry but I cannot say that this household is that exciting. The tree is about to go up. I made thanksgiving dinner for my family today. Four freaking hours slaving away at the stove, only for my mother to tell me what I have to do, what I’ve done wrong, and how I make her feel bad. Amazing. The first thing that happens- my mother tells me that I have to do something. That I did something wrong. I am never good enough. Never. I don’t get a thank you, I don’t even get a , “that was nice for you to do”, no, I get a freaking “You messed this up, you messed that up, you should have done this, you need to put this in the oven, what happened to this? What the heck did you do here?!”. And she tells me that I should inform her more about my life. I can’t even joke around with her because she thinks I’m being serious. I talk to her, gosh darn it, I talk to her alot. She doesn’t see that. I actively look for things during the day for me to tell her about later, so she won’t tell me this. Again. And she tells me I take things the wrong way. I’m sorry, but the one morning that I wake up and you don’t even tell me good morning- the first thing you do is yell at me telling me to clean the kitchen because I couldn’t do it the day before because I was doing a project; wouldn’t that piss you off?! No matter how hard I try- I am constantly reminded of my flaws. And yet I keep trying. No, never again, I swear.

It’s Christmas time, again

… “It’s time to be nice to the people you can’t stand, all year, I’m growing tired of all this christmas cheer, you people scare me, please stay away from my home..”

I’ll definitely use that one again.
IT’S SNOWING! Huge freaking flakes coming from the sky, dude!

… And it alternates between rain and snow.

SO IT DOES NOT STICK! What kind of a shaft deal is this?!!

Hmm… I want to take a picture, but the batteries are kind of.. dead =(

Is this how a toy feels when it’s batteries run dry?

…”I’m what you wore, but forgot to wash.”

Of course, you’re half a world away at times like these.

It’s thanksgiving. Ironic- the pilgrims actually did this whole thankgiving thing for three days, at the end of september and the beginning of october. Thankgiving wasn’t even a big holiday until this lady wrote letters for like forty years until she died. I told you- ironic.

I’m getting so many free shipping offers.. I love shopping. That’s such an odd thing to say- makes me sound like such a valleygirl, but in all honesty- shopping is awesome. I would actually do the whole Black Friday thing if someone wanted to go/take me. But mom and dad hate the crowds as well as any other sane fourteen year old, so I’m not going.

I got two flyers from Joann’s, and then I got another e-mail from joanns, giving me “Free shipping on no minimum purchase”, which are, indeed, the most wonderful combination of six words I could ever think of when it comes to this.

… And the holidays are coming around. Or has already come around. I don’t consider thanksgiving as part of the holidays- I consider the heart of the holidays christmas. I need to get presents for my friends. I need to buy more yarn. Scarves are somewhat ‘in’ right now, everyone likes them, and they are, essentially, worked in garter stitch. But, I’ll put in the extra effort and make them in stockinette. And since I got all these handy dandy coupon codes- buying yarn is not much of a problem. [Except, when you actually get around to buying the yarn! Yarn is surprisingly expensive for a cheapskate like me. I refuse to pay any more than two or three dollars a skein for those things. Nooooo waayyy am I paying five bucks a skein- these people are crazy.]

I haven’t gone shopping in months, I have plenty of money.

My little brother has taken up the duty of cleaning the kitchen everyday for an extra ten dollars. He’s going to hate cleaning it everyday- I guarantee this to you. If he can’t even clean the bathroom right, then he definitely can’t clean the kitchen every day. I still clean it on the weekends.

And that means that he has more chores than I do. But really- that has nothing to do with my workload. It was his choice to take up this responsibility [dad asked me if I could do it too, but I said no, because I really don't have the time during the week, and the time that I do have, I don't want to waste getting all soapy and dirty, ironically, at the same time.]

Traditionally, we are putting up the Christmas tree today after dinner. That really puts me in the holiday mood.

Anyways, you guys have an awesome Thanksgiving, and an awesome four day weekend! =D

Maybe I’d impress her, by being in a band

… “Sometimes I’d sit at home and wonder if she’s sitting at home thinking of me, and wondering if I’m sitting at home, thinking about her, or am I just wasting my time?”

Errr..
So, before school, I finally got another AR book to read. I’ve been slacking off way too much here, and I know I’m going to regret this later. I really just want to get this off my plate.

I had a quiz today in math, I wouldn’t say it was that bad.

I try too hard to impress him, to not act like I’m trying to impress him. It’s getting so much more obvious now that he made it more obvious. Oh, god, this is the most awkward situation.

I haven’t really been thinking of anything, besides the fact that he told me he’s going to get me something for Christmas. He looked really serious, but I don’t want to anticipate anything. We’re not even.. Oh god.

Yesterday Dad rented the office, season two, disk two. I watched it ever since I got home from Riza’s house. It was really, the most perfect way to spend an afternoon- just me, and The Office.

I went over to Riza’s house yesterday after school because mom had to do this diversity thing or whatever. We had so much fun! Despite the fact that we all got really wet on the way there [my hair was actually dripping, it was that wet, I had to ask for a towel. And I was wearing the sweater that I'm afraid to actually get wet because it's all fuzzy. But, that sweater survived! XD], and we forgot about her sister. But it really makes for a good story to tell later.
I introduced Riza to the awesome show called The Soup. The most awesome show ever, I swear.

Oh, and she introduced me to Charlie the Unicorn! I ended up quoting it all day long, even though I only saw it once XD
Especially.. Shun the non-believer! lol’d.

I do not have much homework, but I really want to use this break to my advantage. I know that next week is going to be very stressful, and the week thereafter, but I’m hoping that getting as much work done as I can over this break, will help.

It’s ironic- the time when I don’t have much homework, I end up being stressed. At least when I have tons of homework, I can just drown myself in it, but when I don’t really have alot to do, it gives me plenty of time to think about other things in my life.

But yes, the ‘week’, is finally over. Completely over. That fact really gives me closure, and closure is really nice at this point. [I told you that I have new time to think about things.]

I’ve been in such a haze, lately. And I feel like I should do a top ten list, or however far I get:
Top ten songs for Amanda to listen to when she’s slightly infatuated:
1. The Days Go By Oh So Slow / My Name’s Trouble - Nightmare Of You
2. MFEO Part one and two - Jack’s Mannequin
3. Nightingale - Saves The Day
4. Guernica - Brand New
5. Sudden Death In Carolina - Brand New
6. There Cannot Be A Close Second - Copeland
7. She Changes Your Mind - Copeland
8. Polaris - Jimmy Eat World
9. Letters To Noelle - Something Corporate
10. Lasting Impressions - The Starting Line

“I’d penetrate your blood cells and take out everything that makes you hurt, but I’m too weak to be your cure.”
“Remember when you were really young, did you ever think you’d be so blessed?”

Since I’ve been thinking so much lately…
I am really blessed. I don’t know if that’s the right word. It feels right. But it feels somewhat religious. I guess I’m just lucky.

I mean honestly- I have so many flaws, and the whole world just seems to see my good side. I have all these friends [and all these boys that like me], and they all love me, almost unconditionally. I point out my flaws. I’m not that great. And everyone tells me they love me.

I’m so egotistical. But isn’t everyone, to some extent?

Oh.. I’ve been thinking so much lately, and I’m trying to get it all down.

Anyone can make anything look good or bad. No matter what you do, there’s someone out there to criticize it or rephrase it affectionately. There’s bias in everything.

People really don’t care. I’ll clarify that - when a friend of yours has a break out- do you really notice? At lunch, Brandon complimented me on my clear skin [yeah..], and I was like, do you really mean that? And he said yes. And I said that he always has clear skin. And he denied it. So honestly- nobody really cares if you break out or not. Or at least notices.

Oh, god.. I am so infatuated.

We can go so far, see other places..

… “And other people, I don’t know about. So breathe in deep, let it out slow, and then you’ll see, you’re all alone again.”

Four five six periods today = amazingly dull. Mostly because I only saw him once, and talked to him for that much.

I really like math class. Because Laurie and Lorren have our little girl group. It’s awesome. We have so much fun in that class!

At least we get out at 10:30. I have tons of time to do absolutely nothing. It feels like those days when I have an orthodontist appointment in the morning, because I get to stay home XD

Haha! If you don’t get it, the guy was trying to purchase The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me, the new Brand New Record. Now go check that link again XD

Err.. All in all, not a bad day, I’d just say it was boring. We had a sub in fourth, and we took notes the whole time. We have a new thing to do- pick an animal that the native americans carved on totem poles that closely resemble you. Seriously- do you want me to put eyeliner on that freaking salmon carving and call it a day?! One of the stupidest assignments I’ve ever had.

The world depresses me.

I can’t do a thing but wait..

“P.S. Dates will be popping up soon for our February “West Coast Winter Tour”. We’ll be playing a lot of the major markets that we had to skip on the “Tour for the Cure” and I really think you are going to like some of the things we have up our sleeves. Production is going to be bigger than ever and I am really thrilled about the opening acts that are joining us. Keep your eyes pealed, as dates will be up and on-sale over the next month or so. Thanks again.”

YES!
You have no idea how long I have wanted Jack’s to come to Seattle. Or somewhere at least close to here. Because, it’s in the west coast =D

We have finally given in, and bought the Wii. Dad and Andy went to get it at eight this morning, because they were giving out tickets for people so they’d be guaranteed to get one. And we have one. I didn’t even know what it was. There’s all these new video game consoles coming out, so I really don’t care.

First thing in the morning, dude- mom wakes me up,yelling at me to clean the kitchen. I’m sorry, but she doesn’t clean it in the first place, that’s the biggest reason why there are a bajillion dishes.

I’m going over to Riza’s house on Wednesday! I get to ride the bus and everything. Sweet. I haven’t gone over to her house in a while. But this is going to be awesome, even though I’d be there for just a little while.

Tomorrow is four five six periods, so I get to start out my day with WA state history. And guess who’s subbing? Yup! Woodford!

Then I go to math, where I really couldn’t care less. I’m only taking the class because it looks good. I swear to god- so pointless.

Then science, which is the only class I really look forward to. We’d probably do something boring, because that is just my luck.

.. But I don’t get to start out my day with a conversation with him, no. We’ll probably not talk at all tomorrow. Which is sad, considering the fact that I’ve been looking forward to our conversations. Well, that’s pretty sad, too.

The first star I see..

… “May not be, a star.. Can you still feel the butterflies? Can you still hear the last goodnight? Close your eyes and believe wherever you are, an angel for me.”

When you are tired on a Saturday, honestly, you really know something’s wrong.

I woke up this morning and started homework. Again. I finished a project that is due on Tuesday, but I still have another one that I’m supposed to be “mostly done by the end of the three day weekend”. Freaking ridiculous. For the same class too.
But besides that, there’s really nothing else. I just really hate projects.

Err.
I’ve been feeling incredibly crafty lately, and yet I have no clue as to what I should make. Which is the stupidest feeling in the world, I tell you.

Everyone’s been so sad lately. I want to make everyone happy. Even though it is wrong to assume such a position, I’d still like to. I’m thinking of making something for some of my friends. Everyone likes surprises. Surprises make people happy. If only I could think of something.

“… And she says to herself just to get through it, “If I don’t let myself be happy then when? If not now, when?”
… Even though I want to make other people happy. I’m not happy. Ironic. At least not right now.

Edit:

I am pretty bored. So I guess I’ll write more.

This morning [before I did homework], I watched twenty twenty, it was about peeping toms. Jesus. It’s amazing how dirty people are. There was this story about this woman and her daughter whose neighbor stuck a camera in a tree so he could watch her. They were also talking about people who look up other people’s skirts. I couldn’t imagine that happening to me. It really makes me doubt people.

… Gosh. The people at twenty twenty actively work to make you scared. And the people at Dateline.

You said love goes anywhere..

…”At your darkest time, it’s just enough to know it’s there. When you go away, you’ll see. “

Err. I have tons of homework. I got home at ten thirty and started my homework. We are analyzing the declaration of independence. Again. This was only in the midst of analyzing two other documents, and I guarantee you- an essay is coming up comparing all three.

First today was not that great. It’s been pretty interesting though since we’ve been having in class discussions about women’s rights since that’s what the documents have been about mostly. Aannd.. We talk in that class. Me and him. I feel so exclusive in that class. It’s cool to talk to him when we have the chance. I get a little treat by talking to him every such and such minutes. Ugh.. Sooo angsty.

Spanish was… Not the best. But certainly not as boring as it has been. I sat with Laurie, so I’m not stuck with the idiots I have to sit by. Okay, they aren’t all idiots, but some of the things they say.. I am instantly stupider for hearing it. At least they break the stereotype of just talking about farts and other bodily functions. By talking about their girlfriends. And about the homework they didn’t do, to see if I did it.

Health. Err.. I can’t say that I love this class either. I only look forward to it because he’s there. We went to the library and we researched for our project. I found out that they inject penicilin into livestock to make them more profitable. Basically, they plump the chickens up to produce more meat, etc.
But that’s as interesting as it gets. Learning about mold is just about as interesting as watching it grow.

… And I actually have been that bored in math, now that I think about it. There’s water stains on the ceiling, but it’s starting to turn green. Isn’t mold kind of toxic? Eww.

Since he’s around in math, he listens to what I say. It’s a weird kind of exclusivity, but what can I say, I talk about stupid things but he still finds it somewhat funny. And the other day I couldn’t figure out what twenty six divided by six was, and I threw my question into the air, and he came up with the answer. Sure, it makes me lazier, but it gives me the energy back that I lose from spending it on him in the first place. So it really does work out.

I woke up at two last night, fell back asleep around three or four. I got up, drank some water, peed, tried to fall asleep, had to use the restroom once more.. It was this really depressing cycle.

The Office came on and… Oh my god!
Jim came back.. And I love him so much. But he’s such a jerk. At the end of last season he kissed Pam. And Pam likes him. But at the end of last night’s episode, after Pam anticipated him coming back and after he totally ignored her, he talked to her as she went to her car. And told her that he’s “kind of dating somebody.”. NO! I yelled at the television. Seriously.

“I can run faster than you.”
“No, you can’t!!”
“All right guys, I’ll time Dwight.”

*goes outside. Dwight’s getting prepped for running*
“Okay, on your mark, get set, go!”
*Dwight starts running, Pam starts the stopwatch. Pam is talking to the camera.*

“Should I really be mean to Dwight? He did, after all, suggest the idea of toll machines in the bathrooms to raise money. “
…..
“This isn’t even a real stopwatch. It’s an electronic thermometer.”
*Dwight runs past her*

“Three more laps!”
*To the camera*
“Well, I think I should get working again.”

*Walks back into the building*

There’s so much I’ve felt I should say, but..

..” Even if your heart would listen, I doubt I could explain.”

Twenty minute periods and a five second intruder drill. What a day, I’ll tell you.

I realized that I can procrastinate even more since I don’t have four five or six periods tomorrow. Sweet.

We have this project on drugs in health. We picked our subject out of a box. I got penicilin. Katie gets GHB, Cameron gets Heroin [I think.]. I get penicilin. Amazing. I wanted something interesting! Not a freaking germ killer!! XD

Sadly, that was really the highlight of my day.

Allie’s gone so I walked to class with Anabel. We really don’t seem to have much in common. She called me once over the summer and I swear to god- we had like ten minutes of just really awkward silence. Then she said she had to call other people and we hung up. I’m amazed we keep up conversations now. Just barely.

Cameron brought up the subject of singing in church today in English to me. I avoided the term “Atheist”, but it was strongly implied. I sure hope he gets the message. I hate how I had to carefully choose my words. I don’t normally do that. At least not anymore.

My parent teacher conference is tomorrow. It’s not much of a thing to write about, I’m not that worried.

My GPA is a great 3.767. Byron’s is dramatically lower. I’m talking, below one. Eep. He’s such a cool guy though. We’ve had tiny conversations here and there but he’s really polite. Good first impression.

This whole atheism thing makes more and more sense. A suggestion to “cure” solipsism syndrome is to be convinced that there is something out of your control. To believe in a god is another. So, for a person to stay sane, they have to believe in a god, if I interpreted that right.
And if you interpreted that another way. I’m going crazy. And quite honestly.. Solipsism syndrome is something I’ve been thinking alot about lately. Whether that’s healthy or not.

59350

.. “Because I need this now more than I ever did then. “

I am starting to like Jimmy Eat World more than I did before. Why did I overlook this band for this long?

Aannndd I’m sick. That was almost guaranteed, but gosh! My synesthesia is going wacky- I hate these freaking flashing red and white dots! They’re everywhere!! They’re so tiny but fill up a space entirely. Annoying. But so pretty to look at. But they hurt so much!

Err… So. My friends have come to the consensus that he does like me. I’ve been ignoring it until now, so I won’t get let down. But it’s so pointless. Dating is so stupid at this age. Next year makes a little more sense.

I’m so tired of people kissing. Hugging. Flirting. Going out. Talking about dating. Touching each other. I swear to god! Everybody doesn’t have to touch everybody else all the time! Get control of your god forsaken hormones, people!!

Came home and did homework. I now have homework. We’re going to be doing an essay. Grreaatt.
Wanted to take a nap. Tried. Didn’t work. I hate that.

Report cards came out today. My grades, indeed, went down. It’s not that bad though. I don’t really care right now. Too tired to care. Even though my workload has dramatically reduced- I am still stressed out.

I’ve been questioning my sanity. Alot. Which is undoubtedly- bad. I started thinking about the world, in general. What if this ‘world’ we live in, is completely made up in our minds? Almost like a dream? There’s no true way to prove whether it’s ‘real’ or not. It’s all I’ve really been thinking about lately. And it depresses me.

Thursday = twenty minute periods. I’m not sure if I wrote that down here already. But it’s what I’m looking forward to.

Hmm. I think what I need is a real nice distraction.

I’ve been pretty nostalgic lately. Thinking about how lovely the end of last year was. Oh. How I really wish last year was the same as the present. So, so much.
I am starting to miss him now. That’s not good. He’s an idiot. He moved away. He was my friend. I shouldn’t be like this!

So, now can you see why I’m stressed out despite the reduced workload? It gives me more time to think.

Words always complicate things.

… Because the days go oh-so slow..

..”I could be yours, if you wanted.”

Soooo.
Today I took a test in science. Not that bad, but gosh darn it, I didn’t put some things on my card. At least I got the extra credit.

I wore my new belt today and I impressed some dude that I have affections for. Pretty darned awesome.

I bought a belt online. And some new chapstick. There’s so much free shipping specials going around- makes shopping so much easier!

On Friday we’re having twenty minute periods. Yup. And an intruder alert drill or something. Basically- we will not be doing anything all day long. Suh-weett.

Err..
My friends tell me he likes me too. They’re not just being nice, too. Awkward. Makes me blush. Makes me giggle. So teeny bopper. Ugh.

But yeah. I had no homework today. Made everything so awesome.

Ate some macaroni and cheese today. I haven’t had it in a long time. So it was awesome.

I love Nighmare Of You. It sounds like a scary emo band, but it’s actually very happy, and poppy. I am investing more time in their music. And I like it.

You can’t cure his loneliness..

… Doood:

What American accent do you have? Your Result: Philadelphia   Your accent is as Philadelphian as a cheesesteak! If you’re not from Philadelphia, then you’re from someplace near there like south Jersey, Baltimore, or Wilmington. if you’ve ever journeyed to some far off place where people don’t know that Philly has an accent, someone may have thought you talked a little weird even though they didn’t have a clue what accent it was they heard.
The Midland
The Northeast
The Inland North
The South
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

XD I posted the code, and it took up the whole text box. Depressing. I’m nowhere near those places they suggested. I’ve never even been to those places before. Quizzes = stupid.

We went to McChord today. I haven’t taken pictures of the belt yet, but I’m certainly planning on it. I was all hyped up about my knitting. I’ll try and take pictures of that.

Allie’s leaving on Thursday, the first day of conference week, and of course, I can’t hang out tomorrow. Because dad has his friend over and mom “doesn’t like driving when it’s windy and rainy”. When someone really wants to make an excuse, they really do pull anything out of the hat.

But yup, another windstorm is supposed to happen tomorrow.
That made me sound really selfish and insensitive- but the weatherman is almost always wrong. Seriously. Eighty percent of the time. There you go.

I need change. Or a distraction. Either will work at this point.

I was on a wikipedia rampage- and I looked Solipsism up, it’s so interesting! [Since I've provided the link, you have to click it!]

I have a science test on Monday, which is more than exciting. I have yet to study for it. But it’s not that big of a deal.that big of a deal.

I’m an addict for dramatics..

… ” I confuse the two for love.”

I admit, that song has been stuck in my head forever. It’s one of the only songs I like off that record- Where You Want To Be is so much better.

We’re going to McChord tomorrow. I’m going to try and get some textile medium, so I can finally try my hand at screenprinting [which is, essentially, putting images onto t-shirts. Textile medium is this kind of paint that you mix with acrylic paint [the really cheap, dollar paint. You know that kind.] to turn it into fabric paint, basically.]. I am surprised how easy screenprinting is. I have at least two white shirts that I can use, and a ton of tank tops, too. So, I’m pretty much good to go. Especially since I’ve been wanting to do this stuff for a while.

Today I finally made that darned soda tab belt. It’s really neat looking- I’ll try and post a picture. I’m surprised how easy it was to make.

I’m so happy that I’ve finally made that darned thing. I collected tabs for months and I even got some from my swap partner in August. And I finally made it. I just need to add the D-ring [the thing that closes the belt], and I’ll be done! It’s so adorable, I’m really proud of it.

And I..

… “Will not lie, will not sin- maybe I don’t want to go- can’t you wait?”

Letters To God is a great song. It’s a great song to listen to when you’re real depressed.

Today, Marissa came to visit me [okay, maybe she didn't intend to visit me, she had other things on her agenda], this morning, in the library. I was so surprised, and it was really early- I nearly cried when I saw her! Really! But yeah, it was really cool for her to come in the morning- I knew today was going to be a good day.

Overall, it was okay. He sat by me again today, and we had a nice, candid conversation. It made me feel special- since we sit with our group of friends and he chose me to talk to. Of course, I’m overexaggerating, and this wishful thinking is not working- I could’ve been anyone else.

So, two tests in math today, finishing chapter three and starting the cumulative test. I missed quite a bit on chapter three [she already started grading them], and the cumulative test wasn’t that bad. We’re finishing that on monday, but I finished it- I’m going to check my answers, though.

Not much homework- which is pretty awesome- for this weekend. I have a science test on monday, so I have to study for it- but that’s not bad considering the workload earlier this month.

I want to do something this weekend.

Despite me and Allie’s ‘promise’ to each other a few months ago, saying that we’d hang out every month at least once- we haven’t really kept it. I can’t help but get the feeling that we’re growing apart a bit, since we hardly ever get to talk anymore. Sure, we talk in AIM, but it doesn’t seem to count. We’ve talked on the phone once last month, we used to call each other every weekend.

Now that I think about it, I prefer last year alot more than this year. Even though this year I’m closer to my friends, last year we had more classes together.