I fooled the crowd when I made it sound like I was more than ready.

… “Strike up the band, deprive my sleep, ’cause there’s no love like apathy… Classmates please drop all your pens, don’t write a word ’cause I wont reply and I’m not bitter, no, it’s just I’ve passed that point in my life..”

Geez. We have this new keyboard. And it’s so wonky. I keep messing everything up, and I’m getting so tired of these typos!

… And no matter where I go, I am just cold. I woke up this morning, and because of our beloved hardwood floors.. I certainly woke up from how cold the floors were. Amazing. And then I sat down to pee. If the floor was cold you can only imagine how cold the…

Everyone is getting sick. I swear to god, if I get sick…
But yeah. Alot of people are being absent lately, and alot of people are coughing in class. Needless to say- I’ve beeb holding my breath in just about every class so I do not have to breathe in germs. I’m not being a snob- I’m just avoiding the plague.

Today was a pretty interesting day. I turned my halloween costume [a nudist on strike] into another in a matter of minutes [a fruitpicker in california.. Get it?]. Mary’s so cool, I never really write about her, but I think I ought to.
Mary’s always been very opinionated. She dyed her hair black over the summer, and it fits her very well. She cut it too. By alot. But I’ve gotten used to it, and it really suits her. She used to have blonde hair, and I barely remembered that. But yeah. Mary’s always been around, even that one brief period when she moved away, she was still pretty much, around. She’s the kind of person that I really can’t shy away from. She can be pretty annoying, but so far this year, she’s taken me pretty seriously. I really value her opinion.

Last night I fell asleep on the couch. I had a sleepy spell, so I took advantage of it. It’s really hard to fall asleep when you really try.

Oh, no, is it worth it?

… ” I’m starting up, I’m starting over, .. Tick tock, you’re not a clock, you’re a time bomb, baby, time bomb baby, oh..”

Ironic. I wrote that during the summer after I read a blog, and I said that I didn’t like the Format. Well, now I do, and time bomb has been stuck in my head for the past two days. Way to go.

And for the first time in the history of my life, I decided to forget my USB pen in the freaking computer. You know, I am really that lucky, the one day that I decide to work on the health project, I lose my storing device. Well, someone’s going to die.

But yes, I’ve found a new love for photographs. Specifically- flickr. It’s not that bad, but you know, this is sounding pretty stalkerish. But this one person has the prettiest pictures.

But yeah, went to walmart yesterday after megan’s house and bought the bernat softee chunky. It’s verryyy soft, I love it so much, but I still have the hugest impulse to just buy the debbie bliss cashmerino. Or maybe just tons of the lion brand cashmere blend, because it is sooo soft, I love it so much more than the bernat.

School was such a drag today, but it was nice that he wasn’t there. Because I didn’t fuss over my hair, or my makeup, or the clothes I wore. It was pretty awesome. Even though it was the day she decided to be absent, darn the luck.

I’m thinking of taking on fair isle. But I have committed myself to just one WIP for now, I don’t want to get all overloaded with trying to pick a project to work on. But I’ve decided that I should definitely try my hand at laceknitting, purely because I get really bored if I’m not looking forward to a yarn over, or an increase, or a decrease, or a k2tog, so there.

Christmas is coming, sure it’s in a few months, but october is almost over. And that means thanksgiving is coming up, which means the christmas tree coming up.. Geez.
It’s been two christmas’ that I haven’t bought my friends presents. Now that I’ve taken up knitting, I’m thinking of making a few of my friends some stuff. Not anything big like a sweater or cardigan or anything, but maybe a cute little hat [very quick FO], or a scarf. But this really depends on how much time I have.

Maybe I’m just dumb, but it’s taken me this long to finally figure out what “appreciate” means. It’s saying that you like what someone else did. I used to think of it as, I wanted you to do it and I like that you did, but now I really get what it means.

It really feels like winter, now. It’s finally starting to rain, it’s also become much colder [told you so].

bebes2392 [5:02 P.M.]: dude mrs mygatt is ordering debate uniforms
Aev92 [5:02 P.M.]: hahaha!
bebes2392 [5:02 P.M.]: and we have to wear them on debate days
Aev92 [5:03 P.M.]: hahah!!!
Aev92 [5:03 P.M.]: oh my god!!!
bebes2392 [5:03 P.M.]: i’m going to cry
Aev92 [5:03 P.M.]: I’m crying right now
Aev92 [5:03 P.M.]: I’m laughing so hard!!
Aev92 [5:03 P.M.]: oh my god, dude.
bebes2392 [5:03 P.M.]: nice
Aev92 [5:03 P.M.]: That’s so freaking funny!
bebes2392 [5:03 P.M.]: yep
Aev92 [5:04 P.M.]: I’m sorry, that you have to wear that. I’d love to see how it turns out.
bebes2392 [5:04 P.M.]: atleast it isn’t a mathlete shirt
Aev92 [5:04 P.M.]: Plaid with gold sequins.
bebes2392 [5:04 P.M.]: wah
Aev92 [5:04 P.M.]: XD That’s true
Aev92 [5:04 P.M.]: But it’s pretty darn close. Actually, it’s closer to the BGC.
bebes2392 [5:04 P.M.]: haha

If you don’t know already..
When school started, there were a bajillion signs around the school that had three exclamation points that said “BGC is coming” and three exclamation points thereafter. It was advertised on the intercom too. No matter where you looked, it would be there. Sometime in Octuber, Mr. Worsching decided to let loose what BGC was.
“The Board Game Club will meet after school today. The BGC is coming.”
Well, BGC has definitely lost its flair.

I have walked to the door of death and never felt more alive and I have learned something that is.

“…inherent whether we chose to live knowing it or not. That we are just pieces of this crazy universe, floating through space like every other piece of this crazy universe. You don’t have to push or pull or fight or win, the struggle is illusory. Sometimes or rather, all times, you just have to be. I am doing my best to be and today it occurs to me that in being I have been very lucky.”
Isn’t that so inspirational? Andrew McMahon writes the best stuff.

I can’t wait until conference week.

I had tons of fun at Megan’s this weekend. Karen was there, I ate food. We played flashlight tag. We also played tons of video games, but all in all, it was awesome.

I bought the new Vogue Knitting magazine, it has the coolest things in it, and yet I haven’t read it. I’m trying so hard to finish to kill a mockingbird, and honestly, I have to prioritize between reading my beloved vogueknits magazine, or the teacher-assigned to kill a mocking bird.

I can’t wait until conference week.

She’s breathing quiet and smooth…

… “He’s gasping for air. This is the first and last time he says.”

I’ve survived another week. Sure, I have two projects to work on, two books to finish, and tons of worksheets but hey, it’s the weekend! It’s time to sew!
I’m going to try and make something awesome. I want a new hoodie, so that’s what I’m aiming for. We’ll see what happens.

So adorable.. omg.


Oh, my, god. That is so beautiful- I never imagined a sweater like this in my life, but now that I’ve seen it, I am truly inspired. That is so flattering for my body type.




I’d like it if it were not as see through. You can see the mannequin beneath the dress! Eep!

I’m sleeping over at Megan’s house this weekend. Karen’ll be there too, I’m really looking forward to it. Sans the fact that I really need new, decent looking pajamas. An overlarged t-shirt is not suitable for a sleepover. Plus, I’m bringing house. If Megan loves the Weasley twins, she’ll adore Dr. Chase. =D

He’s gooonnnee. Actually, that wasn’t said in a depressed tone, but you know I’m going to miss somebody. Next week is going to be boring, but it will not be as stressful because I won’t really have to deal with awkward things. It’s nice not feeling awkward.

… And you know, it just gets colder and colder and I don’t even get the excitement of hearing the rain. What the heck, dudes.

So, we’re learning about the temperature of clouds in history, everybody!
I’d love to meet the idiot who was curious about the temperature of clouds. “What are clouds made of?” Sure, that’s good enough. “What’s the temperature of clouds, mommy?” “Uhh.. Paul, what did I give birth to?”

Halloween is coming quick. And you know, I’m thinking of going to Target. No, not to cave into the ridiculous notion of halloween, oh. I’m going to take advantage of the corporate people and buy candy. Big bags of it. Sure, technically, the corporate people win because it’s unhealthy but hey, I save money.

Apparently having a stalker is the ‘it’ thing now?

The subject line was totally random. But it is so true, right? How many boys in the past year have obsessed over me? Little ol’ me? Exactly. Pretty bold statement to say, but I’ve certainly been feeling blunt.

Today was thursday, the day that confuses just about every third person I know. Seriously- what is there to do for half an hour?! Oh, the teachers, they are smart about this. Assign homework after the quiz/test I make you take, because you have an extra two hours after school that I know you’d love spending by simply doing homework!

It’s getting WAY too cold here.
I get the dumbest homework. We’re graphing in history. There you go.

Since today was thursday, he ate lunch with us. He’s so freaking quiet. I hate quiet people. I hate loud people too, but that’s for another post. So, after lunch I talked to him, and he said he’d sit and talk with me next thursday. No, he didn’t say “you guys”, he said “you”. Of course, it will probably not happen. This is a stupid comic-book crush.

But hey, at least I felt a little special for a little while. I’ve been wanting to feel special, you know, somewhat exclusive.

I have a quiz in math tomorrow. I’m pretty happy, and I’m not that stressed about it. This has been so easy.

It’s become routine to have a questionnaire at lunch on thursday. There is nothing to talk about on thursdays, so this is our new routine. I told you that I want to learn more about my friends, and this is my way of doing so. It turns out that Brandon Delgado likes 24, too. I would not have known that if I hadn’t done this questionnaire. So, I can talk to him about 24, and he knows what I’m talking about.

That awful memory of yours..

… “What a blessing, what a curse, after all my confessing, you don’t remember any word we’re saying, from your room I heard my name…”

I love Copeland.

I have had one huge homework day, and two almost no-homework days, which is pretty good, considering last week and the week before.
Today I was at loss for words for most of the day. I could not figure out what to say, and usually my mind does not go blank when I want to say something. I held my breath to start talking in before math, and I had no idea as to what I should say.

He knows I like him. He’s known for a while. That’s so sad, especially since I go through such measures to not flirt with him at all, to not show any interest. And he knows. Come on. And of course, he’s talking to me more often lately. I bet he’s just testing the waters to see how much he knows about this stuff. But, I just don’t know, and I am really tired of wasting energy thinking about this kind of stuff.

I’m looking to buy some Bernat Softee Chunkee yarn. The name is stupid, but I’ve heard some really good things about this yarn, that it is comparable to the Debbie Bliss cashmerino superchunky, so I’m really looking to try this stuff out, especially since this yarn is two or three bucks a pop, while the debbie bliss is twelve dollars..

I’m nicotine. I’m coming clean.

… “I’ve been searching for words, for music, for notes, that I wished that I wrote because I feel like I’ve been losing you. I read your last entry. The over-privileged kids keep prying..”

The Format is so awesome. I really love them now, I wish I checked them out earlier.

Today = very little homework. Thank the gods for me, because this is really awesome. Sure, I have some homework, but I’ll do that tomorrow, you have no idea how much time I have to do things after warm ups. And I’ve used this opportunity every chance that I can.

I thought I looked pretty awful today. I woke up a little late, I just threw an outfit together this morning, and I found out when I got home, that I looked pretty awesome. My cheeks were actually pink.
/shallowness

But yeah. I’m pretty relaxed right now. Which is good. Considering:
1. She does not like him. =D
2. I’m still very hyped up over my eighty seven.
3. He talked to me today.

Even though I’m still tired. I need to take a nap.
Peace out! XD… “I’ve been searching for words, for music, for notes, that I wished that I wrote because I feel like I’ve been losing you. I read your last entry. The over-privileged kids keep prying..”

The Format is so awesome. I really love them now, I wish I checked them out earlier.

Today = very little homework. Thank the gods for me, because this is really awesome. Sure, I have some homework, but I’ll do that tomorrow, you have no idea how much time I have to do things after warm ups. And I’ve used this opportunity every chance that I can.

I thought I looked pretty awful today. I woke up a little late, I just threw an outfit together this morning, and I found out when I got home, that I looked pretty awesome. My cheeks were actually pink.
/shallowness

But yeah. I’m pretty relaxed right now. Which is good. Considering:
1. She does not like him. =D
2. I’m still very hyped up over my eighty seven.
3. He talked to me today.

Even though I’m still tired. I need to take a nap.
Peace out! XD

Say it like you mean it, he spoke with a tone of hurt

… “My eyes roll back, waiting for the end. Say another word, and I’ll sit on the floor, keep talking back to me, you’re not only losing me.. I’ll try to stay awake, when I go, when I go home..”

Whoever said that weekends are for relaxing, are wrong. Okay, I did five to six hours worth of homework this afternoon. Not to mention mom yelling at me to clean the kitchen.

“No freaking way. I dare you to top this costume.”
I lol’d. I seriously lol’d. Imagine someone trick or treating in that. Oh… God.. I nearly cried from laughing.

You know what I’d like to do after high school and before college? Yes, go abroad in London. Best yarns, maybe I can go with Megan, since that is her big dream after all =D

Tomorrow, hopefully, I’ll be able to have some time to myself. It’s almost nine right now.

I woke up at nine this morning, almost ten. I had some time to myself, I watched two episodes of Project Runway [I can't believe Jeffrey won. Ulie or Micheal should have won. Their designs were so much better.], which inspired me to sew something. I’m still thinking about it, but I have this nice jersey fabric that is light blue with some apple-looking things on it. It looks really cute, I just don’t know about the color combo.

It’s cool knowing how different my tastes are now. I guess that little number on my summer to-do list really did take effect. I no longer like Boys Like Girls.. Oh, I really do not like them.

We do the best we can in a small town..

… “Act like big city kids when the sun goes down, if it’s not too late for coffee, I’ll be at your place in ten. We’ll hit that all night diner, then we’ll see. There’s so many things I have to say, I’ll stay up all night to hear about your day…”

I really like Copeland.

I’ve been getting into softer things, lately. I got into The Format, too.

Today was pretty cool.

1. I GOT AN EIGHT SEVEN ON MY MATH TEST!!!!! Oh…. You have no idea how much I wish that I didn’t read my score wrong. We didn’t get our test back, but she let us see it.
2. I went to the pep rally, and went against every little thing I said before. The freshmen won!! It was pretty sweet. But, it’s pretty typical.

Uh..
I never realized how hard it is to convey friendliness to someone that you feel betrayed by. My voice comes off as so fake, trying that wonderful robotic tone. You know, the one that you use when you talk on the phone to people you don’t really know. Like that.

And, he’s starting to lose his luster. He’s so incredibly typical. I like the same type of guys, but this one really goes over the top:
“oh god, I missed one question.”
“It’s not a big deal, dude. It’s just a quiz.”
“NO! It’s not just a quiz!!”
“Wow.”

He seriously meant it too, he wasn’t being pretentious or trying to get attention.

He’s still pretty awesome, but he’s losing that flair.

Today was picture retake day. And you’d be surprised to know what the photographer told me after I asked him what he thought:
“The second one’s all right. The first one was way better.”
Thank you for telling me that, kind sir, I really appreciate how you make me feel like I did not waste ten minutes in line, wasting ten minutes that could have been research time. Thank you, so very much.

Andy’s friend is sleeping over. For the love of god, dude, I swear- if I have to hear another scream, someone is going to seriously mean it.
They’re gone right now, and I can organize my thoughts on here. They’re at home depot with mom and dad since they are “taking care of Zarran for the moment, and they do not want to be irresponsible.”

Everyone is so traditional. And boring.
He told me today that cursing is against his ‘rules’. What ‘rules’, dude? Whatever.

I’m really getting tired of how traditional life is. I’m also tired of hearing these four words:
“It. Is. Not. Acceptable.”
I just hate those words. I have only been told that once or twice, but those words really hurt. I shudder at even thinking about those words, they hurt so much.

Sometimes, I feel like she is pleading for my friendship. She’s left me a comment, telling me that she ‘loves’ me. It’s so hard reading that, and not feeling guilty about how I’ve been thinking about her. She’s hurt me so much, but for the most part, it’s because I am the one thinking about it. And she tells me that. All the time. Out of reassurance, being worried, I don’t know. She knows something’s wrong. She doesn’t know the specifics, but she knows. It’s because of my body language. I rolled my eyes for the first time in a very long time, during this week. I think she saw.

I’m more than delighted that it is the weekend. I thought this weekend was McChord weekend, because I thought two weeks have gone by. It’s not. And it hasn’t.

Two days is just not enough. One day I’m doing chores, the next homework. I do not have hours of free time, which is what is expected during the weekend.

I’m going to sleep in so much tomorrow. I’ve been having the hardest time sleeping. This morning, I decided for myself that I was NOT going to school. If only that really happened.

I’m so tired and stressed out. I’ve been crying for no reason, or some reason, throughout the day. I actually broke down in Spanish yesterday. Not that I’m going to admit it to anybody besides the people who read this. I barely told anybody about it after it happened. It’s so embarassing. Allie was there, and we are not a huggy-touchy friendship, you know, that’s just not how we are. But at least she tried to make me feel better.

A pepsi truck went by at lunch time. Some dude gave me a man-nod. I swear to god- I will never date a man who gives anyone especially me a man-nod. I hate man-nods.

If that’s true, then tell me how it got this way.

I can’t stand being around her now. It’s amazing that we hung out for a whole day a few weeks ago, and now I can’t stand hearing her voice for more than three seconds. She doesn’t know that. He doesn’t even want her. I’m the outsider here, looking in. And anybody could tell you that he is more annoyed than flattered.
I’m trying to be as mature as I can be about this. I hardly talk to him. He’s the one who talks to me. I don’t flirt, I don’t check up on him, or anything. I am being as mature as I can. And she’s throwing herself, looking like an idiot, and interupting. I have been holding that in for such a long time.

I currently have three projects. That is off the top of my head.

It’s spirit week. As I said before, I have no spirit. Hence, I’m not attending the pep assembly.

To be continued.

Is that what you call a getaway?

… “Tell me what you got away with. I’ve seen more spine on a jellyfish. I’ve seen more guts in eleven year old kids. Take a drink and drive yourself home, I hope there’s ice on all the roads and you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt, and again when your head gets through the windshield.” - Brand New

I felt the need to give credit here- that’s a bit mean to write down! But, seventy times seven is a song I’ve been listening to alot lately.

So. I started my homework at two fifteen yesterday, and I finished it at eight thirty.

It’s spirit week. I don’t care about it enough to dress up as a superhero. Or a disney character. Heck, it could be trix the rabbit day and I wouldn’t care. It’s amazing how stupid the ideas for spirit day are. It does not boost any spirit for me. It doesn’t even look like an opportunity to do anything. It looks so pointless.
Tomorrow’s the pep assembly. Consider the last paragraph, and think of where I’m going *study hall*.

It’s time for you to choose, the bullet or the chapstick

“Please die. I hate you. I would rather listen to fall out boy than to talk to you. I would rather stay in a room with an overly obese man who just ate a pound of beans than smell your scent.”

That made me smile. Especially the third sentence. =D

Today was pretty awesome. Believe it or not, if you tell yourself constantly that today is going to be a good day, it actually works. Until you go to math, get handed your quiz that informs you of a sixty, and you are excited until you realize the new grading scale brought your C to a D-.
But, at least I know my friends care about me. At least Lorren does. All Laurie could do is tell me that I have to get help from Quick, even though she said that “Most people in here who got Ds very well could have been scored a B if they had not have made dumb mistakes.” She actually said that in a nicer way, I had to paraphase it, but it did make me feel alot better. I even felt complimented.

Besides that, today went pretty well. First period was awesome, second period was okay. Third period was okay. Fourth was okay. Fifth was *insert curse word here. Preferably the F-bomb; with a word with two t’s in it.*. Sixth was a little bit more than okay. I laughed so hard I nearly peed.
But, today was one of those weird days where I’m happy for no good reason. I almost woke up late. I ate apple streusel for breakfast and lunch. I also realized that I am the worst at hiding how uncomfortable I may be when she walks in. It’s so hard keeping the anger/sarcasm out of your voice when they aren’t supposed to know.

I laughed so hard that I felt that rare level of white with a hidden fuschia on the right. I think that’s emotion->syn. But I hardly ever feel that level of happiness. Ever. I don’t know if people noticed it, since I was so blinded by my syn. I probably looked crazy. Or high. Simply because it was over the dumbest thing.

.. “And those nights I get high just from breathing.”

In health, Miss Huntley has assigned seats when we are in the computer lab/library/etc. I sit next to Byron, he’s a nice boy, but he’s not that talkative. It doesn’t help that this is the first time that I have had a class with him, and I don’t hear anything about him; hence, no conversation starters that are personal.

It’s getting so cold. But my new sweater keeps me pretty warm for the most part. And remember, it’s just fall, it’s not even winter yet. It’s going to get so cold. =(

Hey, Amanda, when you’re staring at the telephone tonight..

.. “Do you think of turning it off, turning off all of the lights? … And when you cry yourself to sleep, does it help keep you alive?”

I gave Copeland another chance. The only reason why I liked them in the first place was because my name is in “Pin Your Wings”.. XD Last year, Lorren said it made me sound like a hooker. Lol’d. But yeah, Copeland is not that bad, I like “You Have My Attention” right now. I should listen to more of their songs. But I do agree with the people who said that Eat.Sleep.Repeat was a whole lot better than In Motion. Find it fascinating that 99.9% of the time when I’m writing this, this comes off the top of my head. “Fascinate us with your musical knowledge”- Megan. She really said that! *blush*

Rowan yarns and Debbie Bliss are SO beautiful:

Oh my god.. I wish I could have those. They cost five US dollars per skein. And the skeins are as big as the ones in the picture.

I’m starting another sweater. I’m going to cut myself some slack and try something not as hard. And I’m going to pay attention to gauge this time..
But yeah, top down raglan for me. I’m trying to find that basic pattern, but I can’t! It’s so annoying. I found a very awesome pattern for a cute sweater, and it’s not that hard. The button band is knitted into the garment, if I read it right.

Tomorrow’s school again. It sucks how this day has gone by so quickly, and how I’m going to have to wait more. I’m tired of waiting.

I’m going to make some apple streusel to have for lunch. It’s supposed to be really good, it looks really good.

I heard the matches’ new single on SURS. It was pretty sweet. I’ve been thinking of checking them out- since Mark produced them. And the last time I had this notion, it brought me to fall in love with MCS. Case closed.

It’s breast cancer awareness month, and my school is so corny and has the dumbest ideas.. We all have to wear pink on Tuesday for “spirit week”. Uh, dude, spirit week is supposed to be celebratory, what does breast cancer have to do with it? Is someone going around infecting little girls on Tuesday? And little boys? I mean, come on. We really *are* that desperate.

One of my brackets is no longer a part of my tooth. It just slides around. I’ve noticed something weird going on there, but it wasn’t that serious at the time. I went to the orthodontist a few days ago, they checked me out, and they found nothing wrong. I noticed that it was loose on Saturday. Stupid lazy orthodontist.

Oh, and Mitchell was at the orthodontist’s office, too. And Mom had a talk with his mommy. I wasn’t around, but I hope that he will not talk to me about it.

George let dad borrow house, season one. The whole boxed set! Dude.. I no longer have to wait and wait until blockbuster has disk two in, I can just watch the whole thing! =DDD

Anyways, I’ll leave this blog with an actual ending.
Hopefully, you all will have a good week, and I’ll write here in a few days.

I’m going up but I might not ever land, you said you’d understand..

… “You fit in my seam trying to make everything work.”

It’s taken me this long to figure out what that means. It’s been driving me bonkers. It means that “you” are trying hard to be the person “I” want you to be. That’s a really good metaphor, but I wish it didn’t take me that long to figure it out.

John Mayer’s blog is pretty awesome. I also wish that I had seen this blog before, because it is pretty funny. It also made me realize how serious I am on this blog. I am really quite a funny person, if you don’t know that already, but to all those colleges that are reading this blog right now, I feel I should put some other tone onto this blog other than my problems and beliefs, because that can wait for later!! =D

So, ASB is coming up, and I cannot vote because I’m not going to be here next year =D

But, anyways, there’s this candidate running for who-knows-what, named Erin. And her posters are shaped in a creative way. A big blue E. Allie and I were counting them on the way from her locker in fourth hall to the cafeteria, and believe it or not- we found sixteen. We had not even gone into the other hallways besides first hall. So, there are a bajillion more around the school. There are two in the bathrooms. Supposedly, one is right above the sink, so whichever way you spin it, you can see her poster. What’s the point in having your poster in the bathroom? James had one in the girls’ bathroom last year. He’s a dude. But, whatever. Allie had a good point here, to answer the question I asked one sentence ago: “So you’re going bathroom and it’s like, ‘this can wait. [I need to vote for Erin Long for Secretary!!]” I added that paraphrase because you wouldn’t have understood it the other way. Even though, technically, that was not my humor, it was still pretty funny.

Err.. That makes up for the mad amount of dramatic-ness that I am going to write down.

First period was nice today. Daniella was gone, so I talked to Cameron most, if not all [which would be an exaggerated term.] of the period. Pay attention to the first three words of my last sentence. Yes, Daniella decided to have a crush on him, too. It’s depressing- she decides this after I tell her. I got a good first impression of her, but this really does change things. Friends just don’t do that. I’d be better off not knowing that she likes him. But no, the world has to be *so* honest. I would rather be lied to. Ignorance *is* bliss. But, then again, Cameron would not like her back, at least not now. I don’t think he even knew her name before a few days ago, since he asked me what her name was so he could borrow a highlighter.

I’ve been dying to get my hands on some Rowan or Debbie Bliss yarn. It’s so expensive, but I’m really looking to buy it since I’ve heard such good things about those two brands. If I lived in the UK, I’d be swimming in yarn.

..” And it sinks in, between these holes in your old bedsheets, you might spend your life alone. And you don’t want to be alone. I don’t know what it’s like to be you baby, but from the looks I don’t think I want to. You know what I mean when I say that I come from a place that hurts.”

I’ve been piecing it together..

… “It’s got something to do with every look thrown like a knife across a crowded room.. Every stupid melody to every stupid song and every stupid word that everybody’s hanging on, what difference does difference in age make? I know how it ends.. She’ll kill me quick. Call 911, I’m already dead but someone should be caught and help responsible for this bloody mess.”

Dude, that’s one of the best songs I’ve heard in a while. It’s been stuck in my head forever, too.

I’ve been gone this week, I haven’t been able to get online! XD

This week hasn’t been that eventful.

Riza’s birthday was Tuesday, and because of that, our locker is now decorated with Halloween decor. Maybe I’m just out of it, but I see no connection between Riza’s birthday and Halloween except for the fact that it’s in october. Cody signed it with just his name, what an idiot. Lorren signed more than that, she just wrote “pie” and her name. At least that is five letters more than Cody wrote.

We’re reading To Kill A Mockingbird in English now. I really like that book, but it really takes the surprise element out of play when you’ve already read the book. Dill’s my favorite character. Even though Jem and Atticus are white, I still picture them as black people..

It is so weird how there is some kind of drama going on now. There is actual drama going on. It’s not hardcore or anything, and to some extent, it is elementary, but it’s some kind of drama.

I’m more interested in my friends and their background than I was before. It’s just hard to bring it up. I’ve known Laurie, Lorren, Megan, and Karen for so long now, and I’ve been really interested in their beliefs and religion. I know that Laurie does not belief in a god, even though she is open to the idea. She is Buddhist. I found out a week ago that Lorren wants to be Buddhist too. But really, I am curious as to which religion my friends associate themselves with. If only that question would not be as awkward or misinterpreted.

I’m also interested in people’s family life, too. I guess I’ve been thinking about this alot because I found out a while ago that some people I know are wealthy. I guess it’s the fact that you can’t tell that they are wealthy, and that it’s something you have to dig around to find out about. People interest me. I want to find out things that I don’t necessarily know at first. Or other people know.

I’ve been reading The Handmaid’s Tale. It’s a fairly new book, I think it came out this year. It’s very interesting, I like the way the author writes. It’s supposed to be about the future, it’s a satire. It’s very clever and it makes me think. I really enjoy this book, I’m only halfway through, but it really hooked me in after the second chapter.

Apparently, we won’t be writing essays for a while since we’re reading To Kill A Mockingbird. I’m pretty excited about it. I’m starting to become a better writer. I wouldn’t mind putting up my most recent essay up here, if anybody would want to read it.

Tomorrow is finally Friday. This week did seem more awesome than the weeks that end on Thursdays.

My hands are cold again. This weather is really downbeat. It may be sunny, but we’re still freezing. The heater only works when it wants to. And I’m too lazy to put on another sweatshirt [believe it or not, wearing two sweatshirts keep you relatively warm. It's not even that bulky, either.]

I am now the magical calculator repair person. I fixed not only my own calculator, but Lorren’s and Laurie’s. All because I took the time to go look in my instruction booklet. It took three seconds to find said booklet, but dude, it took me forever to find the section where it talks about the graphing part.

“Everytime I’m talking to myself, I imagine myself talking to you.”

I’m sorry if I have not replied to anybody’s comments. I realized today that when I get the e-mail from livejournal saying that I have a comment, I read it and tell myself that I’ll reply later. Needless to say, I forget.

My binder is a mess. It weighs a ton and yet I still refuse to make up a new system for my school things.

Science is so much more interesting than I thought. I really wish I learned about energy earlier because it is so much more interesting than earth science. There’s a reason why I nearly fell asleep in that class, and that is not just because of Borgmann or the stupid people around me.

We all have sizeable scars.. We got it.

.. “You break it all apart, we got it, we’ll make it work like this, like this, like this..”

Geez, the end of the weekend is almost here. The next three day weekend is in early November, and our Thanksgiving break is pretty short, only a few days. They should be more forgiving for Thanksgiving, I think.

Christmas seems to be in the air more so than Halloween. I haven’t thought much about it being the “holidays”, but the mere thought of it being so close really does excite me. It always seems so far away.

But yeah. I haven’t trick-or-treated ever since fifth grade. Maybe even fourth. Ever since we moved into our new house, I haven’t trick or treated. Seriously. Just because we “don’t know the neighborhood”. I don’t know, it’s pretty depressing. Andy went trick or treating with Xavier the past couple of times, and of course, I never get any candy on halloween. It’s depressing. Maybe I can just treat myself to some of the big bags of candy from Target. They’re really cheap now that Halloween is near.

I’m hoping that Allie and I can hang out next weekend at the mall. I just wish that I didn’t waste so much money over the summer because I didn’t think that I’d be going out this year. I’m spending lots of money lately, and that’s not a good thing. Even though I am so cheap. I am in need of new clothes, and I guess that’s what’s wrong.

The computer is going bonkers because there are a bajillion programs going, and the internet is slow because of that. =(

I love Brand New. Their songs are so awesome. I never thought I’d say that I’d like Brand New, but I am… And I feel pretty awesome.

I’ve been feeling under the weather, lately. I hope I’m not getting sick. It’s too early in the year to be in this state.

I picked you out of a crowd..

DUDE!
I was the radio yesterday. I really hope you heard me. Sure, it was for like three seconds, but that one sentence explains it all and brings questions to your head, eh?

Well, I totally won a contest yesterday. Totally sweet. I never win anything!

I did go to Seattle with Teagan and Daniella, we took pictures and I’ll post them once Teagan e-mails me. It was so totally awesome, we had so much fun! I got home at around nine or ten, when I was supposed to be home by around four.. XD

We walked around Seattle for a while after we left Gameworld. It was so beautiful, just taking in Seattle. I loved it so much, I really hope that we’d be able to do it again, because we really had tons of fun.

Especially since there are like a bajillion stores downtown. I’d love to just go there and shop. It would be awesome.

I’ll elaborate more, later. I’ve been away from the internet for two days already I think, and I need to check up on things =D

I’m so unprepared, so here’s your valentine.

You know, being a bad person isn’t that hard.

I’ve been thinking about that alot, lately. I don’t know why.

People just get the idea that being a bad person is hard because stupid people turn into bad people. Honestly- if a smart person like me were a bad person, people would be surprised how easy it is to do so.

“So yeah, I offically work at Tower Records, today was my first day on the job. Got back from break all happy employee discount is insane. Tower got bought by Liquidaters. Yep EVERY single Tower is no more, starting tomorrow there are going to be sales. RIP Tower Records.”

SWEET! Sure, lots of people are out of jobs. But people out of jobs = money saved for Amanda. Selfish thing to say, yeah. I told you being a bad person is pretty easy.

Please keep the crowd under control.

… “This is a matter of life and death, and we’re not prepared. I just want you to know.”

I have not updated much this week, I’m sorry. Some things have actually happened this week, I guess.

My essay is due Wednesday. Thank god. I need a break, anyways.

Daniella’s birthday was yesterday, as well as Katie K. Daniella, Teagan and I are going to celebrate Daniella’s birthday tomorrow, if things go as planned. WE’re going to Seattle with my mom and Daniella’s. Yeah, it did take alot of persuading. ALOT.

Err.. I am just going to give up on my semi-crush on Ryan. I’m admitting it here for the first time. But you know, it sucks. Being hurt sucks.

Holy ____!!! Dude.. Permanent Holiday did a cover of blink.. Oh god. It sucks.. They totally butchered it! For the love of god- why slow down this song?! How can anyone possibly mess that up? You seriously need to hear this tragedy. They really are just a myspace band.

I got my quiz back from chapter two. SIXTY EIGHT PERCENT. I missed four problems out of twenty five. And they counted two points each- so, that’s how I earned a D+. Even Cameron- who gets really good grades, missed three and got a C+. Oh, I’m angry.

Dude, I was offline for two days in a row and you know what was waiting for me? Sixty e-mails, tons of missed news posts, and I need to catch up on the message boards. This is great. FYI- forty of those sixty e-mails were spam. I’m not that awesome.

This is going to be a good month for two reasons:
1. The Cure record coming out on Halloween.
2. Brand New’s record is coming out pretty soon, too.

You walk down the red carpet and I look over.
I wave and you look away.
You don’t care much for talking to the tabloids.
We’re all so desperate for becoming the next celebrity.
I know you prefer her over me. You always have.
Even when I was supposed to be at the top of your list.
I list the way I feel through devices.
Stay where I can see you.
I feel so lonely when I can’t glance over without feeling the race.
It all wore off before.
Why does your personality have to be so addicting?

I’ll type more later this weekend.

You can see it, too, we’re going down..

..”We’re doomed, my dear, we’re slow dancing in a burning room.”

I’ve been in the mood for some feel-good music. Easy listening. You know? So, John Mayer has been put in the backseat for a little while since the last time I wrote about it, and I listened to it thoroughly, and it’s so good. Seriously- I can’t express how much I’ve fallen in love with “Slow Dancing in a Burning Room” and “Back To You”, they have been stuck in my head all day long. I’ve been hearing that Room For Squares [John's record before Continuum] is so much better than Continuum, and I am thinking of listening to it again. I listened to it in like seventh grade, but that was before I got into any of this stuff.

I have a math quiz tomorrow and a science quiz, too. I got my math test back, I’ve been anticipating it forever. And of course- I got a C+. I’m not retaking it. I have one retake per quarter and we have two more tests, I am not going to waste it. This sucks though- they changed the grading scale so it’s harder, if we still had the old grading scale I would have a B. I got a seventy nine percent on the test, if I got one percent higher, I would have a B-, which is better than a C+.

I’m even more stressed than before. I’m putting things off. I am not going to put 110% into anything anymore. I can get by with my 100%. I still don’t feel alive anymore. I don’t know what to do to come back to the living and out of this ghost world that I’ve been living in for the past month. I seriously do not know what to do anymore, I don’t care about anything anymore because I am so convinced that I am not here. I forget to eat because I care more about my mental being than my physical being. What’s the point of eating if I’m not here right now. All the hunger that I may feel, any kind of physical pain that I feel, I no longer care anymore. I can ignore it so easily.

I don’t know if my posts have changed ever since I’ve been feeling this way. This veil that is called my perception seems to block everything, nowadays.

My concept-> color syn blocks alot of things. But it’s what makes me familiar with the world. If I try and ignore my syn, everything seems so alien.

I want to tell someone new about my synesthesia. I’m hungry for attention lately, and I am really wondering what my acqaintances think about it. Maybe I’ll find another synesthete in the process, just like me. If only that could come up in a normal conversation. If only I were not so random and silly, so people would take me seriously when I say that inches are hollow and blueish white, while centimeters are solid and yellow green, and that is why inches are better.

24, oh, how I’ve waited for you. Four or five months, maybe, just to watch season five. A shot of thrill went down my spine for the first time in a long time- during those first twenty minutes.

Uh.. I think I should start making clothing again. It’s been a while since I’ve made something. I bought that jersey fabric over the internet during August, maybe I can make something for myself. Because really- it’s getting way too cold around here. I really need to find something that keeps me warm besides my usual things. People are going to start thinking that I’m poor. No, I’m not- I’m just really picky!

But, you know, I really should indulge myself more when I go shopping. Money really should not be an object to me. What’s the point of shopping if I don’t truly appreciate the things I buy. If I spend alot of money, at least I’ll be satisfied with my purchase, and I’ll earn the money I spent back.

And, despite my mental state, I still have the ability to have crushes on boys. Ugh. I’ve decided to give up on my crush on David Boe. It’s so pointless, really. I don’t talk to him, I don’t even have a class with him. I don’t have to wait this out to the end, I don’t have to fight every battle.

But yeah, I guess I have only one main crush at this time. But, there’s another person who might be a possibility. It’s depressing. The more I talk to him [the possibility], the more that I like him. But gosh, he can do the dumbest things. The other boy [the 'main' crush], however, is religious. Somewhat. I know this is not right, but I don’t think I can like someone that’s religious. I don’t want a dude who is extremely religious and holy, no, I want a dude who makes perverted jokes. I want a dude who is unorganized, and silly. I don’t want a dude who is an overachiever. I’m sorry- that’s just too high maintainent for me ["ohmygod Igotasixtypercentonmytest!!]