It’s a comic book crush that got him nowhere..

I’m going to the mall with Allie today.

I’m listening to the new John Mayer, I’ve been hearing how good he is. I’ve only heard his singles before, but I like this. And, one of his songs was played during the end of House. Suh-weet.
I’ve been needing some feel-good music lately, because SoCo is not really cutting it for me, only because I know their songs so well.

Lorren told me to listen to Margot and the Nuclear So-So’s. I expected a girl to be singing, since Margot is a girl’s name. But yeah- I like them. They were a band that I’ve been hearing alot about but I didn’t give them a listen.

1. emery
2. The recieving end of sirens
3. pistolita
4. punchline

That was off the top of my head, but those are bands that I would like to get into more, or just get into period. I’m experimenting.

“You little creep, that’s what she said, those quotes from your mother get better everyday.. We’re never going to die, I’ve waited here for hours hoping that you’d call, and your machine’s full.. new years eve just thinking of the summer hoping that at midnight you wouldnt be around.. I’m not hiding war, and it seems to me that we’ve been here before, where were you when I was at the airport? Where were you when I wanted to fly?”

Top ten songs that I’ve been listening to:
1. Little- SoCo
2. Airports - SoCo
3. Letters to Noelle- SoCo
4. Sadie- Alkaline Trio
5. Moshi Moshi- Brand New
6. Seventy Times Seven - Brand New
7. The End of the World - The Cure
8. Something That Produces Results - The Early November
9. Baby Blue- The Early November
10. Almost There, Going Nowhere- The Starting Line

.. And I’m listening to Bang Bang by Pistolita…
It’s pretty good piano rock. I don’t listen to them alot, just because they don’t really stick for me. I think I just need to try them out a little more.

We got our IDs renewed yesterday- geez.. I don’t like my picture. But hey, I never use it. Sweet.

It’s perfect, or so they say

..”It’s hard to see it turn out that way, to keep us going, to keep us going, breathing..”

Four Year Strong is absolutely amazing. It’s hard to believe how talented they are- yet they are very underground.

I could be doing my homework right now. But since it’s a three day weekend, I actually have an option!

People from magnet don’t seem to have much of a sense of humor. Seriously.

Today was an okay day, it was not that special. I’m so excited about my three day weekend. =D

I’m so tired of hearing about Panic! At the Disco from Katie. I’m seriously tired of it. It’s okay that she listens to it- that is her thing, but she knows that I’m annoyed by it when she talks about it to me. She feels so cool because she listens to it, and to be very honest- she listens to three bands. Maybe she listens to more, but these are the majority of what I hear. Three mainstream bands. She does not have a right to argue with me about this subject- she just doesn’t. She doesn’t have the musical knowledge or opinion to even think about arguing with me on a subject that I know so much about. I don’t know everything- but I certainly know more than she does.
And no, I’m not that ‘open-minded’ when it comes to people telling me about their music. If they sound like an idiot, I’m not going to play along with it and laugh with them. I’ll call them out on it. Appreciate the fact that I am not like this about everything.

I deserve a treat. I am going to sew something up for next week, since I got that new fabric during the summer. I’m thinking of making a skirt. Or maybe something else, that’s really cute. All I know is that I need new clothes- fast.

I got my CK sweatshirt today. My favorite detail is..
the word ‘freshman’ spelled down the sleeve. Awesome.

Broken toes, broken prose, and broken pianos

When was the last time I updated here? It seems like a while.

Four hours of homework yesterday. Four hours of homework today. I actually just finished taking a shower to give a shout out to whoever *coughheathercough* reads this blog.
I am currently putting together an essay about Dreams Deferred by Langston Hughes. Believe it or not- that was hard. I first had no inspiration. Then I got a hold of some on wikipedia. And I, being so dumb- thought that wikipedia would be okay [that darned voice in the back of my mind should have been louder!], but no, I cannot use wikipedia as a source.

Tomorrow I have a test in WA State History, it’s really boring and really dull and I have not studied. We’ll see how I do. Honestly, I don’t care about the class. I couldn’t care less if I got a C or an A. The whole class is stupid. The only thing I really like about the class is the teacher and my classmates. That’s it.

I feel like I’m just feeding the machine.

I feel like a robot again, and I guess I’m still at the retreat.

Something has been getting in our way…

…”Between you and I on summer holiday, yeah”

I’m tired, once more.

I’m sitting here with the water bottle by my side, thoughts jumbling through my head and I just felt a slight pang of annoyance, since I recieved an e-mail. The e-mail told me that I have a new message from pat on myspace [exclamation point, exclamation point]. I just sent him a message a few minutes before and signed out. Forget that.
The water bottle is also annoying me. The constant reminders from myself and outside influences have been telling me to drink more water. My mouth is dry, I’m cramping up. The water bottle is mocking me- it’s empty. I followed their advice and the pangs of dehydration are still around.
It turns out that the boy that I currently have a crush on- does not usually like people. It was a minor little crush, and it would not have gone anywhere in the first place, and I should not be offended. I am not offended. I guess I’m just a little disappointed.
And yet, I am oh-so likeable, that boys like me now. Boys that I do not like back. Boys that I do not desire and I don’t think I ever will desire.
Magazine fundraisers are just stupid. They are. But apparently, it’s so easy, because I just have to ask around. They forgot to mention that despite their “wide selection of magazines”, they do not have Bust, ReadyMade, or Knit.1. Magazine fundraisers are stupid.
It’s a four day week. I really want this week to just end.

Courtnee and I are talking more in WA State History; she’s actually pretty interesting to talk to. She seemed very quiet at first, but now she seems like the complete opposite- I don’t mind.

I’m talking to the ceiling, my life just lost all meaning

… ” Do one thing for me tonight? I’m dying in this silence, the last star left in heaven is falling down to earth and, do you still feel the same way?”

I went grocery shopping today, that took up most of my day. I got home, did some homework, and started doing chores. Then I started knitting again. I’m very frustrated right now because of the project. But, I’ll finish this in about a week. I just need a few more hours.

But yeah. I’m almost finished with one of the sleeves. I’m also doing the yoke right now. I seamed together the shoulders. So, I have to:
- Finish the yoke
- Finish the sleeve
- Start on the second sleeve
- Start on the button band
- block it

Yup, I’m going to block it. I just need to figure out how.

This is what kept a smile on my face and five minutes of laughing unstopped.

There’s so much more that I wanted and there’s so much more that I needed and..

… “Time keeps moving on and on and on.. Soon we’ll all be gone”

1. Went on YouTube yesterday and saw some videos of blink. It really reminded me of how awesome they are
2. Finished left front of sweater. All I have left are the sleeves + button band
3. It’s getting too cold! I wore two sweatshirts yesterday. yes, TWO.
4. I really want to do some shopping.

Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick..

“.. The one that makes me scream, she said, the one that makes me laugh, she said, and threw her arms around my neck”

… I need a sweater- badly. I really want to finish the one I’m working on.

And, of course, I can’t. I have a project due on wednesday, and I’d like to get it done quickly. That probably won’t happen.

I also promised myself to finish reading that book from the AR list. I pick out the handmaids [insert rest of title here]. It’s a satire. I’m hoping that I’ll like it enough to finish it this weekend. I want to get those thirty AR points as quickly as I can! Homework is tons to worry about- I don’t want to be thinking about reading.

Well, the school year has officially started - I have a crush on some dude. Or two. Or three. Sort of.

I’m super dehydrated, and I lost weight. The latter should not surprise me, yet it does. They complement each other, I guess.

I have my chapter one test on Monday. Oh.. I really want to do well! I did the practice self test [which, I might add- was not assigned!], and I asked for those extra practice sheets a while ago, and I have been using them.

.. And of course, Allie makes fun of me because of my crush on this dude. He’s from magnet, had phimister last year. He’s really smart. He has three classes with me. He’s very nice, pretty funny, and dear god - he does not talk like a surfer! Awesome! He corrects my papers in mygatt, because we are somewhat friends. I hardly know him. I went to the mall/movies with him once last year with Katie, Phar, Josh, Riza, and Zack. He was a pretty funny dude. And, he’s pretty adorable-looking too. He’s a cool guy to hang around with.

The Office is officially back! Oh, I’ve been wanting to see it and had to wait all summer long to see the new episodes. It was so funny! I couldn’t pull myself away from the television this morning to finish getting ready just because I wanted to keep watching this.

I thought that today would be a good day because the office returned. It wasn’t a great day. I forgot to pack my lunch, the vending machine was closed so I had to suffer through lunch. This nice dude who has history with me offered me money. I don’t even know his name. I’ll keep him in mind just in case he needs my help later. I didn’t take his money- I bring my lunch from home for a reason! But yeah- because I am so stubborn, I ended up eating some strawberries that Laurie gave me, and a fortune cookie that Laurie stole from Riza. I love my friends.

We had Mrs. Johnson come in and talk to us about the student rights and responsibilities today. I’m so happy she’s doing this instead of the new principal. The last two years I just zoned out while they talked about it. It’s so boring. But, Mrs. Johnson livens just about everything up- I actually liked it. I wish she was my teacher again this year- she’s so entertaining.

“Drugs and alcohol- don’t do it. Don’t be an idiot and bring a gun to school.”

I had this dream where TSL was covering a song by Four Year Strong. I can still remember it! Oh, it’s so good! I wish the world could hear it! Even though it is far from reality- it’d be so awesome.

At four AM you came out of the blue

… “I haven’t seen such red since I’ve seen you, I’m upset but I’m fine, I’m just surprised you’re so unemotional, and she said, in reply, “I did some drinking, and it’s got me thinking of you.”

Today’s been so topsy-turvy. And, I’m still at the retreat. That’s metaphorical.

I can’t help but get the feeling that I am not a great writer. I’ve always been told that I’m a good writer, always. No matter how far I got, no matter how advanced it happened to be- I’ve never gotten a bad grade in that area. I haven’t gotten a bad grade yet, either. It’s hard to not compare yourself to everyone else in this whole pre-ap thing.

Spanish is just.. Interesting. Lara seems to be concentrating more on conjugating verbs, rather than the definition of the verbs. So, I need to brush up on that. I can conjugate empezar a bajillion times- but I cannot remember what it means. I get alot of attention in that class because of my knitting. It’s a nice feeling. But, it does get a bit tiresome. I can knit in a store, knit at home, and I don’t get one bit of attention. I guess this shows how well adjusted we all are.

Health is just stupid.
WA state history is okay. I’m getting the hang of it. Geology is just really boring for me.
Algebra two is not that fun. I like doing math. My synesthesia goes bonkers, but it’s nice. It’s simply the fact that I feel ignored.
Science is funny. It’s cool that we do some math in there that I did a few years ago. It makes me feel smart that I can do at least something right when it comes to math.

I can’t help but doubt how smart I really am. I know that I have the abilities and I am naturally good at learning. I’ve always been told that. If it were the opposite, “I wouldn’t be in these classes.”. I feel like such a failure, such a wreck, lately, despite what I’m told. It’s starting to show, too. I mess up my makeup, almost to the point that I decide not to even wear it to school. I’m snapping at everyone. Every few hours or so, I am on the verge of crying, for no good reason. I’m negative, and if I’m frustrated to the tiniest degree- I just give up.
“What?” “Forget it.”
And then, on the other hand, I feel extremely happy. The slightest thought of something that makes me happy, it makes me feel nearly.. High. This lasts for a few minutes, ten or fifteen, and then I feel somewhat normal again. Then, the cycle starts all over. I thought I was over the thing called “puberty”. At least a little bit. Maybe during the past two years, I was just tricking myself that my hormones were going wacky starting at the first sight of blood.

And, I wonder, if you wonder.

… Should I bring back, “rad”? I haven’t said it in months, and the word looks so weird now. I thought it was so cool last year. I don’t know why.

I’ve been looking at things from a different view, lately. I try and pull myself away from my synesthesia, its meaning, and just the basic depth of normal things. I realized how weird the letter Q is. It looks like caveman writing. A circle with a freaking slash through the middle. Horrid. Ugly, and horrid. But, with my synesthesia- she’s a classy woman. She’s magenta-lavender.

I am now supposed to be reading, Sense And Sensibility by Jane Austen. I was told it was a good book. It’s about a love triangle. I didn’t know that when I picked up the book. I feel so smart- I checked out the book without even figuring out what it’s about!

Yes, it is winter again. Technically- fall, but it’s still just as cold. I’m surprised that it’s come so quickly. I really want to finish making me sweater! I need to find something more fashionable than sweatshirts, and that one, maroon sweater!
I finished the back. Now, I’m doing the right front. All I have left are the button bands, sleeves and left front. This is going to take a few more days. But, it’s taken me a while to make just the back; anyways, it’ll be just fine. I hope it looks just as nice as the lady in the picture!

If your plane crashed tonight, I know you’d find some way to disappoint me..

..”Like burning in the wreckage, or drowning at the bottom of the sea!”

Geez, these last couple of days have not been fun. I totally broke down yesterday after school, it seems like it’s something that everyone’s doing these days. And, I’m not good at hiding it either.

Why is it that competition is so common between girls?
I know that Allie and I are not competing for who is better at math or not. But I still feel like we are. She probably does not feel the same way- I’m probably just over-exaggerating, but I still feel pretty hurt. When she tells me that it was so easy, how is that supposed to make me feel? What am I supposed to say to that?

I’m getting more attention than I want, or need, from people lately. I’m not complaining, but I just don’t think I deserve it.

And yet, I am gaining on crushes on boys. These are tiny, three second crushes for sure.

Life is getting so complex, lately. It’ll all settle down, soon, I know. It’s still getting very ridiculous.

So, I have a health quiz tomorrow, a spanish test on thursday, Chapter 1 test on monday.

I feel very far away right now. It’s like, I’m not really living my life anymore. I felt this way last year, too. It’s my retreat from normal life, why does doing tasks I don’t want to do, matter, if I’m not really living it? It is my retreat. It makes me feel better.

My movement-color syn is going crazy. My twitches to the right are bright green. My knitting sometimes makes me get a headache- because of the movement-sound syn [now I get it!].

I know people with the best personalities.

Are you thinking of me, when you’re putting on your makeup, darling

..”Dying your hair like you do”

So, today was McChord day.. I went to st. vinnie’s and got some awesome mohair yarn, and some other yarn… I hate the smell of other people in the yarn- I need to figure out how to get it out.
But anyways, I waited for a *very* long time at the counter, and eventually, I got to look at the knitting supplies. There wasn’t much there, except for…
A set of six circular needles! The needles looked very new, the case was just kind of old.. I spent ten dollars on the needles alone, but that’s pretty gosh-darn good, since if I bought them at a store, it would cost triple. I think. I’m still proud- even though I spent *all* of my real money, and I now have to rely on my card.

I am almost done with the back of my sweater! I’m so excited, except for the fact that I am running out of yarn. Of course. I am using a dark blue, Caron Simply Soft.. I don’t know- maybe I should just start over with the yarn I recieved in the mail. It’s so frustrating!

Forget everything you think you knew about me..

And one more thing- my synesthesia is getting so hyper lately. Today, I realized that I had more concept->touch syn than I thought. And, I realized that I do have sound-> temperature too [there's this one darned noise.. It makes me feel extremely cold by my shoulders.].
Those concept syns.. Are really acting up! I could hardly take notes today because all I could think of was how I think about it.

Today, we learned about significant figures. All I could think of was that if I didn’t have synesthesia, I probably would not be able to function in math at all. Those wonderful little yellow spaces [inches], those cute green spaces [centimeters], the darkness behind the decimal point, how wide whole numbers feel, how rounding up feels like I’m carrying the number in my hand, how it feels like binding off. How six million is such a wonderful number, especially if it has a few eights peeking in through the zeros.. How great it feels when theres two numbers around the zero [because zero is always so lonely - they make him feel more secure.]. Those lovely multiplication asterisks.. that lovely shade of purple! Eep! =D

Tell all the English boys you meet..

…”There’s an american boy back in the states, an american boy you used to date, who would do anything you say..”

OMG! IT’S THE WEEKEND!
I finished all of my homework. I mean, all of it.

Mom and I might go to St. Vinnie’s this weekend. Might. I doubt it. I’m trying not to get my hopes too high. But gosh- that’s the best thrift store in town!

We had to sing a song in Spanish. Golly, gee!

Las vocales en espanol, las vocales en espanol, ah eh ee oh oo. La eme con la a dice MA. La eme con la eh dice ME..

Geez. That was very entertaining.

I took a quiz today.. I had to stay an extra five minutes to finish it. I stressed out, and marked down answers I shouldn’t have, and of course, Allie’s around to tell me that it was so easy. She’s my best friend, but I don’t like being told that I am dumb. I know- I’m paraphrasing, and that’s not what she meant, but she is showing off. And I don’t like that.

Boys should not be around to look at me at lunch. Especially that one. *roll eyes*. Honestly- every single day, I turn around to find someone, and he has to be in my field of vision looking right back at me. It’s so ridiculous. And scar-ay.

But yeah, that was my day.

I want another hamster. I’ve been feeling particularly lonely lately, and I think that’s what I need. But I hardly have the time, I’m swimming in homework, note taking, and studying. Not to mention the upkeep of a hamster- taking half and hour to clean his cage is not something that I really want to do on the weekend.

That’s what the white coats said.

I am so proud of myself.
“You knit in class?”
“Yeah, Lara said that I can, and I am.”
“Oh.”
…
“Knitting’s so cool. I wish I knew how to knit.”

Yup. That made my day. Until the end of the day, I was totally burned out because of all the false hope I pumped myself up with [House? Anyone? XD]. I didn’t mean that last sentence- I just wanted to stick that quote in.. XD

Foreign Language by Anberlin.. Seems to be the only song that I enjoy by Anberlin. It seems like the lead is trying to sound like TEN, and they have similar styles.. But it does not work at all.
“Boys speak in rhythm, girls speak in code [doo doo doo doo, doo doo doo dooo]“

Teagan says that she has tickets to.. Get this: CIWWAF. In November. With Daniella. I’m so jealous. Despite all the stuff I’ve heard about their shows. I’d be even more jealous if they had TSL tickets. Jealousy is not a good thing. I start competing. So, I’m stopping, now.

So, here’s my playlist lately. I haven’t done this in a while.
1. Sadie- Alkaline Trio
2. Live At The Crime Scene- Four Year Strong
3. In Reverie- Saves The Day
4. The Days Go By Oh So Slow- Nightmare of You

Heh. Not much. But it does make this more interesting.

Keep your blood in your head and your feet on the ground..

I got my new yarn today. And yup, I hate most of it. Two weeks of waiting, and I got all ugly yarn, besides this beautiful olive green yarn.. But that’s besides the point. I got out the ugly yarn, and then Joann’s is so nice and economical.. Yup, they stuck in an ad for a sale they’re promoting. Oh, heck no, did they do that. I was so angry. But, I’ll suck it up- maybe I’ll like it after a few days.

The most awesome song by a very awesome band. Valencia is so underrated- I’ve loved them for a year, and they haven’t gone mainstream yet. They deserve success- but dear god, if I hear them every single place and can’t escape their name, I am going to die.

Ugh. I’ll say this again, I’ve never felt so ‘meh’. Technically, saying so means that the last time I felt this way was a false statement, but whatever.

I got some practice sheets from Quick so I can brush up on my math skills.

I don’t know. I want change. I need a change of pace. Good or bad, I don’t care- I just want change. I want to get away from life. Quite honestly- I want a vacation to somewhere else. This is probably because school is starting or whatever- I don’t need to miss school, I just want to go somewhere else.

I miss my Miss America from Park Hotel.

TENGO MUCHO COSAS NUEVAS!
Yup, Long’s is going out of business and everything is half off. We just spent eighty dollars on Kleenex, pasta, and makeup. Pretty awesome. Especially the last part.
Lately, I’ve been laying off on the lip gloss. I mean- face it- it’s goopy, shiny and sticks to everything. It’s okay to have for very special occasions, when you’re uncomfortable anyways- like wearing a mini skirt in December with those white high heels. Thank god I’m not the kind of person who cares about stuff like that too much.

Anyways, I got some Burt’s Bee’s lip balm. That’s the greatest lip balm on earth, I’m telling you. It lasts me up until lunch, but that’s only because I eat. I also got some tinted lip balm, some lip tint [totally different stuff than tinted lip balm- I use it on occasion when my lips are especially pale.], and of course- Eyeliner.

Anyways. My day equals:
1. Learning about racism and Dr. Seuss. Believe or not- that’s what The Sneetches was really about.
2. Knitting in Spanish again. My ribbing is turning out so perfectly, I so need to take a picture of it for you to see!
3. Huntley. I am starting to not love this class. Mostly because I can’t knit! I’m there fumbling with a pen trying to entertain myself… Gosh.
4. I like book work. I really do. I am a word person. I like words. I prefer taking notes over a hands on assignment.
5. Got my first quiz of the year back- 75%. We’re on a new grading scale. So, I got a C. Not a B- like I would have last year.
6. First lab of the year. And I was in the worst mood. Imagine this- You have a massive headache. Riza talks too loud anyday. April does too. I snapped at Riza. Alyssa looked really surprised, and Riza looked hurt.

So yes, I’ve been in a pissy mood all day long. So, that counts for two days. This is great.

My mom told me that I should eat more, and that’s why I have mood swings/headaches/feeling really sleepy. I just don’t know. I’m very preoccupied mentally lately, and I suppose that thinking is just enough for me to keep me from eating normally. This morning I had Nesquick for breakfast. I had rice crackers with craisins for lunch. I haven’t had dinner, and I’m not planning on it either. I am, however, gorging myself with chocolate. Maybe “feeling in love” is just what I need right now. But I don’t feel any better, and quite frankly, I think this “super creamy” milk chocolate could have been creamier. It tasted way too sweet for my buds right now, it’s eight.

I want to say something profound. I wish that I could find something to write about.

People say that you should live life to its fullest. You should live every second like it’s your last. Someone told me in California that I should cherish my youth [he was old.], because it goes away quickly. Put in the simplest terms- I don’t think I know how. Here’s a food for thought- What’s the point of living your life to its fullest if you probably aren’t going to die tomorrow? What about the consequences of your actions? If you tell some dude you like him, and he doesn’t like you back, you’re going to have to suck it up, and deal with it the next day. Is that how you really way to live the “last second of your life”?

If everyone followed that philosophy, nothing would get done. And assuming so, what’s the point of living a hundred years if you get everything you want done in just a few days? What do you have to live for? Are you just going to wait until death comes because there’s nothing left to do?

Boy. I am in a pissy mood. Even when it comes to the end-all, be-all of human existence, I’m still very pissy.

This second may seem like a lifetime of dreams.

Oh. Yup, I’m tired once more. Much more mentally than physically, but I think that’s worse. When you’re physically tired, at least you can think.
“Sure, I can run like the wind, but I can’t think!”

It takes so much energy to pay attention, it takes so much energy just to finish my work. It takes more energy to stay up. My eyes burn this annoying shade of pinkish orange. Everytime I close my eyes, because they hurt so much.

But, I bet this is just because I’m adjusting to the year starting. I hope this does not last at all.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt so ‘meh’.”

I find that I can relax my mind if I think about SoCo’s song, Miss America. Yup, I’ve mentioned it numerous songs, but this song really does it for me. Something Corporate’s songs are songs that are unlike other bands. Their songs make me feel certain emotions, seriously. It doesn’t make me feel “like” an emotion. I guess I have a new kind of syn. Sound -> emotion syn. It’s really handy around this time. Did I ever say that the sound of a harp makes me feel extremely stressed out? Yup, and it wasn’t that handy when we were ‘relaxing’ to it in summer school.

I guess my synesthesia does get brighter when I’m extremely tired. I’ve mentioned syn a few times here so far, and lately I haven’t been thinking about it much.

“A life left behind she can find in her mind on the way.. You give up your soul until you break down, it’s me and the moon she says, and I have no trouble with that.”

Is it possible to be annoyed with someone after just a few days? I think so. He hangs out with me before school, during lunch, says hello to me in the hallway more than once. I know he has good intentions, but gosh! How could I tell him about it, without breaking his poor little heart? He thinks that I don’t mind! Eep.
I’m doing everything I can to look unappealing. I ignore him, I act like I’m in love with some other dude, and gosh.. He doesn’t get the hint! Sure, I’m not doing everything, but I’m doing something, and that should be enough.

SoCo redid their song “Punk Rock Princess”, from Ready.. Break, and it’s on Leaving Through The Window. It is so much better. Before, the part before the chorus was this hippy color of orange, and now it’s deep and defined. It’s harder, and I like that.

Oh, and I forgot how to knit. Yup, of all the times in the world to forget such a crucial thing that keeps me sane, I forget. Dear god.. The world is ending.

Would you believe me if I said I didn’t need you?

I felt like feeling Christmas again. Or november-ish, october. Either way, I listened to the academy is… At length. Don’t you remember how much I loved them last year? And alkaline trio?
I now realize that eighth grade is completely gone. I’ve been focusing on summer, but I realize that it’s a new year now. Boy, even though last year was very stupid, it was still very fun. I wish I enjoyed last year more..

I’m driving myself bonkers. I hurt all over, not to mention my index finger nail has broken off [it's not that handy when it comes to knitting! It hurts alot to knit without a nice tip.], and of course, my mind is everywhere else from where it’s supposed to be.

I said before that I’m going bonkers, and that is because of my knitting. I’m messing it up, I lost my groove, and.. Ah!

That’s my english class. Heh, I’m right up front, because I’m so short. The one in the olive green shirt if you don’t remember, Heather XD

I’m getting back to the habit called school. And yes, I’m not that excited or even remotely happy that school is tomorrow again. I forgot about making lunches, getting projects done [dude, what the heck, I have to do a project called, get this, "Vision Of Me". On the program, Inspriration. Dear god, if this is how health is going to be this semester..]

I’m not in the best mood today, oh, I’m definitely not. I am on the edge right now, seriously. I don’t know if I’m just stressed [Keep in mind, I have my first algebra II test tomorrow, and Quick was nice enough to give us "practice test" and didn't even give us an answer sheet. I have no idea how that is supposed to be "helpful".], if I’m just pissy, or maybe it’s just both.

“Good Days
Do you know what got me angry today? Nothing. Not one damn thing. Woke up, felt OK ate a really good orange. Walked to work without getting splashed by a bus and I remembered to bring my security pass. Had a good meeting in the morning, ate creamy lentil soup at lunch and read some interesting reports in the afternoon. Walked home and drank a premium imported beer. That’s a pretty good day. What the hell is the last angry young man supposed to do with a good day? Write a poem about it? Not bloody likely.”

That came from this dude’s blog. There needs to be more people like him in the world *serious*

I don’t care what everyone else says- Cute Is What We Aim For is an awesome band, as powerpop as they are.

So, what have I learned today?
- school is overrated, and summer is too. For some reason, it seems to be some sort of trick to show us how bored we’d be if we didn’t have school. I’d rather be bored than be applying myself. I guess their trick didn’t work much.
- I thought that I deserved some sort of treat for this crappy week. And what happened? I got frustrated over knitting something, I got even more mad about everything else, and I decided to get online, only to find out that my brother and father left to who-knows-where.
- Today has been an extremely bad day. And tomorrow will only prove to be worse.
- My lips have been chapped all day. No matter how much of my favorite [most effective] chapstick I use, my lips end up chapped anyways. It annoys me beyond words. My lips hurt because they are chapped. I can’t wait until my new chapstick comes in the mail. I bought some over the internet that I could easily get through the drugstore, but come on, when will I ever go there? I have library books to turn in and I don’t think we’re going there either.
- Oh, and I’ve been twitching like crazy. Oh, it’s more annoying. It is so bad.. It’s been getting to less than a minute between episodes, and then it’d be back in half an hour or so. My whole upper body has been twitching, mostly. My shoulders make me go to the left, then my right arm twitches, then my side muscles contract, and I move to the left again. When my side muscles do that, I see maroon, when my shoulders do, I see a vertical jagged black and blue line. My right arm is orange pink. I don’t know how that works out.

The water moving through the sound, and the blood that boiling in my veins

I encourage for EVERYONE to listen to Miss America today. Seriously, it’s raining outside, and that’s what I see when I hear this song, it’s perfect! It’s one of the best songs ever by Something Corporate, I highly rec it for you.

You gave up your job at the bank, proving money’s not fun when you’re gone.

Today’s been full of ups and downs, sideways and frontwards, and the more I wrap my mind around it, the more I realize that being a “teenager” is pretty stupid.

Aev92 [7:11 PM]: I told you the story about Ryan and his pen right?
Aev92 [7:11 PM]: That’s been my story of the day that I’ve been telling everyone.
Aev92 [7:11 PM]: XD
bebes2392 [7:12 PM]: nope
bebes2392 [7:12 PM]: you haven’t told me
Aev92 [7:12 PM]: Wow.
Aev92 [7:12 PM]: Well, he was at his desk for like, ten minutes trying to get his mechanical pencil to work..
Aev92 [7:12 PM]: And he was cursing, it was very entertaining.
Aev92 [7:13 PM]: His birthday’s tomorrow, so he got one of those things from the office with the pen attached.
Aev92 [7:13 PM]: He was trying to get it off, and eventually he just broke it off of the paper- it turns out, the clip part of the pen was taped to the paper.
Aev92 [7:13 PM]: He was so happy when he got it, too
bebes2392 [7:13 PM]: i saw that
Aev92 [7:13 PM]: And then, his pen wouldn’t work.
bebes2392 [7:13 PM]: from across the room
Aev92 [7:14 PM]: so, he was trying to get it to work, and he was like, “What kind of a mean person gives me a pen for my birthday, and it doesn’t even work?!”*
Aev92 [7:14 PM]: It was so funny!
bebes2392 [7:14 PM]: you still like him
Aev92 [7:15 PM]: Err.. I don’t know.
Aev92 [7:15 PM]: When someone says, “It was so funny!”, it kind of gives that thought away, doesn’t it?
bebes2392 [7:15 PM]: yep
Aev92 [7:15 PM]: Ugh, I sure hope I don’t like him.
Aev92 [7:15 PM]: It’d be so ridiculous, and even more, pointless.
Aev92 [7:16 PM]: He sits next to me in class, I’d be feeling all weird and awkward since he’s right there.
Aev92 [7:16 PM]: gosh, it’d suck.
bebes2392 [7:16 PM]: AMANDA LIKES RYAN
Aev92 [7:16 PM]: Oh god! How did I not see that?!
Aev92 [7:16 PM]: Oh god, I’m lol
bebes2392 [7:16 PM]: see what?
Aev92 [7:16 PM]: lol’d*
Aev92 [7:17 PM]: See that you were going to do that as payback!

That’s the most perfect example in the entire world.

I was going to post said story, but that really does save some time.

What can I say? Today has not been the greatest. But, this really does show how much I’ve matured in the past two years. If I hadn’t, I’d be here, writing about the same thing for such a long time, obsessing. I’m so happy that I’m starting to care less and less about things, even though that sounds depressing.

I am forced to start another sweater while I’m waiting for my yarn to come. Did I tell you that it just shipped out yesterday, and I ordered it a week ago? Yup, I’m very angry. And no, I’m never ever buying from Joann’s on the internet ever again. [this contradicts my last paragraph, I know.]

It’s late, once more. I have my first test in Algebra II on Monday. I hope that I get a good grade. I’ve been trying so hard this week, I don’t want to blow it all by getting a bad grade on a test. That would just suck.

Health has been very dumb. This girl turned in her essay, and Huntley gave it back to her and said that she had to “re-do it” because there was one crossed out mark on her paper. I am not exaggerating [honestly, I'll make this a point- I'm as truthful as I can be on this blog. I hate it when I hear someone tells me a story, and it is dramatically changed just so it can make the other person look bad, or make themselves look good. Just in case you were wondering the truth of the stories I post here.]. She was offered the white-out, and then she was allowed to turn it in, but still, it’s just one single mark. It wasn’t distracting at all.

So, here’s another thing.
I’ve been having some troubles with my friends lately. Just one friend, really. Sometimes, I feel like I am only her “friend” because her mom knows my mom, and that we ride to school together. It’s more like this, “You’d better be her friend, or you’re out of a ride to school in the morning.”. You know who I’m talking about now, but I’m still writing it like this without specifics, just in case some stranger is reading this.
Honestly. She does not open up to me, even though I’ve shared with her my deepest secret of all, that affects my life in its entirety, that only a few select people know besides my parents and my doctors. I’ve shared with her my entire world, and then some, and it seems like she doesn’t return the favor. At times, it feels like she doesn’t even trust me. I mean, if you were to ask her who her best friend is, my name would not come up. I guarantee it. And that thought makes me sad, since I would definitely consider her my best friend. I have for nine years. This year has really opened up my eyes, and I don’t know if I should even keep considering her my best friend, because it seems like, now, that it’s a waste of energy.
I don’t know if I’m saying this out of anger, or just in the heat of the moment. I’ve been thinking about this for a week already. Maybe I’ll mellow out, now that I’ve finally written it down somewhere.

Well, hopefully, you had a good TGIF, because I certainly didn’t.