You’re two floors down getting high in the back room.

Yes, I’m bored again, and making a second post of the day.

I want this week to be over. And next week. I’m tired of school, Champine, and stupid people. I want tomorrow to be the weekend. Of course- it’s not.

I deserve a break. Would it be possible for someone to medically induce me into a coma? Because really, I’m getting tired of not being able to turn my brain off. I have a thought- and it’s like, “I know what I want to say”.. So then there’s another thought that comes in. It is so hard for me to finish one single thought in my head. It’s like, there’s one main voice that I listen to, then there’s this smaller back up voice that tells me what I should think about, so when I finally decide what thought I want to pursue, the smaller voice is off, once more, venturing for something else to think about. [btw, is this normal too? I'm sorry, but the more and more I think about how I function, the more I figure out that I'm not as normal as I thought.]
I wish this was something that I can fix. I mean, if you’re sick, you take medication. If you’re hungry, you eat food. If you’re thirsty, you drink water. If it’s in your head, there’s not much you can do. I have to suck it up and deal with it, it’s not something that you can fix. And I hate knowing that.

Uh… I want to take pictures. It turns out that I’ve only taken up like .2% of my storage space on photobucket. I’ve taken so many pictures, and I haven’t even taken up one percent. At least I know that I can take more pictures now, without guilt.

I love house. House is such an awesome show. I wish it came out more. Maybe I can get dad to rent me season one on DVD, since the new season is coming on soon, and I have a very small idea of what the characters are all about. Cameron’s my favorite girl, and Chase is my favorite guy.. Chase is so hot- his accent is so cute, too! =D

Yup, there are thoughts of the freshman dance. It’s cool that we’re all finally ninth graders, which means we can go to freshman. It’s supposed to be really fun. Riza already got her dress. I’m thinking that I’m going to make my own. I don’t want to go out and buy it. Three hundred dollars for one dress? Ridiculous. So, if I make it, it’ll probably cost me under a hundred dollars- all I need is some fabric. Alot of fabric, actually. But that’s not bad, considering the prices of dresses these days.

What did you possibly expect under this condition so…

Yup. Went to Whaling Days.
… And did any of you guys happen to look outside at the wonderful, pouring rain??? Yes. I got soaked. I saw Nick. Actually said hello to him. My hair was so freaking wet.

But yeah, I got a greasy elephant ear. It wasn’t that great. I want a taco, really.

Went to Office Depot, and the rental store. I want to buy some new books.

I don’t break hearts, I just dent them.

… And I cut myself with that darned rotary cutter. Same finger, just a little bit more severe. And yes, it took me forever to find a band-aid. I had to actually go in the garage and find dad’s ultimate I-brought-this-home-from-work kit. It has everything. Except, the band-aids were at the way bottom of the bright orange bag. It has the hospital’s insignia on it.

It happened while I was being a perfectionist- trying to make perfect lines on the fabric I’m sending to my partner. And of course, the lines ended up all wonky. Stupid rotary cutter. I had to iron the fabric flat, and then I ironed the creases so it’ll be as flat as it can for me to send!! I’m so smart.
I’ll take a picture of the things I have later… I uploaded my pictures too, but I’ll post them later too. I’ll have to take a pic of my dress also. So today, is very hectic [yet I'm here, on the computer. Relaxing my sore booty.]

You’re dying just to keep me cool.

Oh.. God. I’m so sore. My butt hurts.
Mom: Well, Amanda, you’re in PE.. That’s what happens.
Me: Mom, my butt hurts- when your butt hurts, you know it’s not an act of god! Someone is out to spite me.

Today I’m supposed to go to the post office and drop off my swap package- but I have yet to recieve my partner’s address- this is great. I sent her my address and everything.. At least this gives me time to figure out how I can send it- with the least amount of money. Sending a package to another country can get expensive.

I’ve been saying, that I am in sleep debt. And as expected, I woke up at seven thirty this morning. Someone really is out to spite me.

HAH!!! I just uploaded my pictures all by myself, yes I did! It turns out.. All I needed to do was turn the camera on! It’s that simple, oh my god! I’m so proud of myself, the idea came to me out of NOWHERE! Haha to you, god! HAH, HA.
… Because dude, I’ve been trying to figure this out for such a long time! =D I feel so content and happy. I told you- it doesn’t take much to make me happy.

.. But, keep in mind, I did get a little picture-happy when we went to Old Towne.. So, it’ll take me a while to upload them to photobucket. And, expect an entry full of frustration and anger, considering it takes forever to upload anything to photobucket, at least with my luck.

You know, I haven’t done top ten time in a really long time- so, here it goes:
Top Ten Songs That Have Been Popping In And Out Of My Head:
1. Rescued- Jack’s Mannequin
2. Hello Houston- Starting Line
3. I Want To Save You- Something Corporate
4. Suzie- Boy Kill Boy
5. Happy Holidays.. - Blink 182
6. Sweet Talk 101- Cute Is What We Aim For
7. Baby Blue- The Early November
8. Become What You Hate- Midtown
9. Indoor Living- Motion City Soundtrack
10. Monsters Invisible- Motion City Soundtrack

“Standing on the edge of morning, center sets and New Found Glory, playing as she’s pulling back her hair, drives away she’s feeling worthless, used again but nothing’s different, she’d stay the night but knows he doesn’t care… Home by three a deafening quiet, the porch light’s off, yes, they forgot it, she’d cry herself to sleep, but she don’t dare”…
… I Want To Save You- SoCo. That’s what’s going through my head as I write this.
Now I’m off to upload things to photobucket. Let’s see how this works.

The mindless comfort grows, when I’m alone with my ‘great’ plans.

Oh, what a day, what a day, what a wonderful day.

Today I can proudly say that I cannot, under any condition, play an official game of tennis. Neither can the people I was playing against [not to drop names but.. Your mom.].

We played tennis for half an hour, then we powerwalked. And of course, it wasn’t just me and laurie. I’m sorry- but I don’t always need all of my friends around, there are times where I just want to be with [insert name here], to get away from the crowd. And of course, that will probably never be a wish that will truly happen [I need a genie.].

Then we had break. Then we did a think run… and then we did Ten-minute abs.

We left school, and that was that.

[Gosh, I know I should be flattered- but I'm not. I don't want to be surrounded by my friends all the time. It's simple- and yet it's so hard for me to achieve. I need some alone time. And when I want to- I am just plain anti-social. Then everyone tells me that I am just not like that, so of course there must be some kind of dilemma I am faced with. There is- but it'd all hurt their feelings. ]

So, what am I listening to? I should brace my audience with the radical stuff that I listen to- considering that I have taste, compared to the mainstreamers.

- SpacePimps [Sounds like Blink, from their Buddha record.]
- Starting Line, I simply can’t get enough of them. Lately, “Hello Houston”,”Given The Chance”, “Playing Favorites”, and “Lasting Impressions” are my favorites.
- Surrounded By Lions, awesome new band with a different sound- I like it. The format that they recorded it on is very good- considering it’s self-produced.

… Eh, That’s all that I have off the top of my head- EXPECT MORE SOON! hehe.

Uhh.. I’m going to the post office tomorrow to send my swap partner her things- it’s going to be fun!

Thank god it’s the weekend. Maybe I can get another dress done. I just need to gather some supplies from my handy-dandy thrift store, and I’ll be on my way to dressdom in no time!!!

“What can I say, I’m easy to please.”
XD, I’ve said that alot and thought it a bunch- but I don’t think I’ve ever written it here- and it needs to be! lol

XD I’m so weird and no one seems to mind. Yesterday in school, I picked up my pen and started clicking it, and I was saying “Perfect white dots, perfect white dots.”, over and over. I don’t really see white dots- they’re more like white moons, but it sounds better to say dots. And no one said anything about it. I was around people I didn’t know that well- and they weren’t even obnoxious [and dude, they were boys.]. So it was pretty awesome. They didn’t even question it. I guess being pretty pays off. Or at least having pretty hair. [XD That was fun to write.]

Thank god.. I can sleep in tomorrow. At least a half hour later- that’s all I’m asking- because I am in major sleep debt. And trying to nap just doesn’t cut it.

(There’s no consolation prize) There’s no prize for consolation

Lalalalaalaaa!

Today equals:
- work with swiss balls, and plenty of “cardiovascular” exercise. I know she says that just to sound smart- hey, she’s a PE teacher.
- A test on goal setting and Ultimate Frisbee.

.. At least I’m never bored.

I spent my time online looking on wikipedia- about styles of the 1800s and up. It was fun. Too bad I have limited internet time.

I don’t have much to talk about, really. It’s been slowing down alot lately.

I’m started to get used to this summer school thing. That means that I have no interest of going back. It’s just that I have to wake up early. Last night I finally got a good night’s sleep. And then, I had no choice of whether I could sleep in or not. Yes, I did consider sleeping longer than necessary. I think I’m in sleep debt.

… And you ask, why doesn’t she just take a nap? Instead of being online? Well, my friend, I simply can’t turn my brain off. Once I’m awake- there’s really no hope of falling asleep again during the day. I have a hard time falling asleep anyways.

I’m getting into [again] I Am The Movie , it’s so much poppier than Commit This To Memory, so it’s easier to like, but then again, I know Commit This To Memory by heart, and I hardly know I Am The Movie, at least by title.

28503

I talk to myself in this lonesome tone,
of my troubles and fears, thank god I’m alone.
“Nothing’s wrong, it’s just the weather.”
I say that to myself too.
Denial is my friend, but lately, we’ve been having troubles.
The truth is seeping through the back door, and up to the front.
It’s flooding my mind and this place.
Of the incidents and mistakes
that have supported my shortcomings.
Is it a choice to feel confident? To feel in control?
Or is it a choice, to feel so miserable, inept and insecure?
I am not well adjusted. I don’t feel like changing that now.

Nope, this isn’t one of my favorites. It’s easier to write about a passion, not of being sad. You’d think it’d be the other way around.

More time apart will give you, a few more months to argue.

All righty.

Today equaled:
12 minute swedish jog.
yoga.
studying for our test tomorrow, on goal setting and frisbee. I hate PE. Or maybe I’m just being cynical.

I’m thinking of making another dress [yes, I was that satisfied, that I decided to give it another go.]. Now I can do some modding, and see what I can come up with. I’m thinking of a button up front, instead of lace up. But that’s just a thought. The waistband will be green and the dress itself will be light purple/blue.

I don’t have much to write about- it doesn’t help that I’m in a really bad mood. Or a really sad mood. Whichever one is a more effective euphemism.

- I have no control over the things that happen in my life. This illusion that I have [or we all have.] that life is supposedly full of freedom here in the united states, and being young is so great- I have finally bypassed. I don’t have any freedom. I have to be so careful in asking what I want. I have to ask a week or two in advance so I’ll have the slightest opportunity to go out.
- My dad tells me that I should hang out with my friends more. I went out twice last week, the only time in the whole summer, and I am told that I am selfish- and that I am asking of too much. I did what he asked of me, he said that I should have fun. I never asked before because I knew that it’s such a hassle to even try. It’s ridiculous. It’s a quick drop off- and pick up. I do most of the planning.
- If I’m old enough to be alone by myself at home at night- do the dishes everyday- maintain a three point eight- wake up early- do my chores on the weekend- do my homework everyday- deal with the drama that happens in my head and what sparks it- I should be able to hang out with my friends. I haven’t done anything to make them not trust my judgement. It’s just amazing.

I told you I’m not in the best mood.

Your girlfriends and the rain don’t matter, the sun is what I needed.

Ohh.. God…
IT HIT 107 TODAY IN PASCO!

Can you believe that? We’re by the water, and we are cooler by a mere, fifteen degrees. It’s so freaking hot over here. I can’t imagine being in Pasco. Mrs. Thompson would always talk about she’d hate the other side of Washington because it’s so hot.. oh my god. I don’t know if it was this hot last year. I don’t really want to think about that. Or the fact that I am sweating in places that I don’t like being moist. Like my legs. Legs sweat, I didn’t know that.

Oh, and the Kitsap Regional Library in Bremerton got vandalized. Yes, it did. For the fifth time. I first thought to myself, “Is that library in the ghetto?”, and then I was like, oh, it isn’t. Who would vandalize a library five times?! Why would you need to do something like that? People are just weird.

And, you’re going to love this:
We are now asked to conserve our power. Apparently, in California, they’re using up so much power that they need to schedule blackouts, and these blackouts rotate between regions. The dude on TV said that we’re not that desperate for power, but if we keep using power like we are now and the heat wave keeps going, it might happen.

Yes. I’m watching the news. I watch the news in the morning actually, The Daily Buzz is pretty funny. But they run the same headlines, over and over. Or maybe I’m just not paying attention.

This is the funniest punk thread I have ever read.

And read Bishop’s signature. I love that signature. Or I’ll just post it here.

Originally Posted by actionandaction
You don’t have a profile picture, but judging from what you just said, I can imagine it would look like this:

That gave me a good laugh. But that’s only a little bit of humor off that page.

… I’m not a message board miscreant. Not at all. Three forums, AP, Nexus and Craftster, not bad, right? I’m not that active on ap, but I’m gaining!

You said the rain’s the rain, some air’d be good for you.

I want to start out this entry with something exciting. I need to be somewhat stimulated. I love being in situations where stimuli is everywhere. And that’s where I want to be right now.

So, Riza and I are supposed to hang out sometime on Friday- we’re still figuring out the details, but I don’t mind. Her boyfriend might come, but really, they’re not annoying me that much anymore. Her boyfriend is somewhat funny- and that’s enough for me to stop giving him such a hard time. Just as long as there’s someone else for me to fall back on, just in case Riza and her boyfriend get together, and leave me out. I’m sorry- but being the third wheel is not fun at all.

Today, I think I didn’t take enough protein, because my syn was going crazy today. I found out that I have all these different kinds, but I was too busy doing something else, that I didn’t pay much attention to it. My mind was going everywhere, it is now, but I can’t put my finger to it. Oh well- today was a great day, full of colors. It made me really happy. I had much more fun today, compared to my other days, and I think my synesthesia really helped!

So, today we played a game of football basketball. Really, that’s the game. Basically- you substitute a basketball with a football, and play basketball. It’s a weird game. And I ended up in a team of all guys, so I got three passes. Three. At least the guy I like, was the person to throw them to me. That made me happy.

I just read this thread, where someone was disappointed that their workplace doesn’t allow internet to be used on their computers! I was thinking about it and I was like, I’d like to be on the internet all day. I guess that’s because I have a time limit. But then I kept thinking about it and I was like, if all you do is be online, while you work, then what are they paying you for? What kind of jobs would let an employee use the internet all day? I don’t know- I’ve never had a job. I guess I’ll see what happens when I do.

Today has been such an odd day too. It’s like this:
At some time during the day, everyday, I just kind of lose my balance. It’s like, my eyes get all cloudy with hues of orange and green and red [sometimes, if it's real early, it's red and purple] and I lose my balance a little, it clouds up my vision and everything. [I don't think it has anything to do with syn, seriously, it's normal, right? It's been happening to me as long as I can remember. But I'm starting to question it, after this happened.] So today, my dog decided to drink out of the toilet and I went to the bathroom to close the lid, and right after I closed it, I lost my balance, like I normally do. But this time, my body got all stiff, and I started shaking violently [I hate using that word to describe something- but it's the only one I can come up with.]. My vision got all cloudy and I couldn’t see anything, I almost completely fell down, actually.

It scared me so much. I have no idea of what I’m going to do about it, because I’m afraid it’ll happen again in summer school, or anytime, really. I had no control over what was happening- I couldn’t move, gosh, it was one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me. What if there is really something wrong with me? And I admit- this has happened a couple of times before- but it’s never been this bad. [I'm not even sure if I'm going to really tell anybody. Nobody really reads my blog, I think, so it won't be much of a deal.]

I wonder what we’re going to do tomorrow. Summer school PE is not that fun. It doesn’t help that I like a guy in the class- it makes me feel like everything I do is awkward. I couldn’t even relax during our guided relaxation. So, half the time my eyes were open. I broke the relaxing rules- I don’t care.

“you are walking along a soft sandy beach.”
… I made friends with a pelican. Guided relaxation is so weird. It’s not that I’m being close-minded, because I’m not, it’s just that the voice gives us instructions, and she just stops for like five minutes, then she keeps going. I get stressed out because I’m afraid that I’ll be left behind. So, I can’t relax through guided relaxation. It’s not much of a help that I can’t sit still- I was twitching like crazy, honestly.

I’d say it but I’m sure you knew

Oh god.. It’s so hot over here. Seriously- I cannot express in words how hot it is. Sure, it’s warmer in other places. But I can’t imagine the inferno they are dealing with. Honestly.

.. And days like this are perfect days to sit around and do nothing.
I, of course, did the opposite.

I am about seventy five percent finished with the dress with the pretty fabric right now- I have to hem it, and put in the eyelets, and it’s all good to go! Now, all I have to do is find an occasion to wear it. Maybe, Riza wouldn’t mind hanging out with me next weekend. I would not mind going with her boyfriend- and I’m sure she won’t either. Maybe she’d return my proposal with an agreement, and a fourth invite.. You know who. XD I wouldn’t invite him. lol, the thought makes me feel like laughing, so I’ll write this here for the first time: haha.

You can tell that I’m warming up to Riza’s boyfriend. No pun intended. He’s not that bad, I guess. Just as long as they don’t get all honky tonk around me, I’m perfectly fine! Riza’s happy, so I should be too.

LA!

Oh, and you know my perfect, non-burned hand? Well, it’s not so perfect anymore. I’m new to using my rotary cutter, you know that. So, today, I cut my index finger three times, with varying degrees of severity. And of course, I bled. And yes, it hurts. At least my nails look really pretty.

So, the Nexus is back up, and AP is down for a few minutes. I’m mad. I love everyone at the nexus, but I love everyone at AP too, so it really sucks that I can have one, but not the other. I told you that I’m not loved by heh-soos.

I’m going upstairs where the air conditioner is. It’s really hot down here.

She’d stay the night, but knows he doesn’t care.

It’s nine ten. I told you I get online at nine!

I’m listening to my awesome soco b-sides. I feel so cool. I have “I Want To Save You” [acoustic],”Heroine” [it's an earlier version of Punk Rock Princess, but seriously- it's called Heroine], “I Woke Up In A Car”[acoustic], and 21 & Invincible, also acoustic. My “real” b-sides are “Anything Anything”, “Come Down”, “Sell The Frame”, “High And Dry”, and Konstantine which is live. I feel so cool.

What do I have planned today?
I can actually use my pretty fabric to make that dress. I’d take a picture of that one instead [and after I shave my legs.. I'd hate to post a picture of my dress, and you all will be totally turned off by my stubbly ol' legs.]. lol. It’s really awesome. I came downstairs to show my family and they were like “You made that?”, sure, they probably said it just to make me feel good, but it totally worked, my ego is like, a hundred and fifty percent. Too bad I can’t show it off to my crush- he has to see me in my crappy PE uniform. Not cool.

.. But the fabric that I originally intended on using, I still like it but..
I realized that I do, indeed, have other fabrics in my bin. And, I admit, some would look better as that dress. I have this thing where I am afraid of using up my fabric, because I’m afraid I’ll want to use it for something else in the future! Ah! It’s really annoying me. I’ll just close my eyes as I cut that fabric… XD

Oh, and I discovered the usefulness of rotary cutters. I just can’t cut curves with them [ironic.]. It’s more fun to cut the fabric with my rotary cutters, because I don’t have to worry about having it all jagged and yucky.

.. You guys can tell, that I was thinking about the dress all night long. Seriously. It always happens with my sewing projects!

After this project, I’m going to make a similar dress [ I really like my pattern I made, it's easy to adjust! ] only with buttons going down the front. Ah, you’ll see. When dad puts up the pictures on the computer.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer.

Am I awesome? I mean way awesome? I think I am.

I MADE THE MOST AWESOME DRESS IN THE WHOLE FREAKING UNIVERSE!!!

… And, it’s only my practice one. I can’t wait to use my really awesome pretty fabric.

It laces up in the front, the pleats are so perfect and dude, the zipper works! I love love love love love my new practice dress. If only pictures could acompany these past few statements.

oh, and Boys Like Girls are coming out with a new record [or already have?] and I really want to get it. Just because I listed to “Thunder” on PV, but it’s such a great song. Thank god for PV [or purevolume. It sounds cooler, all abbreviated and such.]. I’ll see what it is like.

My favorite song title on the record:
“You, Me, and My Medication”.
I found that title funny, =D

Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody.

Oh bother, I love that dress. Anthropologie has some awesome stuff, but I would never consider buying their things. Too expensive- but really great stuff to look at for inspiration!!

You can’t get a really good view from this one, so if you want to get a better look, go here I like how you can zoom in and out on their stuff.

I’ve been into jackets lately, for some odd reason. If there’s one on tv, then I just think about it. I guess it’s because of the use of buttons [I'm obsessed with buttons now. Interesting.]

I would love to use the detail in the middle, on a dress.

I have always loved sweaters. I guess it’s because I’m one of those people who are almost always cold. That’s what happens when you’re surrounded by rain and evergreen trees.

See? I haven’t totally lost sight of the use of graphics to make my blog interesting. I have been looking forward to adding real pictures from my camera- and that’s partially, why I’ve been putting off pictures. Because I am actually, very proud of the pictures I took of Seattle, and Old Towne!

How come everyone else’s fabric looks so much better than my fabric? I should take a picture of my fabric stash- so you can be the judge. A corner of my room has been conquered by all the fabric I’ve been accomodating through the magic of thrifting XD

I’ve managed to get some awesome b-sides from something corporate- but I have yet had the chance to listen to them. It includes acoustics and live songs.

The phone rang right now, and I put my hand to my head. The phone rings far too much for me. And I feel bad when I’m on the phone for too little of a time. It’s just not satisfying. So yes, I stay on the phone for hours on end, and I can’t be the one who hangs up first. It’s the guilt, I swear.

Did you know that on the navigation bar, under search, you can see random blogs? I found out about it last night, I was having quite fun with it, too bad I had to go to bed.

Hopefully you enjoyed this blog- I might write more later.

Many will answer but few will win, so please be sure to read the fine print.

I always get online at around nine in the morning, I’m starting to learn. It’s nine twenty five.

I really want to make that dress.. I hope I’ll get it done today!

It’s getting really warm now. We actually have a fan upstairs and downstairs, and air conditioners in our bedrooms. We’re prepared for this kind of weather!

Anabel called me yesterday when I was all by myself in the house and it was weird- I never talk to her. I had no idea of what to talk about, so it was just awkward. This resulted in a twenty minute phone call.

It was around nine last night when I ate dinner- I never eat dinner that late. I was just heading to bed and mom and dad pulled up.

Calvin had to sleep in my room last night, and I was asleep, and he was licking his paw all night, I guess. His paw is bleeding and he has a cone on his head! It really sucks because he can’t move around with it on without bumping into something, and we can’t go around him since it’s so big.

If you could be my punk rock princess, I would be your garage band king.

I talked to teagan like twice today on the phone, for a very long time, and allie too. I think I’m losing my voice- seriously.
.. And I got invited to a sleepover! I can’t go, =(

And yes, it is very hot over here. One would think that if you’re surrounded by trees AND water, you’d be pretty cool. That notion was one of the stupidest ideas I have ever come up with.

So, I’ve been downloading some awesome b-sides and rarities. Too bad I already have most of the ones I have downloaded. Seriously. I didn’t even think they were rare. But apparently they are. And it sucks- since it takes forever to download from someone else’s upload. Especially if it is 145 MB. Yes. I am currently downloading SoCo’s b-sides and rarities and it is on a compressed file- it’s still taking forever. I tried this morning, and that didn’t work at all. Ugh, it’s such a downer.

At least it’s the weekend.

you know I’m bad at calling you, the best way to extend, the lonely words “I miss you”

it’s nine ten in the morning- I love knowing that I’m here, instead of being in class.

Oh, “Playing Favorites” by The Starting Line is the best song ever. I love that song- I’ve been listening to it so much lol.

Last night I downloaded some awesome unreleased SoCo songs, and three music videos from SoCo, “Punk Rock Princess”, “I Woke Up In A Car”, and “Space”.

This morning I woke up, made the greasiest potatoes ever [Yum! XD] and my famous cream cheese and sugar toast. I went downstairs and got a water bottle from the fridge and got online. Best way to start the day - an unhealthy breakfast followed by sitting down. But hey, I’m so sore, I deserve this!

So, what should I do today? I’m thinking of putting together my swap package for real [I keep putting it off! I had the same problem with homework] and work on my dress, hopefully.

It’s a faster growing greed, flows through these leaves.

XD, I was kind of having a fun little game going on with myself. The last couple of entries, if you read the subject titles, it’s the lyrics of “Baby Blue” by the early november. I’ve been wanting to post an entire song for a while. Just note that the parts that are repeated [like the chorus] I didn’t write down more than once. It ends at “But nothing’s been so hard for me, to let you do, to let you go”. lol

I tried napping today. And, as expected, I couldn’t. I just can’t turn my brain off. It’s annoying. I am so exhausted, I have never felt exhaused this much in my life. I’m just very stressed out. And overwhelmed, and sore, it’s so hard. I have so many obligations. It overwhelms me so much. I want to do all these things, like craft, but I can’t find the time to. I don’t know how the day goes by. I honestly have no clue.
And yet I spend no leisurely time. I am constantly on edge, constantly worrying if I have something I need to do. The clock isn’t helping me either. I am a clock-watcher. I turn my clock off at night so I can sleep peacefully. And then I end up waking up at like five thirty, because I’m worried that I’ll be late to school. After I wake up, there’s no point in trying to fall back asleep.

I’m happy with my friends. I don’t have [big] boy problems at the time. My parents constantly talk to me about the chores that I have to do, or what I’ve done wrong. And I think to myself, why can’t I do it right the first time like everyone else? My mom has the same thing that I do, and she doesn’t even act like it when she’s telling me to do something. She does point it out, however, when I tell her about it. It’s ridiculous- if she can’t do it, then I can’t. It’s that simple. Don’t tell me to do something that you can’t do yourself.

I should be posting some pictures soon. I have the camera right here, so I’ll try and get dad to upload them to the computer. I had fun taking pictures on Tuesday.
My ipod needs to recharge. I want to make the dress I’ve been planning on. I want to make riza a thank you present because of the present she got me [awesome cow oven mitts, so I won't burn myself again, and some new bakeware. I love it!]. I want to self-indulge. I think I need a break. I want to sleep. I want to take a day off. I want to go out. I want to stay home. I need to repaint my toenails [yeah, I did chip the black polish off, I was bored]. I need to get my swap package together [even though I know what I'm sending. I'm thinking of sending my partner some extra stuff that I didn't tell her about, she said surprises are nice.]. I want to talk to him more. I want to know him better. I need to sort things out. I need more time to sort things out. I feel like I really need someone to talk to [it's either you're reading. Talking to your boyfriend. Not listening. Or doing something else.]. I really want to get away. I really want to just think all day long. I don’t want to be interrupted anymore.

I have, I try, I guess we’ll be all right

Today has been interesting.

I am really sore. Tennis, and yoga. And that’s it. I am still very very sore. That darn pink color! XD It is with me, every time I move because it hurts!!!

My crush has gotten at its height- this dude is so cool. He listens to the music that I do, and he has the same kind of sense of humor that I do. The music thing was pretty big- I hope to god that he’s not a mainstreamer- I swear if he is, I will not have this crush anymore.

Ugh, I have to do dishes. There aren’t that many.

Last night I made up a plan for a new dress- it’s going to be so cute. I have the basic idea, now I just need to go into details like the measurements and stuff. Which is pretty awesome. I just don’t know when I’m going to be cutting into my fabric.. I always feel bad cutting into fabric! It’s going to be blueish purple, and the waistband is going to be green. It’s an odd combination, but I think it’ll look awesome =D

I do try, I got a line, for you from me, better nice.

Three entries, what a treat?
I really hate pop-under windows. My pop-up software does not prevent such a thing- could you believe it.

Boy, I wish I knew more people. At least better guys than I do now. Because I read about all these amazing people, and they are so out of reach, and I’m thinking, why don’t I have people in my life like this? Then it all goes back to, yes, him. Two years now. Gosh, it’s that sad. I always think about it when I have a new crush. Not that it stops me.

I’m in the worst mood. Everything annoys me. I have been in the worst mood. I’m not sugary sweet. I should be, but I have been very blunt, and I can’t stand anyone for more than five minutes. And yes, it is my time of the month. I mess up and I want to bring up PMS, and if I happen to do so [once] they say that I should control it. How can I control it? It’s like being drugged. It’s stupid. It makes everything look so bad. I have extreme highs and lows. Not only on my period. But it’s worse when I don’t take those twenty milligrams.

I’m sore. Really sore. Then mom and dad want me to clean the kitchen. Being sore isn’t an excuse. It’s stupid. I really don’t want to be here right now. It’s annoying. I just want to cry.