Atlanta started writing on me and teenage love was underground

It is now five fifty three. I’ll try and make this as short and sweet as I can- it’s probably going to be late when you read this [yes, you.]

I still love SoCo, She Paints Me Blue is what I am listening to RIGHT now. Love how that works out into my blog!!

La la lie.

21 and invincible is what I am listening to NOW!!
woo.

I did my spanish project.. Eh.. It was okay I guess.
I was bored, so everyone else was too. TWENTY TWO FULL SLIDES! you’d be bored too, I GUARANTEE IT.

Hmm.. What else happened? Wow, I talk to myself in my own blog. This is cool, eh?

Aw, aw, adultery.

So it is six o’clock exactly.
I kind of finished my petticoat. I just need to put the waistband on.. And on the skirt itself. Pretty hot, if I could say so myself.

I love you; 5763.
<333

I finally know now what I should have known then- you’re waving goodbye but at least youre having fun

Yesterday was IT just like I said it would be, really radical.

The movie was fun- it was pretty funky but hey, when you’re with friends, you always have fun.. I should write some greeting cards instead of making skirts for myself.

We went to Joann’s after- and I got everything I needed to finish my skirt and to start my petticoat. I also got the prettiest lace ever.. It is so pretty.
I used my coupons yesterday at Joann’s and saved myself five dollars.. An extra five to spend at Joann’s later.

I want to go to a thrift store now.. Demands, demands. If only I could drive. Thrift stores are actually very beneficial for cheap crafters like myself- the fabrics are cheap, the buttons are cheap, heck, they might even have a thing of bottle caps so I don’t have to wait around for them.

It is hard to believe once more- I’ve wasted a whole weekend. But, I have finally downloaded all of those Something Corporate songs that I totally love right now.. Something Corporate= Jack’s Mannequin= Andrew McMahon!!!

It is now eight forty nine and the sun isn’t out yet.. I guess it isn’t that close to summer. But in calendar speak- it is- because the date reads may twenty-ninth. How can this be? The sun needs to be shining more.. At least for me because [Remember?] I’m the freaking sun-shine girl.

Fuse is now having the number one countdown for the summer, but it’s a year old.. Which is good since it is showing the soundtrack of my summer! Very very good.

I spent a total of five minutes on this entry- expect another one pretty soon- I blog when I get bored. [As you can see.]

I love you ; 5763

I finally know now what I should have known then- you’re waving goodbye but at least youre havingfun

It is now almost five fifty.. I had so much homework and it is indeed done. Very good. I am so proud of myself.

Something Corporate is currently my favorite band.. Oh my god. Now I see why everyone was mad when AP said that they broke up.. It was false.

Something Corporate is on hiatus of course- all the great bands are. Andrew McMahon obviously called the hiatus because of his cancer.. Andrew’s blog is so depressing. He’s very sad about his illness. He was talking about how he “celebrated” the anniversary of his diagnosis, and he never celebrates anniversaries much. It was sad- but he is happy that he is healthy enough to tour, and record and stuff. He is so inspiring!

Lalalalala.. Listen to Ruthless by soco.. or something corporate..
I love you; 5763

Scottsdale Sweets and a psychiatric retreat

Yesterday was IT just like I said it would be, really radical.

The movie was fun- it was pretty funky but hey, when you’re with friends, you always have fun.. I should write some greeting cards instead of making skirts for myself.

We went to Joanns after- and I got everything I needed to finish my skirt and to start my petticoat. I also got the prettiest lace ever.. It is so pretty.
I used my coupons yesterday at Joanns and saved myself five dollars.. An extra five to spend at Joann’s later.

I want to go to a thrift store now.. Demands, demands. If only I could drive. Thrift stores are actually very beneficial for cheap crafters like myself- the fabrics are cheap, the buttons are cheap, heck, they might even have a thing of bottle caps so I don’t have to wait around for them.

It is hard to believe once more- I’ve wasted a whole weekend. But, I have finally downloaded all of those Something Corporate songs that I totally love right now.. Something Corporate= Jack’s Mannequin= Andrew McMahon!!!

It is now eight forty nine and the sun isn’t out yet.. I guess it isn’t that close to summer. But in calendar speak- it is- because the date reads may twenty-ninth. How can this be? The sun needs to be shining more.. At least for me because [Remember?] I’m the freaking sun-shine girl.

Fuse is now having the number one countdown for the summer, but it’s a year old.. Which is good since it is showing the soundtrack of my summer! Very very good.

I spent a total of five minutes on this entry- expect another one pretty soon- I blog when I get bored. [As you can see.]

I love you ; 5763

You don’t wanna be here in the future, you say the present is a pleasant interruption to the past

today is going to be THE day out of this weekend consisting of three.
I’m going to Joann’s today- finally. I am also going to a movie [Over the Hedge.. Don't ask] with Allie and Debbie. It’ll be oodles of fun.

it is heavily sprinking outside- the rain is nolonger transparent- it is indeed white. But it’s sprinkling..

I need to make a shopping list.
I am going to make myself a petticoat to go under all these skirts that I make. It is going to be so cute. I wouldn’t have the canacas or cajones to wear the petticoat by itself.

It looks cuter than it sounds.
I am going to buy some tulle, and then I am buying lace, of course. I am thinking off putting lace on the tulle itself.. I love lace and tulle.. I can never have enough.
.. But of course. I need some money. I have around ten dollars. I am also thinking of making myself a wallet. I need a new wallet, and I need to put my scrap fabric to use! I can use my leftover fabric from my other skirts, and it would turn out just lovely, no?

I am currently in love with Something Corporate. Konstantine is currently my favorite song, it is so clever and cute.. I want to marry a rock star.

Do you think that I could be a good rock star?
Singing to the crowds and breaking down those bars
between the bunnies and the rainbows
making up songs about nothing
just like I do with blogs, and yet I never truly have anything to show
Writing about all this angst and truthfulness that you will only know
Let’s get this started for real because that is what I am
PARTY!!

rofl. I have no idea too.
You didn’t read that- I wouldn’t either! hah!

It is eleven fifteen.. I’d better take a shower.. Today is my day, today is our day..
because it is the twenty eighth- Almost a year and two weeks since I decided to walk.
.. And yet I miss him. [it's so cliche and I probably don't even mean it- I just miss talking to him- he was always such a good guy and his reputation surely hasn't changed ever since I decided to walk away- I never even explained it to him. We haven't talked about it in the conversations that we actually had- I have been avoiding it and he probably has too- we are so much alike. We have the same thing, but he doesn't have my syn. His schedule is too filled up with running around and with purposely failing his classes that he doesn't get online anymore. Sure, I could try and use those digits that he left in my planner for the fortieth time- I don't even need to look in the planner, I still remember his pink and purple numbers that I would dial almost everyday for five months. _______ Those numbers would be a joy for me to dial everyday, after we started talking we would keep at it for almost two or three or even five hours. One time he tried to set his driveway on fire- while we were on the phone. I tried to act all girlfriend-like, and yet I couldn't pull it off. His brother got on the phone and said "don't expect your boyfriend to come to school tomorrow, He'll call you from the emergency room", of course he was kidding.]

I love you; 5763.

Am I your favorite thing on the west coast?

I am listening to Jack’s Mannequin- I still love them. Do you have any idea how many songs I have in my library?
Six hundred and ninety nine.. But that was after I deleted stuff- not to say that I had a million there before- I’m not that rich.

My Ipod Nano holds five hundred…
So, almost two hundred songs that I don’t really get to listen to enough.
I don’t listen to Blink that much anymore, and that takes up most of my ipod space.. But I can’t bring myself to delete those. I don’t think I ever will…
And plus. I need to listen and rock out to blink this summer! But what sucks is.. The colors of their songs are duller, since I know all of the songs by heart! Seriously, I do! I have to put the music up pretty loud so the colors are brighter.. I don’t know how that works. The colors don’t get dramatically brighter, but it’s just a little newer, you know?

Can you guys believe, that I was stuck with MP3 disks for the past two summers? And this year I have a nano? I would have never ever expected this two summers ago.. Three summers ago. lol

Mom is supposed to bring me to Joann’s today. I hope we do! I need new stuff!!! I need more lace, tulle, I need to check out that polka dot fabric!!!
Woah, exclamation points.

My punctuation has color too..
Question marks- purple
periods- just black.. lol
Quotation marks- pink
single quotation marks- yellow
parenthesis- like, manila yellow
equal sign- green
plus sign- burgundy
dash- white
oh, but SUBTRACTION SIGN- yellowish green
asterisk- sparkly purple [but, you knew that already, doesn't everyone see asterisks like that? I've always thought so]

At least some people find this interesting. It takes alot of work to put the colors into words! It’s like, you have an idea set up perfectly in your mind, but you have to explain it to somebody to show how good it is, but it’s either you can’t put it into words or you forget it all together, you know?
And half the time, these colors I see, are colors that you would never see in real life, so I have to describe them like purplish-orange. It’s like theres a transparent screen of color, on top of another, and I have to pull them apart to put them into words.

Words have gender too. Like, sock is boy, windows are girls, scroll bars are girls, chemistry is a boy, a dictionary is a boy, but thesaurus’ are girls.

Gosh, before I thought I was at least kind of normal. Before, it was just color-number, color-letter. But now:
color-number
color-letter
color-smell
color-sound
color-pain
gender- word
time- syn
number line- syn
Sight- sound [very little.]
personality- color
emotion-syn
color-touch/sensation

Do you have any idea how alien I feel? Nobody knows how I “see the world” or they don’t have my “gift”.
No matter how much interest someone has in my syn, or how much they tell me it’s special- I still feel like an alien and I still don’t feel normal. Sure, I’m a teen. It is assumed that I am supposed to be this way. But the people who assume this don’t have syn, or _________/ _______ /________

I love you; 5763.

I’m calling out to the astronaut, I need some of what you’ve got

Hmm.
Mom and dad decided to go watch the Da Vinci Code.. I don’t have much interest in the movie since I hardly understand what it is about.
I am now listening to Something Corporate. I am getting more and more into them. It’s good.
I don’t have much to talk about- I’m just blogging to get stuff here. And for you to read.
So, Do I like David? I think so. Amber was saying that I am obsessed with him.. That is not totally true. Right?
I would be obsessed with him if he were to find out about my syn and believe me. Even better- if he had it too. I want someone to relate to about my syn. I feel like such an alien because nobody else I know, has this too. I want to talk to someone about my syn openly because we both know what we are talking about. If only I had a way to get it out there and become friends with other synesthetes. That is another thing to add to the list of people I want to meet. Someone who has syn. The thought makes me feel a juicy reddish pink that you cannot believe.
Saying stuff like this could get me institutionalized.

I promise you- David is the only person I have.. Affections for. I guess. Today the funniest thing happened when I got back.. But that will have to wait for another day. But it involves him, Jeff, and an umbrella. Sodomy does not come into the picture here at all. The state looks down on things like that.

As always, I love you; 5763.

23

It is now four thirteen.

Today has been a day full of red anticipation, pink excitement, and thirty seconds of sadness.

To start with the red and pink:
We went to Azteca today as a reward for our lengthy study of the language of Spanish. You know everyone chose Spanish for this one day. It was tons of fun- me and amber and Amelia and jimmy all hung out the whole time. But the sidewalk was far too skinny- Amber and Jimmy in front- me and Amelia in the back. We got there and talked for about half and hour and we ordered our food, talked some more and waited once more, and then we received our drinks. Talk-wait-talk- then we got our food. Talk-eat-talk-eat- Halfway through, we are given our desserts. Me and Amber shared sopapillas, it was pretty good- if only gringos did not produce this.
On the way back it started to sprinkle. Me and jimmy in front-Amber Amelia in the back. Then Amber and Jimmy in front, me and Amelia in back, and then for the rest of the trip- Me and Amber in the back, Amelia and Jimmy in front. We got back to school at the designated time, and me and jimmy left our bags in phimister’s space before we left. We got back and then that was about it. I had to do this quiz thing for phimisters. I finished it, and then we did DBQs!

I got home and it was raining. Rain is supposed to be a bad omen, and yet I find my feelings for rain nothing but sparkly mango-pink.

I told Amelia, Amber, and Jimmy all about my syn. They all found it interesting. I actually went into detail about it. They all found it fascinating. I don’t think Jimmy believes me.
It amazes me how the people I expect to believe me- the people who mean alot to me- think I am making this up. How can people be so ignorant? I am not being silly. I am not trying to get attention. I am not trying to be different. At least I know who I can trust and who I can’t- The people who believe me and find it somewhat interesting.

.. I get home and I talk to Amber online and then Allie. It turns out, Amber, Megan Markle, Jimmy, James and John are all having this confirmation party. I felt bad because I wasn’t invited. I feel so childish. I don’t want to go into detail, really..

Thank god it is the weekend. I wouldn’t be able to live if it were Thursday.
Oh, I love you. 5763.

I believe in medication, I believe in therapy and I believe in crystal light, because I believe inme

Well.
I will officially admit here- on my lonesome blog- that I am jealous.

overhearing the “I love you”’s is starting to get to me
.. And then I hear “I love you more”.
It doesn’t help that it is chat speak- and they are the only ones who talk to each other. So, they sound illiterate- and it gives me even more to criticize.
I don’t like doing this- you may think it helps but I am wiser than I look- this is hurting me more than it is helping.
It also doesn’t help that:
A. I liked him so much at the beginning of the year.
B. The guy I currently like- doesn’t like me back. I’m also admitting that too.

Just hearing them talk like that gets me in a bad mood. I shouldn’t care. I should not have read that.

I love you anyways.
5763.

.. And I probably won’t talk much to him tomorrow. I know this isn’t helping me either. But I won’t tell him why- give him hints why- because it is stupid to do. And it won’t help me. And, I probably won’t ever tell anyone this ever. Seriously. This is something I will probably take to my grave. Maybe. Except for you, blog reader. Love being my confidante.

I shouldn’t care. I know I shouldn’t.

If you’ve ever felt like a ghost- you’d know how it feels.
If you’ve ever wanted to hurt somebody but couldn’t do it because you happen to be friends- you’d know.

My best dress and dying to impress

It is now almost four twenty- we did a quiz in fourth and I was so rushed at the end of the period.. Gosh. Not fair on so many levels. At least I managed to finished it.. After the final bell rang.

We are supposed to go to King’s Wok today.. I’m already in my jammies and I don’t feel like going…

I want to wear my best dress- but I am still dying to impress
in these tacky shorts and this grey tee
and we have to dance to this southern symphony
“Touch here” by the instructions given by the forty-something
And everyone listens to these with teenage anticipation
And right after we talk about our partners, with a paradox “congratulations”
We talk with such importance and grace
about stupid people trying to lace.

Either way it goes- I love you- 5763
<333

Stick around because this is televised, and there is no aftershow.

All right, lets get the beats pumping in the key of happy!

So, this week has consisted of dancing with numerous teenage boys [or almost teenage], taking quizzes, being excited over nothing and almost losing my colors and being scared. Who wouldn’t want to be interested in things so scandalous such as this?

So, I danced with the boy with the aubergine voice, so far for everyday this week. He isn’t that talkative. And he isn’t that forceful. He is supposed to lead- and I end up leading? Is that good or bad? Only the devil knows..

My partner kept getting subbed out. Why me? I would rather dance with one guy consistently, compared to dancing with three or four guys. I ended up dancing with Aaron Brogden today. He smelled like girl perfume. And like garlic. Ironic? yes. Interesting? Not really. This is really, just filler. Jimmy counted how many mistakes Aaron made- sixteen.

And I danced with a dude that looked like Napoleon Dynamite! That’s truly a tale to remember.

Hmm..
I had a headache yesterday, and it was really bad. My head stopped hurting by fourth but gosh.. My colors were almost gone! I don’t get how a headache could make them go away! My colors have only went away for a few times in my life.

You know how I said how I want to see what it is like not to have them? I guess I lied. I hated it. I felt so empty. I hated it so much, oh my god.
.. and I couldn’t see his voice while we were dancing.

But, after I got my colors back, it was so great! I only got my emotion-syn back, but it’s ok. I was laughing so much and I had the most perfect neon pinkish-maroon feeling! If only I could describe it on here!

It is now eight twenty six. I should head to bed- and figure out what I want to wear tomorrow! Oh, the options. Hmm..
It’ll probably rain tomorrow, since god hates me.
We finished watching 24 AND my favorite character is back and ready to kick some terrorist butt! Michelle Dessler is my favorite character ever! ohmygod! I feel like such a teeny bopper!

Today me and allie were clapping our hands together real hard, just to see how it would hurt and after that I was like, “Wow, it feels all sparkly! Don’t you feel that allie?” And Jimmy was there and he was like, how can you feel sparkly on your hands??

And I was talking to Teagan and we were talking about how we don’t like the sound of computers when they are on, you know that high-pitched sound? I accidentally put my hands up to show how it looked.. I didn’t mean to! I drew a narrow strip in the air, I’m happy she didn’t catch it.
It’s so embarrassing when I talk about my syn accidentally. It’s ok if I’m talking about it on purpose, but I hate it when it slips out. And after it slips out, I can’t stop or take it back! ugh. It’s so hard! I’ve had this problem before- but that was before I found out that nobody knew what I was talking about.

I love you. 5763.
This is now the end of my entry!
[that rhymes.. And I wanted it to.]
<333

So, let’s turn this room into a pirate ship.

it is now ten fifty one. I have about another hour on here until I start doing my chores.
Last night I had a dream where we were in miss garrisons room, and she was talking about selling stuff on ebay, and we were like, okay, and then she sent us to the backroom and she had a huge display of cakes! She said we could have one each, but the bell rang and we all left, but allie came in and we started talking to each other like we hadn’t seen each other in months, and we hugged, it was weird. If you aren’t familiar with me and allie’s friendship, you wouldn’t know that we are not really huggy or anything. we never hug each other unless we haven’t seen each other in a long time, or if we just fought and we are trying to patch things up. I’ve had this dream twice, the first time I had it was last year while we were fighting. It’s weird, me and allie never hug, but my other friends and I hug all the time.

It is ten fifty five right now, and I just got over this downloading frenzy. I am in need of listening to new music, and now that need has been fulfilled. I downloaded quite a bit, all though going to purevolume. I love purevolume. lol

I want to make something, I have been saying this for weeks. My other project that I was working on, I quit. So I wasted fabric. Again. I don’t know if I’m going to make a dress or a skirt. I have lace now, and I want to make a certain dress…
I want to make it but it will take up alot of fabric.. And I don’t have any tulle and I don’t know if I would even wear it..

My skirt that I made a while back- I have only worn once. I don’t know what to do now. I just don’t do skirts, really. I wear them sometimes. Just not alot of the time unless I really like it.

Gosh, school tomorrow. I hate how the weekend goes by so quickly. I was hoping to wake up this morning at eight, watch power fuse with the air conditioner on, and then eat breakfast at nine.

It all got messed up when I realized that power fuse is on only on Saturdays, and I woke up at nine.

You know why I wanted to do that? To re-enact summer, my friends. In the summer, that is how I wake up everyday. I stay in my room most of the summer watching Fuse. For the past two summers, that is how I would spend my summer. And with another excellent addition- Blink 182 is constantly on Fuse. Loaded, 100 percent, you name it- they are almost always on there. But this year, I don’t think that is going to happen because they have been broken up for a year now- they are not going to get back together and I am admitting that to myself- they are not going to be reunited. And I’m okay with that, they are still involved in the music industry, Mark’s podcast also helps me get though this “tough time”.

I love the way I spend my summers. But the sad thing is- I probably won’t spend my summer like that this year because I am going to be doing summer school PE. That means waking up early, getting home at noon. Sure, Power Fuse might be on. But still.

You know what my soundtrack of my summer was last year? Most of it is indeed, mainstream stuff, but still:
Motion City Soundtrack
Franz Ferdinand [because it was always on TV]
The Killers, for the reason^^

I would listen to Motion City Soundtrack while I read Harry Potter.. lol. If it was at home or in the car- that is what I would be listening to.

I also read harry potter constantly. I read it while I cooked [I always made potato soup last summer, and it would have to simmer for forty minutes, and I would be reading during those forty minutes]!

I also watched Daria all the time. For the past two summers, that is what I would watch while I wasn’t reading/listening to music/etc.

These last two summers have been great. I loved my summers. Before, I would have nothing to do. Now I have tons to do. And I will be able to hang out with most of my friends this summer in summer school!

You know my emotions during the summer?
I think of black graffiti for some reason…
Maybe because that is how Blink’s untitled CD cover looks like.

I would have to say that record, is the record that changed my life. that sounds funny.

I love you. 5763.
<33

It’s (insert day here), I’m in love.

We went to McChord today AND I managed to score some rad fabric, lace and buttons.
Yes you are correct- I am planning on designing another garment for myself! Gasp-

So this is a day just like any other..
Let’s try and shake it up a bit and put on some new beats- I am currently downloading some Moneen songs.. Gosh I hope they aren’t screamo. That would just ruin everything. And it would NOT shake it up- it would shake it down, and that is too inappropriate for this virgin blog. OKAYYY!

I want to try and stencil some clothes of mine.. If only I had the equipment AND the expertise! rofl.

it is now six forty in the afternoon and the weekend is slipping away too soon. Sure, I have one more day, but that means one more day to school.. Eek.. If only I didn’t have PE. If I didn’t, I would be more than happy to attend my place of education with my fellow colleagues.

“Why aren’t you wearing gray today?”
“I’m just plain no good..?”

I actually have musical traditions in my head. It’s like, Summer is NOT summer if I do not listen to Blink. Winter is NOT winter if I do NOT listen to the Academy Is.. I’m thinking right now Spring is NOT spring unless I listen to the starting line [I'm thinking this because.. Spring was when I broke up with you know who last year, and I started getting into The Starting Line then. Wow, last year was actually pretty neat.]

You know what I haven’t thought about in a while? SHOP LAST YEAR FOR THE LAST QUARTER! If I did not have that class, I wouldn’t really know Katie Hedrick, and no doubt- I wouldn’t be as close to Lorren  as I am now.. Right? We were already pretty tight, but now we’re like this -Crosses fingers)

I have been a punk rocker officiall for two years. This is amazing. I’m going through this nice little timeline in my head right now.. It’s so neat.
I remember last year in shop, I loved it when you could see the sun come in through the windows.. And since we had so much fun, those memories are always pinkish orange. So pretty, really.

.. If only I wasn’t such a wuss around those freaking machines, gosh.

I would have to say, even though last year was totally dramatic, I really wish this year was like last year. Last year, I could tolerate my grades. Last year, block class was close to perfect- we all got along, there weren’t any separated cliques- everyone got along. Last year, I had a boyfriend who liked me and we were pretty cool together. Last year, I had mrs thompson. Last year, all of us [Lorren, Megan, Laurie, Shelley..] hung out together at the same lunch everyday. This year, we are never all together [not counting the mornings, but we never talk in the mornings like we did last year at lunch] and it is even worse on thursdays.

Then again, if it weren’t for this year, I would not have made all these new friends- Amber, Jimmy, Anne-Marie.. I love these people so much. And I would not love my friends from last year nearly as much as I do now. Last year, our ‘group’ meant alot to me- this year it means so much more on so many different levels. If it weren’t for them, I have no idea how I could have gotten through last year and this year. They all make me feel important, and they support me all the time, but they are still very real. I can’t stand the thought of any of us moving away.. That’s depressing.

And last year, I still had Haunter.
But I have to add most importantly- This year I am more confident about my personality. Last year, I was always out of it, I made the worst decisions and acted in the stupidest ways. This year, I am actually happy with the way I am- Mentally.

Wow. I feel all nice and warm right now. I also feel like a shade of white, it’s almost translucent.

Oh, synesthesia, what would I do without you?
Today I was thinking about all the times that I have not experienced syn, and I realized that I have- twice.

.. But it was only because my hamster died on both occasions. No, not the same hamster.

It didn’t really help losing my colors. It made me hurt more. I didn’t know how to describe it at the time- since I thought that this happened to everyone. I just felt very lifeless and that everything else lost its meaning. I felt blind, actually. I stopped reading after Rufus died [first hamster], at least for recreational purposes. I was losing interest in it in the first place, but this really stopped it. It got too boring and I just couldn’t stand how it felt.

Could you imagine hearing a bird chirp without the purple lined rectangles? Or hearing a beep without seeing the electric red dot? I swear. It was annoying, but I couldn’t describe it.

No doubt, the colors came back, thank god. They came back after a few weeks. I lost it because it’s just what happens when something traumatic happens to a synesthete.

I’ve been writing for quite a while- this blog is very personal! I didn’t hope for that to happen but hey, nobody really reads it!

I did my homework, which is good - and we’re going to Azteca on Friday.. clappy time!

I need ten dollars and ninty three cents to pay for my meal. I think it’s weird that we have to pay, since they are treating us! Just kidding. That would be really expensive. But I would expect some sort of discount..??

We finished watching 24, but gosh, I love that show, We are in the fourth season, but I don’t know if I’m going to like this season. I loved the last season- Jack killed Nina! She deserved to die, I swear. She sabotaged everything, locked up CTU’s computer.. ugh she needed to go. And Sherry died too! She deserved it too since she sabotaged Palmer’s life.. but in the fourth season, Michelle Dessler isn’t on there! She’s my favorite character!!! And Tony is gone too, Michelle’s husband.. Gosh, the fourth season is going to suck. I’ll see.

I love you. 5763.
<333

Leave it up to me to mix business with pleasure.

It is now eight twenty six and I am in full control of this computer. If only my mind was fully awake.. If only.

I am now awaiting the arrival of my book that I have recently purchased.. The guy said he sent it out in the thirteenth.. check your calendar and tell me exactly how long that was. I know, I’m tired too and I don’t feel like looking.

Gosh, I am tired. I actually kicked that soccer ball today and it was freaking rad. I could not believe that I was that coordinated.. And we probably are going to switch units anyways.

.. And it is officially confirmed that no, he is not into me. Of course. I knew it anyways. It still kind of sucks, and he knows knows that I like him. This is stupid and way too angsty, eh? I think so ,and you know so.

It is now eight thirty one, we will be going to mcchord tomorrow.. Good. I need new clothes. Desperately. Because the air is getting warmer and I am getting sweatier and these sweatshirts aren’t going to last me through these next few months. Even if the liars tell me that it is going to cool down and we will have “moderate showers”.
It is eight thirty three and I am running out of time online. It’s almost time for me to head to bed anyways.

This is just as sad as watching a soap opera while you are owning someone anyways- and if you aren’t owning them and you are simply hoping.

I love you. 5763.
<333

The phrase that pays.

Today was okay. I did not mean for that to rhyme.

I turned in my very hard-worked on essay final in first, I better get a freaking good grade on it.

Make me feel that teeny-bop sparkle.

[I actually made that up myself. ]

Yesterday sucked. It makes my arms feel like they are drowning to even think about it. That is negative syn for you. It makes me feel too tired to type- and I have been typing for less than five minutes.

Mom and dad saw my Spanish progress report. There was one long line of A’s and one F. On an assigment that had five questions on it. I missed two and a half. Just one F. On a meaningless assignment. And you know what they said?? “Fs on homework are not acceptable.” I did well. I tried hard. I got all A’s on the progress report. All freaking A’s. And one F. I’m not even failing the class. I’m not failing anything. And yet they find something to pick at me for. It’s like, they can’t yell at me for the grade in Geometry. So they find something else to yell at me for. They don’t even care about how I feel anymore, all they care about is the grades. It is so pointless to even tell them about it or to even write it here. It just doesn’t matter.

Thank god tomorrow is friday. Once again, that is the one thing I need to get through the rest of today and tomorrow.

I need to start a skirt or something. I need to fall into the water called work again. I need to feel absorbed in something. The most calming burgandy with black specks floating around in it. I need to feel that again.

There’s this band called Sherwood that AP.net is promoting- Free downloads of their Summer EP. I think it’s clever. Sherwood is okay, but I haven’t truly listened. They are a little like Copeland.

Http://www.absolutepunk.net

There a banner at the top in green that says Sherwood- Summer EP Free downloads, or something like that. It’ll bring you to a page where you can start downloading their songs. It is completely legal [These downloads are directly from the band- AP is just promoting them] and AP.net is pretty reliable.

Peace out from the hizzy dizzy.

<333

I come undone, oh yes I do.

We are currenly in the middle of watching 24, but of course, the phone rang and mom is talking on it. Just at the good part too! Oh well. Let’s see.

I keep thinking about my crush, and I think that is so pathetic. Thank god nobody really reads this blog.

I am so tired. I have a poetry final tomorrow. I’d better freaking pass. I am trying so hard.

<333

just think of all the thought wasted on you

All right party people. This is my blog once more, for me to dominate and write as much as I would like.

Today was excellent. A C in geometry. Yes. And then Kim is all mad about her B+. I would die for a B+. I would die for a B-. But then again, people would die for my C. It is considered passing, you know.

CIWWAF has a different version of “There’s A Class For This” up on purevolume.. Featuring William Beckett from The Academy Is.. The third person from the music ‘industry’ I would die to meet. He is hot. And oh-so cool at the same time.

.. But that is not something I could say here- it is heating up over here by the sound, oh yes. I actually wore a tee shirt and I was not, by the least, any cooler than I would hope.

I am thinking of making a skirt tonight so I can wear it tomorrow, because if it is any hotter than it was today, I’ll feel it in the morning. It’s sad- It is NOT supposed to be hot here. It is almost NEVER hot here. It is ALWAYS cold… With the exception of these next three forecoming months.

.. But that still means that we are going to have more homework compared to the rest of the year. The year is coming to an end- and I am not anticipating it. Just because I have nothing to do over the summer! I hardly talk to people over the summer, I don’t hang out with people during the summer either. I guess that is going to change considering my participating in summer school PE. I feel so rich, I might as well show off my ipod nano while I’m at it -

I cannot believe it is only Tuesday. I always feel like it is Friday. Except on Fridays, Saturdays and the days of the sun.

It is only five thirty. The sun is actually outside still. It is usually gone by now.

So this is my list of people I want to meet. Music or other wise not noted..:
1. Mark Hoppus
2. Andrew McMahon
3. William Beckett
4. John Cusack
5. Andrew McCarthy [no, not the old old dude.]
6. Matthew Broderick
7. Alton Brown

I clearly have no life.
And I have the hugest hugest crush on a guy with an aubergine voice. This crush is getting bigger and bigger.. And it is so sad. I would have never thought I would like him, never. And he knows, and I’m sure he never would expect this- ever.
Oh well. I love you. 5763.
.. I like him. 4763.

<333

You’ve made a lasting impression, and if it doesn’t feel right then I just can’t go wrong.

Mmkayy. So I am totally sick, I haven’t been this sick yet in the duration of this year of twothousandandsix.

I hate this. I almost throw up each time I cough.. Eek.

I just read an interview with Jason Tate, and he seems like one of the raddest guys ever. He’s the person who runs AP.net and I love him so. Not as much as you know who, or Mark Hoppus [and yes. I did include him in my project that includes a unicorn and a robot.]

I am tired. I have to do chores. and a little bit of homework, I just want to nap all day. but that won’t happen at all.

I’m still listening and loving the starting line. and Jack’s Mannequin. Even though he doesn’t like me back- I’m still listening to “We Were Made For Each Other/You Can Breathe”, just because the lyrics are so charming, and Andrew’s voice is amazing. [White and a little round [only on his s' when he is especially clear]]

I still can’t imagine how someone can’t have syn. It would be like being blind. It frustrates me because I try and figure out how nobody can have syn. I would tell myself that it would be like how pain is, because I thought I didn’t have that kind of syn. Until I realized that I have that kind of syn too [is it just me, or do you see white circles when you get burned or you get an itch too?]

So far, I have read many theories on syn.

Cytowic said that it is simply another sense, it feels like it is another sense, just like sight, sound and taste. [I bought a book written by Cytowic yesterday online, The Man Who Tasted Shapes. I also managed to get it fairly cheap from Barnes and Noble. Sure, it is used, but it only cost six dollars, including tax and shipping.]

Another person said that people who have syn are people who didn’t distinguish the difference between colors and numbers when they started to learn it. I don’t think that is it.

Another person thinks that the “mixed senses” are when two parts of the brain kind of, leak out of where they are supposed to be. I don’t think that is it either.

It is so weird on how I am starting to realize all these different syn types that I have. In my mind, syn seems like such an extraordinary thing, just because I know that it is an actual medical thing. I expect it to be as spectacular as people say it is. It is so normal, but I expect it to be so.. You know.. BOOM.

I love you. 5763.
<333

I wait, in this dance floor haze, suffer the silly suit, for one more gaze

I am sick. Once more, but it sucks so much more, ohmygod.

I am so mad. Why do I have to suffer once more because of this minuscule virus? Why must I be put down by something a million times smaller than I am? I AM HUMAN GOSH DARN IT! I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS!!

“Jim! Fix my ID NOW!”
“Why, Dwight? It looks perfect to me.”
“First of all, my middle name is Curt, NOT FART! Second, I am not a security threat and third, the picture is too big!”

I love the office. It is something I have been watching just about all day.

“My grandfathers name was Dwight Shrute, my father’s name was Dwight Shrute. My father’s father was named Dwide Shrude. Amish, go figure.”

That one took me a while to get. But I got it.. lol.

When we were in California, my dad said the number nineteen, and it was late.. Around nine-thirtyish. And when he said it, the number was just floating around in the air. It took me a long time to figure out how he did it. This has happened to me twice in my life. The other time was when I was around six years old. It was also the number nineteen and my dad said it too. I still don’t get it. [Keep in mind, I wasn't tipsy in either instances.]

I have homework and chores. But I am going to relax this weekend. I was so stressed out last weekend. I still am, but I don’t want to think about it. It’s stupid. And I’m sick. You know how much I hate being sick. I have barely dodged the sicknesses this year. And I can’t afford anymore absences. I missed four days in a row last week.

So, yeah. I’ve been trying to buy fabrics online, but they are simply way too expensive.

I love you. 5763.
<333

P.S. He doesn’t. 4763.

Sweet thing, I hope that you know I’m wondering where you are.

Yesterday sucked so bad. Beyond belief, I swear.

At the beginning of fourth period, we got our wonderful assessments of our learning back. And I got a forty-one percent. Then, after entering the wonderful world of Spanish, Jimmy decided to inform me that David, indeed, likes me as a friend. It’s not like I was going to pursue him [Yes, you've heard me say that before] but it still really sucks… But he acts like he likes me! Kind of. I’m not saying that I am doubting Jimmy OR David, but come on, it sucks.

I have been rediscovering The Starting Line. I love them so much, but I’m trying to ease myself into their old stuff. It makes me feel poetic.

I am indeed, off punishment. It’s ironic- after I failed a test. It sounds different after you reword it, doesn’t it? Flunk, fail, forty-one out of a hundred, twenty and a half out of fifty, “not doing well on tests”, “not working hard enough”, “might retake geometry in the summer”, “might retake geometry next year”… whichever way you swing it- it still means the same thing.

After I found out about the score, I was tearing up in school. Then I went home and cried, mom got mad at me about my score, and I cried even more.
So this is how it’s going to be. I wonder if this is healthy.

It’s not like I am not trying. I try hard. I try harder than everyone else does. It is not fair. I would like to reveal everything on my blog, but some things have to be kept a secret. But it will be revealed soon- that is why I am off punishment. [it wasn't my choice to keep this a secret either. Don't ask about it.]

Thank god the week is almost over. Just one more day. That is all the information I need right now- one more day. This week has been one of the worst weeks ever. I am so stressed out. I am so tired. I am tired of being stressed, stressed from being tired. Same point as before- whichever way you spin it, the idea is always the same. Sometimes, rewording it makes it better. Until you get the real meaning that is masked by the artificial words that are thrown in. Then, either way it goes, it still feels bad.

I just want to get out of here, this is so stupid. I have my plans set. I want to cook for the rest of my life. I want to attend the Pennsylvania Culinary Institute. I want to travel the world. I am tired of being in this city that has a total of ten places that someone would want to visit.
I’ve visited two.
Why do I need this math in the first place? I’m not going to be anything that require that stuff. I hate this all.
One reason why I want to be a chef is that I’m good at it. Another is that I am guaranteed to get out of Silverdale. At least once. That’s all I want. I want to explore the world. I want to feel accomplished at what I do for the first time. I never feel accomplished. Someone says I did a good job, I just take it so I don’t sound like I have low esteem. Even if I do. “You’re so pretty”, “You’re so smart”, “You’re so nice”, “You are so friendly”. Half the time I have no idea what to say. A quarter of the time I deny it. The other quarter, I take it. Some of the time when they say it, they are being sarcastic.
I am tired of trying to entertain everyone and trying to please everyone at the same time. I guess this geometry grade really set it off, eh?

.. And then Ms. Quick decides to put a frownie face on my test.

I hate this. 5753.

</333